I must admit this is the first season when I actully read every Survivor's Bio in its entirety. There's some pretty wierd stuff that I will incorporate in this Summary.
Previously on Survivor...
James continues to dominate challenges because he's a stud.
BIO UPDATE>>> James says he "enjoys sprinting." Is that possible? I could understand if someone enjoys jogging, running, or even road racing...but how does one enjoy "sprinting"? Do you step out of your house, sprint down the street, thirty seconds later sprint back home and say, "WOW, that was enjoyable!"? Well, whatever his training methods are, it's working because he's kicking serious butt this season.
Todd sits out of the second RC in a row because he's a pansy. JR's repeated advances toward the Fei Long women reminds me of another French character I used to watch Saturday mornings as a kid--Pepe LePew. He's as successful as that smelly skunk in the cartoon. Courtney's performance in the IC is arguably the most pitiful in Survivor history. So you would think when Zhan Hu goes to its first TC, she'll get the boot. But God wants Leslie to go home, and even Survivor must answer to a higher authority--so Leslie is the third outcast voted out.
Zhan Hu discovers there's mold in their rice supply. Actually about half of their food is rotten. Everyone is crestfallen, but Psycho Dave sees this tradegy as a new opportunity to bark orders at his dysfunctional tribe. Sherea, who probably shares the same bra size as Ashley, also shares the same intollarance toward Dave's leadership and has a hissy fit. Then this lazy lump of human trash takes it on a personal level and attempts to toss away shells that Dave is saving for his mother.
Frosti steps in and takes the prized shells (that we'll probably see on Ebay three months from now) from Sherea before she throws them in the water. While Dave and Sherea are taking a "time-out" we go to Fei Long.
Aaron reads the tree mail that says both tribes must go to TC tonight. A challenge is mentioned with a food reward. Some tribe members are concerned about a possible vote, but Aaron assures them it probably won't happen.
Both tribes arrive at night where Jeff explains the RC. Three teams of two must work giant chopsticks to pick up fireballs and walk them over to a setup where they must drop them down a chute and into a wok setting off a fireworks display. With each fireball the chopsticks get longer. The first tribe to drop three fireballs down the chute wins reward. The reward is a visit from a chinese fishing family who will bring food and teach them to fish.
First up: Sherea/PG vs. Denise/Todd Fei Lon takes an early lead, but Zhan Hu makes up ground. Todd/Denise are first to drop their fireball down the chute, followed closely by Sherea/PG.
FIREWORKS DISPLAY OOOOOOH!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!
Second up: Amanda/Aaron vs. Jaime/Frosti Team Fei Long picks up where Denise/Todd left off and maintains their lead. Frosti/Jaime position themselves too close to the fire. If Frosti is old enough to have hair on his arms he would have burnt it off. After a minor adjustment they make up ground. Team Fei Long drops their fireball first and Team Zhan Hu follows right behind them.
FIREWORKS DISPLAY OOOOOOH!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!
It's anyone's challenge to win and it's coming down to James/JR vs. Dave/Erik trying to handle the longest set of chopsticks. JR proclaims, "This is impossible". No Frenchie, your chance of scoring with one of the Fei Long women is "impossible". When your teammate is a man who enjoys sprinting...winning this challenge is not impossible. Team Fei Long inches their way down the course while Dave/Erik putz around with their fireball. Frosti gets impatient and starts shouting advice. James/JR have a large lead but have problems lifting the fireball off the ground giving Dave/Erik some life. But whatever life they have is wisked away when Fei Long successfully drops their third fireball down the chute.
Fei Long wins reward and gets to kidnap an opposing tribemate. They select Psycho Dave.
BIO UPDATE>>> Dave lists his occupation as a "Former Model". Anyone who's a former anything is usually a current loser. Dave proceeds to list his accomplishments in his Bio--Attended one year of college and (Yes, I read this right) one QUARTER at ITT. Who the heck would admit to lasting only one quarter of any type of education???!!! Would that be one quarter of a semester or one half of a course? This dude is seriously one brick short of a firepit!
Normally when one gets the oppotunity to visit an opposing tribe they try to make a good first impression...but Dave is not normal. He immediately begins to act like a cross between Beavis and Butthead. In a confessional Todd exclaims that Dave is nuts. Dave confirms this claim by purposely bending over in front of Courtney to expose his butt crack to her face.
As a kidnapped tribemate, Dave receives a sealed cylinder with a clue to the location of the HII. He must give the clue to a Fei Long member of his choice. Once again Todd is the lucky winner.
BIO UPDATE>>> Todd considers the Spicegirls the most significant historical event in the past 100 years. I swear I'm not making this up; it's in his Bio...you can read it yourself. Where do they find these disillusional losers???
Life at Zhan Hu without Dave has everyone wondering what to do. Well not everyone; the lazy load Sherea is right at home parking her fat a$$ down and doing nothing. Her meager attempt at self-righteousness has her rationalizing this as smart stratgy since she can save herself for challenges. Oh really? What about the other four tribemates who have to work harder to pick up your slack and are now more tired for a TEAM challenge. Think that really gives your TEAM a better chance to win? What a self-centered, ignorant idiot.
Erik has as much luck trying to start a fire with flint as Becky and Sundra did in Cooks Islands, but he quits long before an hour. Frosti comes to the rescue and gets the fire going. Sherea proclaims she's not lifting a finger to help boil water while she reaches for a canteen and helps herself to some drinking water. What trash!
At Fei Long a family comes paddling into camp to show them how to fish. JR takes control of the moment when he starts conversing with the family in their native language. In a confessional he claims he never even attempted to speak chinese in the past 20 years and it all just came back to him. Yea, right, you mean to tell us that he knows he'll be in Survivor-China and doesn't brush up on the language before he leaves?? Bad bluff, Poker Man.
What was remarkable about this family is they had trained fishing birds. They lied string around their necks and tossed them in them in the water. These birds would snatch the fish with their beaks but were unable to swallow their catch because the string partially closed their throats. Witnessing this amazing culture I began looking more closely to notice if there were any rope marks on Courtney's neck. Perhaps she may have used this same technique to acquire her anorectic frame.
The family showed the tribe how to use the fishing gear and with vegetables and spices they brought with them, they had a tribal feast. What was equally remarkable about this reward was that we discovered Denise has a voice as the lunch lady couldn't stop talking about how good the food was.
Both tribes have to square off in an ancient chinese battle using flying meteor hammers and bamboo poles as blockers. In teams of two they have to fling the meteor hammers and break porcelan vases behind the opposition. After three rounds, whoever breaks the most vases wins. For their protection (and for the viewer's comic relief) they were dressed in chinese armour.
The first round featured Sherea/PG vs. Denise/Courtney. Yes you read that right-Courtney. Since she sat out of the RC, and you cannot sit out two challenges in a row, Courtney was forced to compete. While Genghis Khan was spinning in his grave, most viewers (including myself) were rolling over in laughter as Courtney's spaghetti arms dangled out from under the chinese armour.
BIO UPDATE>>> Denise lists axe & knife throwing and stick fighting as her hobbies. With that reume, this challenge could be over in the first round
Not surprisingly, Courtney's effort doesn't even reach the halfway mark. But the accomplished knife thrower and stick fighter will save the day. NOT! Her final throw gets blocked by a 100 lb jeweler(PG). A well-rested Sherea knocks down a vase with her final effort to give Zhan Hu a 1-0 lead.
Round Two - Frosti/Dave vs. James/Todd It was excellent strategy to team the pansy with the challenge stud since all the attention would be on James. Team James/Todd smartly fling their meteor hammers at the same time. Frosti/Dave are overwhelmed and both throws break a vase. Zhan Hu efforts are dismal. James was the final throw. The stud breaks another vase to put Fei Long up 3-1 and sprints back to his tribe in celebration. Why?...because James enjoys sprinting.
Round Three - Jaime/Erik vs. Amanda/Aaron The final round and Zhan Hu is down by two. They need something to happen quickly. And something did happen in the name of Jaime. With one toss she breaks two vases to even the contest at 3-3. On Amanda's final throw she comes through with a key score to put Fei Long ahead 4-3. But Jaime has one final fling. Could lighting strike twice?...NO, her toss is blocked and Fei Long wins the IC. Zhan Hu has a date with TC.
This TC was very predictable. Actually a repeat of TC #2 with a slight change of characters. Instead of a Dave vs. Ashley spat the focus was on Dave vs. Sherea. The discussion transcended to what the tribemates deem more important--Working around camp or saving your strength for challenges. Peih-Gee gave an appropriate answer by saying a proper balance was needed. But in the end, by a deciding majority of 5-1, Dave was the fourth Survivor voted off.
Now Dave can rewrite his Bio to read:
Occupation: "Former" Survivor Accomplishments: One year of college; one QUARTER of ITT; and eleven days on Survivor. Good Riddance!
Next Week on Survivor...
A sappy showmance starts to blossom between Erik and Jaime. Erik announces that he's a virgin. HMMM, maybe his inexperience in sex could be a metaphor for his ineptness in survival and challenge skills??? Stay tuned.