Somewhere, in an alternate universe…<- Standard ICB disclaimer *wink*
idiotcowboy, in dressing room reviewing some notes
Production assistant yells in, “Five minutes to air”
Enter Teri Hatcher in a towel. Seductively, “do you have time for me?”
“Teri, I got get on the set now. It’s our first show.”
“but, but, I have needs”
The towel drops, “they’re real and they’re perfect”
“He did say five minutes didn’t he…”
Camera pans around to Teri Hatchers midriff, with body paint words
Reality TV Watching – LIVE
One leg comes up, body paint again
Special thanks Andrea Sellers
ICB: Welcome to the All Sortsa Sports Network’s, Reality TV Watching, the show where we watch and rate reality TV shows, so you don’t have to. Joining me is my co-host, the lovely and talented Beblo.
Greg Gumbel runs out and pushes Bebo out of her chair.
Greg Gumbel: Hello and welcome to The Road To The Final Four, brought to you by Nextel, Spam, and Turtle Wax.
Bebo: Die, Gumball!
Ten minutes later, the custodial crew is called in to clean up a big nasty blood stain and remove a body before CSI: Reality Show Parallel Universe can find it.
ICB: So, where were we? Oh, yes, tonight we have The Amazing Race 7’s latest episode a continuation from last weeks India leg. Here’s Beblo to tell us more.
Bebo: Well, the halftime stats are quite telling. Or, well, they’d be quite telling if I actually talked about them.
Oh. well. In the first half, the teams flew to India. The referees failed to call a crucial bunching penalty, so all of the teams ended up on the charter flight together. Romber and RKelly threw a block against the other teams, and combined with Alex and Lynn’s whining penalty, got a small lead. Then they were forced to serve tea to folks who looked about as enthused as Carolyn in the Trump boardroom. When Romber got to the mat, instead of winning another trip, Phil threw a huge curveball – bigger than a “you’re not merging Shii-Ann” curveball – when he just handed them a clue instead of checking them into a pit stop. Did the local get lost on the way? Did they want Gretchen to form an attachment with her backpack before wrenching it out of her arthritic hands? Or were they just hoping that RKelly would have a bigger temper tantrum if they missed their naptime? As the teams head out for the second half, it’ll be interesting to see who can complete this leg without committing any ugly turnovers. After all, they’re sweatier than Ralphie May’s armpit at the start of Celebrity Fit Club, and they’re more tired than Janu after the first few days on Survivor: Palau. But one important thing to remember Cowboy is that these teams will not quit. There are no Ostens here. Or Jennas. Or Sues. Or half of the Ulong tribe
ICB: Don’t forget that guy from the Contender.
Bebo: Nope. None of those. But that “To Be Continued” move? Almost as disappointing as Vecepia winning Survivor: Marquesas. Could come back to haunt the producers in the judging. The fans are madder than Colin after the ox got broken, so this could get ugly. I mean really ugly. I’m talking Celebrity Mole Yucatan ugly.
ICB: Well then, thanks for the update… I think. Look it’s about to start, let’s get with reality and get watching.
Amid groans from the audience, the camera fades to black and white grainy footage, and the familiar opening credits…
This episode began exactly where the last one ended, with host Phil Keoghan handing leaders Romber a route marker clue instead of greeting them at a Pit Stop. One by one, the teams were instructed to cross the street and go to the platform 2 at the train station. There is no word on whether they had to look both ways – I’ll try to get an update on that from one of our sideline reporters. After boarding the train, they were to wait patiently for their next clue. If I can be Frank (instead of Andi) for a moment, I think that “patiently” is going to be a problem for some of these teams. Anyway, after getting over the initial shock of continuing the Race without a break, the teams realized that they would have nearly a seven-hour wait for the designated train to arrive, bunching all five teams together for the next portion of the Race.
Bebo: Where’s the ref? Cmon people, that bunching penalty was so obvious!
ICB: Perhaps he’s waiting for his tea
Bebo: He’s obviously not a Sharpie. Man, I feel like I’m watching Duke basketball and cheering for the other team. What Race are these refs watching anyway?
As the train headed toward Jodphur, the teams were awakened at 1am and handed their next clue. Teams were told to search for their next clue once they arrived at the Jodphur train station, but they had at least 20 hours of train travel ahead of them.
Bebo: I can’t believe there’s no foul here. A 20 hour break? So much for the, ahem, extended leg. This is like sending Survivors out and giving them food at every freakin’ reward challenge.
ICB: Like the camera people don’t give them food.
Bebo: If I were a cameraman, I’d just eat in front of them and laugh.
ICB: Perhaps that’s why there is such a high turnover in cameramen.
Teams took the opportunity to rest and relax together, with RKelly taking advantage of the time to get to know their alliance mates Rob and Amber better.
ICB: What a concept, I wonder if they’re invited to the wedding?
Bebo: Gee Cowboy, wouldn’t that be a commitment?
Once the teams arrived in Jodphur, they found clues directing them to the Sardar Market clock tower. The teams were again bunched, since the market didn’t open until 10:00 the next morning. While teams found food and lodging for the night, Rob took advantage of the opportunity to secure the hotel manager Sanjay as his guide for the rest of the leg.
Bebo: There he goes. Rob is craftier than a pre-trial Martha Stewart. Why buy the guide when you can bleed him for free? This guy makes slick moves, and the defense just lets him slide on by. Definitely some good marks for artistic impression there. Or some kind of impression.
ICB: That deal with the devil comes to mind
Meanwhile, Gretchen and Meredith enjoyed the festive atmosphere from their balcony, while Alex and Lynn danced in the square with the locals.
ICB: Did you see that? There’s sure to be deduction points there, I haven’t seen worse moves since Tom’s butt-crack feather flicker.
Bebo: Gotta agree with the Cowboy. I’m having bad flashbacks to the Richard Made Fire Without the Matches in His Butt Dance from Survivor.
When the teams received their next clues, they learned that this leg included the second and final Fast Forward for the Race. Uchenna and Joyce Agu decided to go to the temple for the good fortune ritual, while Alex and Lynn made the same decision. However, after seeing their competition speeding toward the temple, Alex and Lynn decided to turn back and join the other teams at the Detour.
ICB: Indecisive! Can’t have that this late in the season.