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The Real World: Austin - Episode 14 Summary

'Grande Theft Carnation' By batts
Original Airdate: September 20, 2005

This episode starts out with Rachel talking with Johanna about her uncontrolled drunken outbursts.

Now... lets get this straight! Rachel is trying to counsel Johanna about Johanna's outbursts? Um. Pot meet Kettle. What about Rachels little spass attacks? Have we forgotten how Rachel pops off at the drop of a dime? Hmmmmm.....

Flashback to a scene of Melinda and Rachel dragging Ms Hyde Johanna back from 6th street. We see Johanna shouting at everyone on the street, that looks at her, how pitiful they are! Oh like she's not the pitiful petunia! Johanna is shouting insults to bystanders:

"You're so lame, you think you can talk shit to me?"
"You're such a loser!"
"You're mamas so fat, she ate Jenny Craig!"

Johanna decides that a change in herself is called for, and that instead of alcohol, she will only drink wine tonight. Oh brother....

Danny and Wes are playing pool and having a conversation about Dannys relationship with Melinda. Wes tells Danny "We can learn a lot about life, by playing pool." Yeah, right, and whose gonna rack up the next game?

Danny says, "I know for a fact that I'm gonna be jealous when she goes out. I know that I can't find a better girl out there than her, but I need to do my own thing." "Right now, I cannot see Mel as a girlfriend, but then the word 'girlfriend' 'boyfriend' 'couple' scares the heck out of me." "I don't think I'm ready for that."

Meanwhile, Melinda is reading a letter written to her from her beloved Danny, who confesses he wants nothing more in life but to be with his one and only..... Melinda! In the letter, Danny flirts out his undying lvoe for Mel, stating that there will be No Other!

To prove to himself that there is no-one else for him, he must go out on the town, with Wes..... to 6th street, no less, and flirt with any pretty little thing that comes his way!  (Hey, this is the Real World, remember?)

Half an hour later, Johanna, Rachel, and Melinda decide to go out too. Uh ohhhhh......

Johanna: "We drink every night... I wanna stop but when we get to the bar, it's kinda hard. I don't think my drinking is a problem.... it's just how much I drink."

Wait wait wait... um... isn't that what a drinking problem is?
How much you drink? Insert another 'Oh, brother!' here...

The scene zooms in on Danny, who's busy demonstrating how much he's stricken with Mel, by trying to set up a date with 'Louise'.

Danny: "Are you gonna be in town?"
Louise: "Yes, and I'm here for only you."
Danny: "I can show you a good time."
Louise: "You promise to call me?"
Danny: "I got your number right here, on the palm of my hand, and as soon as Melinda's out of the way, me 'n you can get together!"

Just when things start getting interesting between Danny, and Louise, Melinda and the girls walk in the bar. 'Oh, Great.' thinks Danny. Louise walks away from Danny, whistling and looking up at the ceiling, like she's the new
Health Inspector General, but Melinda knows what's going on. She confronts Danny about the girl "over there", waiting like a wall-flower for Danny to be free again to go talk to her.

"Who?" asks Danny, who looks around, trying to figure out what in the world Melinda could be talking about......

Rachel saves the day, as she comes running up to Danny, and Melinda, describing how Johanna is out of control again.

"I was screaming at her, and she just kept walking!" is what Rachel tells them. .... Well, dearheart, ...... just a side note.... if you scream at me, I would probably walk away from you too!

"She tried to take the money out of the homeless guys basket!" Rachel goes on to say.

They go to try to find Johanna, and find her fighting with the swat team, stationed on 6th street, just for cases like her. "I didn't do anything!" she tells Austin Five-0. She decides that she can't convince them that she's innocent, so she, yaaaa.... you got it..... she decides it's time to drop kick Sargent Peppers police horse over I-35!

Danny, Melinda, Wes, and Rachel, come walking up and talk her out of doing any harm to the nice policeman's horse. "Hey, we love horses, we were riding horses just the other day, remember?"

"Turn around, and put your arms behind your back" exclaims Lt. Columbo. "You're under arrest for public intoxication."

Now, at this point, most of us will think, 'Whaaaaaa?' But this is the way they do things down here in the ghetto that is 6th street.

If you start a fight in a bar, you are charged with 'Public Intoxication'...... for starters.

If you tinkle on the sidewalk, you are charged with 'Public Intoxication', for starters.

If you harrass the hot dog vendor, burn down the 'Dizzy Rooster', or steal from the homeless, you are charged with 'Public Intoxication', for starters.

Danny exclaims "Everybody on this street is intoxicated!" But, Danny...... everybody on this street didn't steal poor Homeless Harry's roses.

Ok. Johanna goes to jail! She does not pass Go, and does not collect 200 Dollars!

Danny and Wes decide they are still in ole cowtown, and decide to go down and break Johanna out of jail.

Danny: "Joey's in the slamma, so we're gonna go bust her out. We might even try to get arrested, to be able to visit her." They then procede to get a cab and go down to the jailhouse, where they confront the officers outside.

Let me stop here, and ask you..... is it me? or is this like the most stupidest plan they could have come up with? Who, in their right mind would go DOWNTOWN, to the jailhouse, at 1:30 in the morning, drunk no less, demanding to visit with their beloved roommate? Oh, come on! I was personally hoping they would try to start something with Deputy Andy Fife, and get themselves thrown in the hoosegow too.

Back at the house, Rachel, and Melinda have filled in Lacey on the exitement of the night. Lacey decides that it's a good idea to call 'Leo' and tell him that his sweetheart Real World girlfriend, has pulled another fast one, this time in her drunken stupor she shoplifted a flower from a homeless guy, and is now in jail, doing 5 to 10 years. She should be out in 3 years with good behavior though.....

Ok, the other drama unfolding is Danny's phone numbers on his hands. Melinda is talking to the girls about how Danny is secretly going behind her back and rattling his spurs.

"I hear his spurs going jingle jangle jingle." Melinda is telling the girls.

"The love letter he wrote me must be nothing but horsehockey." she tells the other girls.

Danny is at the door and has overheard Melinda's lvoe letter horsehockey comment, and states: "Mel, for one, I didn't come home with a girl, didn't dance with a girl, didn't kiss a girl, didn't talk with a girl. This phone number is Wes' girls phone number I wrote for him. So don't call my letter I wrote you 'Horsehockey'!"

Melinda: "So, then turn your hand around, what about that other number? Is that Wes' girls number too?"
Danny: "Actually, that's Nehemiah's girls number, I wrote there, for Nehemiah...." Lie, lie, lie!
Melinda: "Oh, and Nehemiah needed to write his girls number on your hand too?"

"Oh, My, Heck! Are you serious?" Danny asks. He then storms out and rants and raves around the house for the next hour about how true and innocent he is. How could anyone not believe him? He stomps around the house, wondering how anyone could doubt his undying faithfulness.

Wes: "Psst, Danny, did you tell her about Louise, from the bar?"
Danny: "Shhhhh! (whisper) don't say anything about that."

The next morning the roomies get a call from a computer generated voice, that says, "Hello. This is a call from an inmate at the (other voice) Travis County Jail!

Johanna is calling, and letting them know that she prefers 3rd Street, and San Jacinto (the Real World House), to her current accomodations. "I just wanna come home."

Leo picks Johanna up from the local pokey and takes her to the real world house. One by one, the roomies tease Johanna about her misfortunate circumstances.

Wes: "Only Johanna could get picked up by a guy in jail."

"Musta been one heck of a ROSE!"

"So, now, are you gonna be charged with Public Intoxication, and Grande Theft Carnation?"

The guys are taking turns giving Johanna a 'hard time' on her conviction, and her response is to call them "assholes."

Wes: "Oh, we're the assholes...? But you stole a flower from a homeless person?" "What is THAT?"

Will Paul Steklar find out Johanna got put in the Pokey? Will this effect her job? Find out next week on, The Real World, Austin!

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