The housemates are packing for Fiji as this episode opens. MJ is upset about the length of the flight because it (the flight) is longer than the amount of time they work per week. Well, I guess this answers most of our questions. They don’t work and truly are lazy, drunken and stupid.
Shavonda is all a flutter because she has already laid out plans to go skinny-dipping. I am not sure this is a good idea because we would have to see Sarah’s floatation devices. URGH! This could make me ill! However, Vonda didn’t get prior approval from her NOT boyfriend Shawn. Shawn doesn’t want the others to see her nekkid! WTF? He has no right in telling her what to do.
Landon is like a kid in a candy store because he says he is open for anything to happen in Fiji. What happens in Fiji stays in Fiji! Why do I have an image in my head of MJ and Landon making me the melted cheese in a grilled cheese sammich? WHEW…it is getting warm in here.
Sorry I digressed, Mel has some disturbing news. She has no idea where Fiji is but she thinks it is near Australia. For the geographically challenged peeps and Mel, the Fiji Islands are just due east of Australia. In other words, if you have a map of Earth, look in the lower right hand corner (this applies to most maps I have seen).
They arrive at Robinson Crusoe Island (I am going there one day!) and are greeted by locals running at them with huge swords. They run to the boat and drag Mel and Shavonda out of the boat and slays them instantly on the beach! EH! One can dream can’t he? Actually, the locals do run at them with spears but it is part of an official greeting.
The island is beautiful with sky blue water but all is not happy! Vonda is upset with the accommodations. They will be staying in little huts and the bathroom/shower is communal. The island reminds them of Gilligan’s Island. GAWD! Don’t take me there because I am still looking for all the people having sex with snakes. I know there are only 3 people that will get that reference but I had to do it!
But where is Sarah? She is at the bar (yeah, there is a bar/restaurant on the island) sitting at a table of 3 Brit victims! Sarah is on a mission to get some action before this night is over! After scoping out the place, she decides Boy #1 (there is no need in giving these peeps names because they really need to be numbered and you will see why later!) will be first because he has good teeth for a Brit! Okay…she grabs Boy #1 and kidnaps him back to her place. After trying her best, Sarah is turned down because Boy #1 would rather be back at the bar drinking instead of having sex with boob bags. BWAHAHAHA! Sarah thinks this is the most bazaar thing ever! My little overfilled silicon bags, the most bazaar thing was you thinking you could convert a gay guy to be straight. This? Is just plain hysterical! Maybe he just has good taste in women!
Not to be out done, Sarah heads back to the bar to pick-up one of the other Brits. Sarah takes Boy #2 back to her hut. Shavonda goes to the hut because she needs to retrieve something and when she opens the door…you ready for this? Boy #2 runs out of the hut faster than a guy that just stole something! Almost like someone said ready, set…GO! Vonda says the boy escaped! Too funny! Not only has Sarah been rejected but TWICE! TWO TIMES! Boy #1 knocked her down and Boy #2 just stomped all over her! HEHEHEHE!
Vonda and Landon go to the beach to laugh at Sarah and her lack of action. Landon tells Vonda that they are not leaving in the morning and Sarah will have to see the boys all day tomorrow! Sarah thinks they are leaving at sunrise and that she will never see these guys again. Sarah, these boys will get to see you for the desperate whore you are! Does Sarah post here?
Sarah abducts Boy #3 (See, you wouldn’t have remembered their names anyway) and takes him to the beach. She throws herself all over him and they kiss but she ends up not getting any action. That is strike 3 for those keeping score. Score Sarah…something you didn’t do! Strike 3 and she is OUT! Sarah’s mission for salami has ended with her, shall I say, salamiless! BWAHAHAHA!
Landon and Shavonda discuss their feelings and that they are mutual. Landon invites Vonda to stay in his bed and Vonda replies, “well, time for me to go!” Hell, this show should be called rejection. Landon will be taking a cold shower or bringing MJ to Knoxville to let me take care of things!
Mel, in her infinite wisdom, tells Sarah that the Brits were talking about her and how they thought she was a whore. THOUGHT? Hasn’t it been proven? Well, I guess it hasn’t been proven but her actions were whorish in nature. JMHO!
Landon, Vonda and Mel go to a ceremonial dinner and they have a great time. When they return to the bar, Mel goes straight to the Brit guys that Sarah was hitting on! Sarah gets mad and storms out to her hut. She is talking to Landon and Vonda when Mel walks in on them. This is where we get the Mel clip of, “WOW! Were you talking about ME?” No Mel, they were talking about Sarah going to Iraq and hitting on the soldiers and if they would have sex her! GEEZ!
Mel denies that she was talking to them on purpose (yeah right). I personally think Mel is a vindictive bitch! She (Mel) apologizes and leaves the hut.
Landon warns MJ that Vonda is coming to spend the night in their hut. MJ asks, “is this a sexual thing?” No MJ, she going to come over and wash her hair and cut her nails! WTF do you think she is coming over for? The strange thing? MJ stays in his bed while Landon is making his moves! We get some heavy breathing then Vonda announces, “I gotta go!” She leaves Landon HIGH and dry AGAIN! This is the 5th rejection in 20 minutes.
The next day they leave the island and head off for a five star resort. Everyone is glad to see all the amenities as Sarah looks around for a well-hung local! Mel and Sarah are still talking about what happened and Mel apologizes. They say they want to enjoy their vacation.
Landon and MJ end the episode discussing the make-out session from the night before. Landon said he knew they would hook-up but Vonda says they won’t have sex. Yeah right and I am the Queen of England! Well, I am the Queen of Bitterness. As I always say, I am a queen without a country!