Hey there everyone. Can you believe that Big Bother is now in its fifth season? Apparently some people have nothing to do with their summers other than watch young, good-looking people lounge around a house in Los Angeles and eat peanut butter and jelly. And apparently I have nothing better to do than summarize what these people do, since I’m now back for a third go-round with these summaries. Yep, the same writer who brought you such famous summaries as “Who Cares Where Jun Is?” and “I’m Blind, I’m Deaf, and I’m Stupid: The Return of Julie Chen” is back, this time with a little summary called
“Men in Thongs and Limes”
And unfortunately for me (but fortunately for anyone who actually bothers to watch Big Bother 5), Julie Chen does NOT appear in this episode. That is, unless Julie is actually masquerading as Holly, the model/actress, as part of “Project DNA,” the fabulous twist this year that is designed to make this show even more Jerry Springeresque than last years. In reality though, I think Julie and Holly are two different people, they just happen to share the same brain.
Previously on Big Bother 5, 13 fabulous people entered the house trying to win cash. Unbeknownst to them, 2 of them are related. Everybody introduced themselves to each other. One of the women, Jennifer (the one with the purple hair) asked the other houseguests to call her “Purple Haired Freak.” Another guest, Lori was given a choice between food for the whole house, or $10,000 for herself and a week of peanut butter and jelly. Since she’s an anorexic stick who won’t eat anything anyway, Lori chose the money to help pay for her therapy. Four of the men banded together to form an alliance targeting Purple Haired Freak, but one of the four, Michael with the funny cowboy hat and accent, discovered that she was actually his half-sister, a fact he chooses to keep to himself for a bit. And after a competition, Jase was selected as the first HOH.
On to today’s show, where the houseguests are reacting to Jase’s HOH victory. Will fears that Jase and Scott could dominate the game. Jase complements Karen on doing as well as she did against a “pro athlete.” I didn’t realize that posing for Playgirl was considered an athletic endeavor, but I guess it does require a certain prowess. Jase gets his HOH key and is psyched to see his new pimp pad. He gets a pimp robe and a picture of his little dog “Poppycorn.” I assume Jase named the dog either when he was 8 years old or when he was very, very high.
Cue the ominous music as Cowboy begins grappling with the fact that Jennifer is his sister. He decides that since he has joined an alliance with Scott and Jase he will ask them what to do. Scott and Jase, unsurprisingly, think that the man they have known only two days has completely lost his mind. So rather than telling Cowboy how he should handle the situation, Jase starts passing on the rumor to others in the house. Drew just laughs, Marvin accuses Cowboy of lying, but Cowboy sticks to his guns even after Marvin makes him swear on the Bible. Scott is mostly concerned that Cowboy has created this story to avoid voting out Jennifer, but Cowboy insists that he’d vote anybody other than his fiancée out of the game.
In the end, the men tell Cowboy that he has to tell Jennifer that they have the same father. Jennifer at first thinks that the men are just trying to pull her leg or torture her, but feels that Cowboy’s emotions are real and says that if it is true it’s “a trip.” Jase is mostly terrified that he’ll hook up with Holly or one of the other women and then find out that he’s related to her. Great, the best part of Big Bother 4 was the constant hook-ups, and now we can’t even get that.