Hi, my name is, well, letís call me Skyler. I know at least three Skylers at my school, so itís not like Iím identifying myself or anything. Iím fifteen, and Iím what my Uncle Skiver calls one of the Ďcore audienceí for the Real World. He went on to explain what he meant by that, but I wasnít listening. Heís kind of boring and long-winded, my uncle is. He was going on about titillation and childish behavior, and I was like: whatever, dude. I watch it Ďcause I like the hot chicks.
My uncle can't be bothered to write the summary, 'cause he's bored with the morons on the show, but I say: They may be boring, but there are chicks in bikinis. What more do you need? Anyway, he "persuaded" me to try to write the summary. Itís one of my ambitions to be on the show one day Ė along with being like a famous astronaut actor Ė and my uncle said that if I had writing about the show in my resume, that might make me look good to the casting director people when Iím finally old enough to apply. I asked Uncle Skiver to give me some money for doing this, but he just laughed and said that if I do this for him, he wouldnít tell my parents about the web-sites Iíd visited when I borrowed his laptop one time. What a loser. When Iím famous, heíll be trying to get into some club Iím at, telling people heís my uncle and stuff and Iíll be like: ďIíve got no idea who that dude is. Take him away and beat him up.Ē Man, thatíll be sweet.
So anyway, I started watching this episode a little late. I had ten IM conversations going and it took me a while to tell them what I was going to do and why I wasnít getting paid. So the first thing I saw was Charlie Brown-with-girly-curls headed Landon talking to girly-headed-with-curls MJ and hot black chick Shavonda, saying that he hasnít gone without sex Ďthis longí in like, three or four years. I canít believe any chick would ever give this ugly moron sex. Even I get turned down very occasionally, and Iím way hotter than that dude. (And just while weíre on the subject, letís get one thing straight. Iím not a virgin. Iíve done it lots of times with girls from out of state. I met them on vacations, like, really.)
Landon gets bored of telling MJ and Shavonda what a loser he is, and starts walking away. ďWhat time is it?Ē Shavonda calls after him. ďTime to get laid!Ē he calls back, as if he had a chick waiting for him wherever heís walking to. As if. Shavonda looks at MJ and says something like: ďYou sleep with the boy so you better watch out, cause heís gonna jump on you one of these nights!Ē MJ looks like heís just heard his Mom walk in when he was doing some one-handed browsing, if you know what I mean. ďMe?Ē he says, shocked.
The next scene is some really gross stuff with Landon Ė who is pretty sober at this point, I guess (keep that in mind) - flashing his other housemates through the slightly fogged glass Ďwallí thing of the houseís bathroom. This glass wall has cut outs, so he can stick his ugly grinning face through one of them while he does this flashing. Shavonda is sitting in a chair against that bathroom wall, and refusing to look round, but Melanie, walking into the scene, isnít so lucky. She recoils in horror at first, then laughs like Landonís thingy is smaller than a four year oldís. ďIs that a little sausage Iím seeing!Ē she asks. (She wouldnít be laughing if she saw me in that pose. Once Iím a cast member and Iím a bit more grown-up Ė not that I need to grow-up Ė Iíll be flashing all the woman and theyíll be loviní me more than McDonalds. Iím totally serious, about not needing to grow-up, okay? Look, forget I said anything.)
Sometime after that, Melanie and Sarah are sitting in some circular cut outs in some big curved wall, and Karamo comes by and tells them that Landon and Shavonda are sleeping together. I thought they knew that already? The two chicks agree that Landon isnít going to get any from Shavonda, even though they sleep next to each other. Those chicks are pretty wise, Iíd say. If saw-off melon-headed Landon gets it on with the hot Shavonda, that would be like a slap-in-the-face for all us decent-looking guys with perfectly normal heads who arenít getting any action Ė not that Iím one of that group, though. No way. I meant just that Iím one of the decent-looking guys, not that Iím not getting any action, Ďcause Iím getting plenty. Just shut up, okay?
So next the old folk in the house are deciding to go out and get wasted somewhere. MJ and Landon mix a huge cocktail that MJ says is mostly vodka. Good choice, dude. I can get totally sh!t-faced on vodka, as long as thereís like a ton of fruit juice added to the stuff so I can hardly taste the vodka. They decide to go to a gay bar, which is, like, totally gay, in my opinion. Everyone in the house walks there except Melanie, who sneaked off to go to some joint by herself Ė probably so she can hook up with a bunch of guys better-looking and straighter than the dudes in her house, and who can blame her. Shame for her that she joined the cast a few years before I get my shot.