Big Brother 6 - Episode 2 Summary

'And ThenThere Was Howie' By Swami

This is Episode 2 of the World’s Slowest Moving Reality TV Show. Time for a recrap! Never has one TV show wasted so much time in recrapping recraps! I mean, they have dozens of cameras filming fourteen people day and night. Do we get to start with something new? Anything new!?! No.

The episode begins with a mind-numbing recap of last Thursday’s Nomination Ceremony, shown in black and white which is the cute way CBS that indicates that it is showing the past. Then, after commercials, they show the frickin’ Nomination Ceremony B&W recrap all... over... again! GAH!!!

So this summary will be much shorter than last week’s. Evidently, nothing much happens in Hamsterville. These are the highlights.

• Eric still wants to evict an evil female. He invokes the memory of 9/11 and wraps himself into that flag just as snuggly as any D.C. politician. So they can’t vote him off now — right? Even if he is a type-A shifty-eyed paranoiac?

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• Ivette is so impressed with his flag-wrapping routine.

• Kaysar becomes disoriented and thinks he is a guest on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. He asks Beau to help him Be More Popular, Win Friends and Score With the Chicks. Beau sighs and begins yet another makeover.

And then there’s Howie.

Howie drops his shorts in a crowded room so everyone can see how well he fills out his tighties. He bounces up and down a little so people can see the full, uh, effect. He pirouettes and slaps his ass for the camera. Howie is the number one reason why mammas shouldn’t let their babies grow up to be meteorologists. The man is a full bore, four-square egotistical moron! And oh how he loves the camera!

He tells the other housemates (as they try desperately to ignore him) that “If I leave a bar by myself then somebody is getting arrested because a crime has been committed!” This from a man who probably takes a cold 12-pack to every party he is lucky enough to be invited to, because he knows that beer goggles are his only friend. Or maybe he just hauls in a whole keg!

Possibly inspired by Kaysar, Howie undergoes his own Extreme Makeover and has the females apply make-up to him. Lots and lots of make-up. Blue eyeshadow, mascara, foundation, blush, bright lipstick. He puts on bright red bra top and spends the better part of a day strutting around the Big Brother set like a junior league Dr. Frankenfurter, and flirting with Beau for all he's worth. Which isn't much.

Beau declares that Howie is bi-curious or bi-lesbionic or something like that. I miss his exact words because I am busy gagging. My theory is? Howie has figured out that he will have twice as many opportunities to score if he goes both ways. Just do the math, folks. Twice. As. Many.

Upstairs in the HOH room, Rachel finds a TV remote lying in the middle of her bed. Didn’t we see her discover the spy TV last week? Anyway, this remote shows her something new—a mysterious and undiscovered Golden Bedroom! Once she has spyed the bedroom the remote goes berserk and keeps zooming in on some Golden Books in the Golden Bedroom. After about 45 minutes of having this clue shoved down her throat Rachel finally figures out that she should check the similar looking set of books in her own HOH room, and—voila! — she discovers a clue hidden inside. Big Brother knew that inside a book would be the perfect place to hide a clue. Who in this crew would think to open a book?

Haltingly, Rachel reads the clue aloud. Turns out this is Big Brother’s version of a treasure hunt. The book clue says that her next clue will be found somewhere in the house, and it concerns maps and knowing directions. Rachel is told she can either keep this clue to herself or involve as many other people in the hunt as she wishes.

Instinctively, Rachel makes the wrong decision. Instead of using this info to build or strengthen some alliance she keeps it to herself so she can have all the fun and glory. So we get to see Rachel wandering around in a distracted haze trying to find anything in the house that relates to maps and directions. Finally—after, like, two hours—she notices the huge, 12 inch-diameter, bright brass compass sitting in plain view on a side table in the living room. Could it have been more obvious? She picks the compass up, flips it over and peels off a circle of tape on the bottom to reveal a hidden clue! The clue is written in reverse script, and knowing the limited capacity of the hamsters Big Brother has provided a mirror hanging right over the compass so she can read the clue without any more of that nasty thinking stuff.

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