It was a f***ing recrap. Letís just get to this weekís show.
Erin and Chris come back from the boardroom where John the Sexist was fired.
Erin: Mr. Trump was like, ďErin, do you think youíre safe?Ē and I was like, ďI donít know.Ē and he was like, ďIf you keep talking, you might get fired. Go ahead. Keep talking.Ē So, I just shut up.
Why donít you do that more often?
Chris, thinking to himself: If only she had talked, my boyfriend, John, would still be here.
Angie, confessional: Erin is a smart girl, and sheís very good looking. I mean, have you seen her a$$?
No because sheís ugly as hell, and she thinks bathmats are clothing.
Skipping ahead a bit, Magna huddles together, and Craig steps up and declares himself project manager for the next task.
Craig: I want to be project manager. Blah blah blah. Itís time for me to step up. Blah blah blah.
Alex: Dude, What the f*** are you trying to say?
Craig: I have no idea.
Alright then, youíre doomed.
The next day, the teams meet the Donald at Trump Park Avenue to explain the task. Each team will be holding a do-it-yourself clinic at Home Depot. Two Home Depot executives, Jose and Christy, will judge them. The team with the best clinic wins.
Angie: I want to be project manager because to me Home Depot is the happiest place on Earth.
You really need to get out more.
Networth then discusses ideas for the clinic. Angie wants to do crown molding, which leads to this.
Erin, confessional: As a former beauty queen, I know what a crown is, but Iíve never heard of crown molding.
This girl graduated college?!
Tana, confessional: We all headed over to Home Depot and started throwing out ideas.
Kendra: How about a mosaic?
Bren: Concrete benches?
Craig: Those are all great ideas, but Iím the project manager, and I want to do a box.
A box? Thatís the best you could come up with. I can see why you havenít been project manager before, Craig.
Obviously, everyone else on Magna isnít too happy about the idea.
Alex: A box? That is so boring.
Tana: Weíre this close to hearing, ďYouíre fired.Ē
Yep. So close, you can see Trumpís god awful hair.
Speaking of which, itís time for Trumpís Lesson of the Week. This week, itís about ďSelling Your Ideas,Ē which is a no-brainer if you think about it.
Erin, confessional: Walking through Home Depot is like walking through a foreign country.
Sure because everyone knows Home Depot is a foreign country.
Stephanie looks through a catalog and finds a mobile kitchen island. The rest of the team is excited about the idea and decides to do it for the clinic.
Stephanie, confessional: Now, we have our idea, and weíre going to try to build it ourselves.
This is gonna be a disaster.
Networth then shows us how incompetent they really are as it takes them 7 hours to complete one mobile kitchen island. On top of that, Erin broke a power saw.
Tana: Weíre going ahead with the box.
Craig: Letís not call it a box. Letís call it the trunk.
Craig, no matter what you say itís still a box.
As soon as he says that, the rest of the team leaves him, and heís left alone with his box.
But, it doesnít stay like that for long. Craig talks to Alex and Bren, and they will support his box.
Bren: You have to admit. Weíre truly thinking outside the box.
Youíre not thinking outside the box. Youíre thinking the box.
Itís now time for the clinics, and we first view Networthís.
Angie, confessional: I had Erin doing marketing and promotions because she did nothing throughout the task.
Erin: I felt really empowered because I made one of these yesterday.
How could you make one? You donít know how to operate a power saw.
Networth sends in Chris for the presentation since he is a big loudmouth. Unfortunately, this is their undoing as Chris screws up horribly. He puts it in upside down and swears in front of the crowd. The executives arenít pleased.
Over at Magnaís clinic, they have stumbled upon a great idea. They have boxes for kids to decorate on, and a lot of them do. Craigís box might have a chance.
The Donald gathers the teams together to find out the winner.
Jose: Networth screwed up horribly, and their clinic wasnít really do-it-yourself.
Christy: Magna had a good idea of creating a toy boy and got kids involved with it. Magna is the winner.
If you lose to a box, you might be dumber than a rock.
Since Magna won, they get a reward. They get to experience weightlessness on an airplane with the company, Zero G. The candidates really enjoy it, especially Bren who finds out what itís like to be a weightless fat guy.
Itís sad that the team whose brilliant idea was a box gets to enjoy the coolest reward ever.
Because this summary is getting a little long, Iím just gonna skip ahead to the boardroom.
The Donald: Angie, what happened? You lost to a box.
Angie: Mr. Trump, it was all Erinís fault. She didnít contribute anything to the task.
Erin: Look, I've never been in a Home Depot, and I don't know anything about crown molding or mobile kitchen islands.
The Donald: You sound like Paris Hilton.
Angie: Paris Hilton would have done a better job.
Erin: I may not have contributed much to the task, but Chris was very unprofessional. He was chewing tobacco and swearing in front of people.
The Donald: Were you chewing tobacco? I don't want someone working for me who chews tobacco. That doesn't get you anywhere in New York. Do you spit it out?
Chris: No, I don't.
The Donald: What do you do with it then?
Chris: I swallow it.
Eww. Now, I don't chew tobacco, but even I would know better than to swallow tobacco.
The Donald: Who is responsible for the loss?
Stephanie: Overall, the project manager.
The Donald: Angie, who are you sending up to the suite?
Angie: Although she just sold me out, I'm gonna send Stephanie back up.
The Donald: Okay. Angie, Erin, and Chris wait outside, and we'll bring you in a few minutes.
After they left, The Donald: George, Carolyn what do you think?
GeorgeCarolyn: Angie needs to stay.
The Donald: Alright then. Robin, let them in.
Robin: Mr. Trump will see you now.
Does she ever say anything else?
The Donald: Angie, you are probably safe because George and Carolyn feel strongly that you should not be fired unless you say something stupid, and then, I will. Is that okay?
The Donald: Chris, I'll give you one minute to save your life. Go.
Chris: Mr. Trump, I gave my all during this task.
The Donald: But don't you think that Erin is tougher and smarter than you?
Chris: No, I don't.
Erin: I am tougher and smarter than him.
No, you're not.
The Donald: Look, I don't want someone working for me who chews tobacco.
Chris: If I have to quit chewing tobacco to save my a$$, then I will quit chewing tobacco right now.
The Donald: Okay. Angie, why didn't you have Erin be the presenter?
Angie: She didn't do anything during the task. I couldn't let her.
The Donald: She's still a 1,000 times better presenter than you or Chris, but George and Carolyn think you should stick around, and I have to listen to that.
Erin: Do you have to?
Erin, Erin, Erin. You ought to know better than to insult Trump's stooges.
The Donald: You're a real wise guy. You know what. Erin, you're fired.
So, Chris and Angie head back up to the suite, while Erin waits down below for the taxi.
The Donald: She's just too much of a wise guy.
GeorgeCarolyn: You made the right decision.
Next week on The Apprentice:
The candidates work at Domino's. (IMHO, the best pizza place ever) And, Chris, the ticking time bomb, finally explodes.
Erin's final words: My inability to use a power saw cut me off at the knees. Getting fired was like a nail gun to the heart. I'm gonna be the next Tool Time girl. That's my goal. I'm gonna learn how to saw, cut, and all of the other stuff you can do with tools. All will be well in Erinland.
And I thought Michael was delusional.
Note: The bold-faced comments are made by alter ego, Scuba Steve. I will no longer use ssshaw.