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The Real World: Philadelphia - Episode 15 Summary

'A Very Special Real World' By Mon Cherie
Original Airdate: December 28, 2004

It was bound to happen. Watching this show and its various carnivals called casts for over twelve years cannot be good for one's brain. I believe it's a scientific fact that being exposed to RW stupidity significantly decreases intelligence, as one's brain literally shrinks as they try to understand the backasswardness of the roommates. Or maybe I'm just too old for this crap. Ah, heck, I guess as long as Eric Nies still thinks he's young enough to do Challenges, I'll still be watching and writing summaries. Which means my calendar should be full for the next 40 years. At least.

We start the episode with the roomies chowing down at a restaurant while Willie is babbling about theater. Yes, we know, you're a drama queen, but Sarah is still better at it than you. Time to make some poisoned apples and get some screen time like a true media ho. See how Sarah does it? One of you mentions Mel Gibson, and it's all about her, because she doesn't like Mel. Or Mel Gibson, for that matter. MJ has a brain fart and asks "Why you hatin' on Mel G?" Well, "The Passion", of course. Sarah thinks it is anti-Semitic, which gives me hope for a possible intelligent, meaningful dialogue between the roomies. No such luck, of course. Sarah hasn't seen the movie (no prob), has experienced anti-Semitism (bad) by people who didn't know she was Jewish (huh?). Sarah, have you thought that maybe people don't like you because you're a delusional, leg-humping beyotch?

Sarah explains to us that she's used to being around people who know what they are talking about. She must work in a daycare back home. I know my 6-year-old nephew could school her on basic hygiene and hair care, at the very least. But that might be too much for her. As Sarah keeps blowing out hot air, my head begins to throb, then explodes at MJ's confessional, when he states that Sarah "knows alot". *Pop* goes 10% of my brain. He and Sarah continue to debate, if an argument about apples not being oranges but bringing up "facts" about turnips would be considered a debate.

Say goodbye to another 10% of my brain as Sarah, with the speed of a horny toad, turns the religious debate with MJ into another reason why he has problems with women (um, Sarah? He's gotten laid. Which is more than could be said about your sorry-a.s.s heavy petting with the gay dude. Just saying.) Sarah gripes to Shavonda, who's so into her own world wearing the fugliest top I have seen (tonight) that she just nods her head and smiles. Which is a sign that she will turn psycho. Very soon.

MJ goes to a bar and meets Kim, and what a small world it is, as they discover they have a mutual friend, not an STD, but a real live person he went to school with. MJ and Kim drink, flirt, and drink more, until MJ gains a flicker of conscience and leaves the bar, chewing on what must be a huge goiter in his lip. After talking and spitting to Landon, MJ decides to buy Kim a rose, then sprints away faster than FloJo. During the cab ride home, the goiter has appeared again, and MJ rambles about the girl knowing his friends, therefore maybe his (ex?) girlfriend will find out about his goiter. Or the rose ceremony with Kim. Who knows, we need some subtitles at this point, MJ's lip is practically riding shotgun in the cab.

Meanwhile, Willie, Karamo and Diana (the hairdresser) are getting drunk off appletinis and playing "make a sandwich" on the dance floor. It's all fun and games, until we find out Willie has to be at work the next morning at 7. Those of us who have stupidly done shots of Jager all night, thinking one hour of sleep will be enough for work the next day, when in reality we slept 12 hours and got fired, know that nothing good can come out of this. Except maybe some puke shots. Karamo tells Willie he is leaving, who responds with a "me too", then three hours later discovers Karamo has gone home and is getting his thug-dream on, which is where Willie should be. However, W does not even know where he is, only that the ground is spinning and everyone has a twin.

MJ announces that he has "snotted" as he and Landon arrive home. Must be some new sexual term, perhaps Sarah can enlighten us on it later. She's like Yoda, that one. MJ gets the 3 am booty call bug, he's compelled to call his girlfriend back home for some good old phone sex, but Shavonda's ear has become permanently attached to the phone. I've often wondered why, oh why, do the roommates only have one phone line? Seven people in one house with one line equals many arguments. I think I just answered my own question.

Shavonda does not want to get on the phone. She is talking to Shawn about the colors and consistency of each food item she's had that day, and she hasn't even gotten to the temperatures yet. Shav goes from zero to psychobabblebitch in about .48734 seconds when MJ says he needs to use the phone, and looks at her while he's waiting for her. Then he has the nerve to threaten her by stating that if she's not off in ten minutes his goiter will totally go off on her. Shav wills the tears to come to her eyes as she hangs up and has her 7th nervous breakdown of the season. MJ has disrespected her, that "white-a.s.s. country" mo-fo.

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