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The Real World: Philadelphia - Episode 21 Summary

'I Don't Want to Work, I Just Want to Hate on Me Roomies All Day' By Mon Cherie
Original Airdate: February 8, 2005

The roomies are still blubbering about Mel and her exclusive friends with their exclusive bar hangout and exclusive scabies. Why can she share one and not the other? Sarah is quick to judge Mel who is always quick to judge Sarah. So what if Sarah chooses to exchange bodily fluids with three strange guys? That is so not as bad as Mel bragging about her friends pouring drinks on people. All I can say about that is if pouring drinks on someone makes you look worse than a slut, I'm the Paris Hilton of local bars. The roomies continue to gripe about Mel and Friends, as we are shown clips of them drinking, playing pool, and walking around with their pants half off. Nothing new for the Real World hizzouse. Shavonda ponders how to let someone like Mel know that their personality sucks. Well, Shav, I'd tell you right to your skinny marsupial face. But that's just me.

The next day the roomies have to go to work, they're almost halfway through the requisite 40 work hours a season. Dammit, they jsut got back from Fiji and need some time to recoup before these 3 PM meetings! Willie complains about having to return to the real world, and I have to agree with him. Nothing sucks more than having to work less than five hours a week, living free in a house with two hottubs, and taking undeserved vacations to tropical locales. Except having to write about 7 asshats doing just that.

The roomies are notified that they have 5 1/2 weeks to put the playground together, which means I'm gonna be here much, much longer than I hoped. These kids can't even make an afternoon meeting, can we really expect them to get part A into part B right? Maybe, if Willie is giving the instructions. Landon is excited about managing the construction, while Karamo can think of better things to do than build a stupid playground for some needy kids, like going to an "I Hate Everything and Everyone" rally or showering with a hip hop band. After the meeting, Karamo complains to his hip-hop hottie about ALL the work he's going to have to do on this playground. He may have to get out of bed at 11 am more than twice this week. The horror!

Mel decides to put the "drinkers" in the exclusive "Drinker's Tavern" as she sloshes her way to semi-conciousness. What better time for the roomies to air their beef with her? Drunken arguments have worked so well in previous seasons. MJ brings up the exclusive bar thing, and is having an almost rational conversation with Mel until Shavonda turns into PsychoVonda, driving Mel to tears. And almost home. Mel calls her daddy, and we're given our token "I wanna leave" sobfest. Until Mel passes out with her finger in her nose. Afterwards, MJ and Shavonda convene in the closet for a play-by-play recrap of "the fight".

Mel wakes up to a phone call from exclusive friend Andy, she doesn't remember much but knows the whole house hates her. Andy totally cannot believe this, but remember, he gets to hang out at the exclusive bar with the exclusive Mel and her exclusive scabies.

Mel and Karamo decide to skip the grueling three hour workday. Mel, so she can sleep off her hangover and regain her hearing after Shavonda's screeching. Karamo, so he can dream of new things to hate. Landon also misses work to play tour guide for his mom and sister, but it's cool because he has told Laura the boss. Or has he? The roomies insist that the missing roomies said they were in the clear with Laura. For a bunch of "non-judgemental" people the roomies prove to be clueless yet again. Let's see, we'll get upset and talk smack about the roomie with the secret bar and inked friends, but we'll give the lazy asses the benefit of the doubt. You gotta have your priorities.

Laura calls the next day, the playground parts are in and they are to be at work in the next half hour. Sheesh, it takes Sarah twice as long to work her way from fugly to plain ugly. The roomies are awarded the use of an X-Terra and two cell phones for work only. Surely this policy will work out, until Laura has to front the bill to remove the phones from each of Shavonda's ears. I have to mention that at this point I have paused my recording unknowingly on Mel, whose shirt reads "got crabs?" Can't do much with that, just go to that deep, dark, non-pg13 area of your mind and go buck wild.

For the hundredth time this week, Laura goes over the attendance policy with the roomies. She is putting her size 4 foot down and will start terminating roomies who are late or no-shows. And we all know, if they are fired, they have to go home. Which is why BMP only gives these kids a 4 hour workday, otherwise they'd have to put a baggage claim and a revolving door or two in the RW house. Laura gives Karamo a warning, which he scoffs at. Let's get this guy into Trump's boardroom right now. Evisceration, though gory and messy, can make for good entertainment when it involves selfish spoiled brats.

Mel decides to confront the roomies to find out if she is really hated. Willie, ever the diplomat, doesn't hate Mel but can see why others do. Sarah believes Melanie will change, and promises not to hate her until she leaves the room.

Time to build the playground. The roomies are up and at it, back to making sexual jokes about tools. Actual tools, not themselves. Landon attempts to backpedal with Laura for the day he missed, and somehow he impresses Karamo. It must be a hip-hop thing. The roomies get a much needed break from banging and screwing when ING Direct calls, offering a 5K donation to the group's project. Sarah's super-excited, with this extra money they can put condom machines in the bathroom for the kids, and set aside the rest for those who don't get boob jobs for graduation. The roomies head over and pick up the gargantuan check.

Now for tonight's most vomit-worthy moment: If the roomies complete this project successfully, they will each recieve a 1K savings account. Yep, the real world sucks.

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