Previously on The Real World... OK. I've got a confession to make. I haven't seen the last 10 or so of these episodes. But let me take a guess. They went to bars. They drank. They bickered. There were some tears. Some yelling. Sexual innuendos. Wes couldn't get a date. There was some discussion of "Bless Me, Ultima." Then they went to another bar.
Close enough? Good. Let's move on.
We're off to Costa Rica. Hooray! Staying at Generic Hotel and Casino. MTV must've spent too much on those My Sweet 16 Parties. I hate those snotty bitches.
But all are excited. Nehemiah wants to see everything he can possible see while there. Translation -- the inside of every bar in town. But not so fast. They did take a trip to see a historic lighthouse on the beach. Wait, sorry. That was no lighthouse. It was only the light reflecting off Wes' naked body. *shiver*
After some discussion of the local trannies, we're off to -- you guessed it -- a bar. But the bar-hopping is interrupted when some kids on the bike make the mistake of looking at Mel. Danny, having had such great success with street brawls in the past, wants to pick a fight, but Nehemiah talks him out of it. How unfortunate. We don't get to see how well the medicine of Dr. Not-Red-Duke holds up.
Danny, you see, has an unfortunate inferiority complex. To him, when another guy looks at Mel, it means they're thinking that he's not good enough for her. Here's a hint, Dann-O. They're not even looking at you. It's not about you. You could be Mr. Belvedere for all they care.
Morning in Costa Rica, Danny and Mel walk on the beach sans-griping. Just like a storybook, Danny tells us. Yes, a storybook about 2 pages long, because that's about how long it lasts.
But the Real Worlders must have won the reward challenge this week, because they're off on a canopy tour -- zip-lining from tree to tree. On the way there, Wes remarks how he wishes he wasn't so hungover right now so he could enjoy it more. Of course, I'd enjoy it more if he had a few before getting on the zipline and missed a buckle here or there, but that's beside the point. We're treated to a good two minutes of zipline footage with shrieking aplenty from the girls. But enough of that bothersome sight-seeing. There's drinkin' to be done! Vamanos, Wes says.
Danny doesn't want to go to the bar, however, because he's too scared that someone will hit on Mel. Or so the other guys think. But the others rag on their decision to stay behind, reminding us that the beach will be there when they get back from the bar. Hey, drink enough and you can see two beaches! I love the logic of coddled early 20-somethings. Or teenagers. Or however the hell old people are on this show anymore. See, I passed 25 two years ago, so I don't officially exist to MTV anymore.
Back to Wes, who's really enjoying seeing the countryside of Costa Rica. And to him, that's a world of cloud highways, lollypop trees and gumdrop rocks, because he's asleep for most of the ride.
Then they go surfing. Hooray.
At another bar, Wes and the gang decide to pretend that he's Prince Harry, even though Wes' accent would make King Ralph sound like William F. Buckley. MTV animators put a crown on his head to aid the illusion. Personally, I think sticking a joint in his mouth or a Nazi armband on him would have been more like Prince Harry, but again -- beside the point.
Even Wes is smart enough to know this is a dumb idea, but they give it a try. Because, you know, Prince Harry makes a habit of going to a bar/pizza joint called the Crazy Monkey in Costa Rica. With only two pre-pubescent bodyguards, whose protection consists of talking into obviously fake earpieces and patting down people within three feet of HRH. Yup, an assasin could have gotten past those two bozos in a second. Sadly, there's no Henry Danley around to go all Bloody Mary on his ass. Once a visitor gets past the "guards," they must bow and kiss the royal hand. Jeez. I guess this is what you get when your knowledge of the royal family comes from a mixture of the Naked Gun and that movie where Sinbad was a Secret Service agent. And the truly sad part? Some American tourists believe it. Makes me want to break out the Lee Greenwood album right away.
Now. TV has given us some dumb reasons for people to have a lovers' quarrel. There was the Average Joe lady who once dated Fabio. Jerry Seinfeld broke up with a woman because she ate her peas one at a time. But ding ding ding, we have a winner with Mel and Danny.
Mel makes the mistake of saying she'd sleep with Prince William. And Danny, so furious with that prospect, breaks up with her on the spot. Come on, Danny! Haven't you ever heard of "The List"? Of course, Prince William should never be on the list. Seen any photos of him lately? The dude's barely 21 and he's already balding.
The morning after, Danny realizes he's just possibly won the stupid prize of the season, which is saying a lot. Once Nehemiah and Wes remind him of what happened, that is. He does his best to smooth things over, and Mel wants an apology. His response it to sit at the table with a pouty look on his face. Endearing. He finally gets out an apology, but they work it out. Sort of. My faith in the institution of love is restored.
Then they go rafting. Hooray.
Danny and Mel swap a kiss and we're given more insight into their feelings that no one cares about. What? That's it? That's the trip? I see. Back to Austin.
Casting note: Johanna, Rachel and Lacey did not appear in this episode.
• Wes uses Johanna to make someone jealous. That rascal. Just like his dad, Prince Charles. • Rafe from Survivor gives some editing advice to Nehemiah. • Someone makes a collect call from jail. How inconsiderate. • Libra recommits to his vow not to watch this drek.