When preparing your tax return don't you love the "pointing finger" that denotes TAX TIP or the "Stop Sign" to give you a TAX UPDATE in the instruction booklets? Since this is Tax Deadline Weekend I'll use those similiar "bookmarks" in my Summary. Hope you enjoy!
PREVIOUSLY ON SURVIVOR...
Yau Man shows us his foreplay techniques by kissing and fondling the HII he just found.
He can't believe his ally is a "big strong black man". Well Earl is black and I suppose anyone next to Yau Man is big. I guess two out of three ain't bad...unless you measure strength by one's desire to want to emulate Michael Jackson moves.
Mookie, Alex and Edgardo finds the other HII and make a pact not to tell anyone.
SURVIVOR TIP >>>>> When more than two players make a pact it's a promise with as much chance as Lisi getting a modeling deal.
Speaking of which, Lisi calls herself an "old cat" who can't be fooled. At least she's HALF right.
Earl reminds Yau Man how "big & strong" he is by dancing his way to a Moto RC victory. Lisi goes to Exile Island. Lisi wants to quit.
Challenge Stud Yau Man dominates the IC for yet another (yawn) Moto Victory Lisi now says she wants to stay. Dre disses Lisi at TC. Lisi gets voted off Dre has an instant orgasm.
SURVIVOR DAY 22
At Ravu, selfish Mookie states in a confessional that the "shared" HII is for his own self. Alex and Edgardo think otherwise and they decide to still keep it amoung the three of them.
At Moto, Boo arrives with tree mail. Earl sees by the look on Boo's face that something isn't good. Cassandra reads that they are to go to Exile Island and ONLY bring their personal belongings and canteens. NO reward items.
Ravu reads the same mail. The guys assume a merge at Exile Island. They begin to plot who they can get to join them. Dre will get Cassandra; Mookie will work on Michelle; and Alex believes he has Stacy in the bag.
They call themselves the Four Horsemen. Not too original, but apropos. Alex the strategist is the Horse's Head, Edgardo and Mookie could be the body of the horse, which leaves Dre to appropriately be the Horse's A$$.
STOP! SURVIVOR UPDATE - Dre hates Stacy and is "looking forward to voting Stacy off"
Both tribes paddle out to Exile Island. After exchanging phony pleasantries they walk up to the treehouse where they open a box that contains purple buffs. There's a note saying the merge is official and they must paddle back to the old Moto camp.
MASSIVE CELEBRATION - Mookie is ecstatic since he is the only remaining Survivor who has yet to spend any time at Luxury Beach. - Cassandra is relieved because she says she doesn't know how she would possibly survive on Exile Island without luxury items. UMMM, Sweetheart...What show did you audition for??? Three cheers for our stellar selection committee! -Alex proclaims that things are looking up.
OK my feeble minded outcasts...why in the world would you be told to paddle ALL the way out to Exile Island just to get your buffs and then immediately paddle ALL the way back to camp??? Could be one of three reasons: 1) To keep the seas snakes company, 2) To show other than Earl and Yau Man what everyone was missing, or 3) To buy the production crew enough time to strip the camp and leave them with bare essentials.
SURVIVOR TIP >>>>>>If you chose #3, go to the head of your class. They return to a stripped camp. Because everyone probably chose #1 or #2 they are stunned. Mookie is about to cry. Almost everyone is devastated except Earl who is smug about this twist. He boldly claims he's "trained" for this. Translation: Because he "led" the most pathetic tribe in Survivor who went winless, he's used to having nothing.
They must pick a new tribe name. Since "Bula" means Hello in Fiji they decide on "Bula Bula". Stacy amd Michelle go off to design and paint the new banner. While they were working together both girls are feeling safe since they feel the strongest males will be targeted first.
SURVIVOR TIP >>>>> Feeling safe in Survivor is a Kiss of Death.
Boo, in an unintentional form of comic relief, reminisces his time on old Moto and new Moto, and explains his strategy to hang low and wait for a chance "to assume leadership role...AGAIN" HUH?? WHAT??? Did we miss something??? Even Michelle with her current grammar school edcuation knows "Again" means it had to have happened before. Could someone please enlighten us? If there's one thing worse than a Cabbagehead...It's a disillusional Cabbagehead. Boo is a "Legend in his own mind." Clint Eastwood made a living of putting those types in body bags.
Mookie, Cassandra, Dre and Yau Man have a pow-wow and target Boo. They better eliminate him quickly before Boo can "assume his leadership role...AGAIN." Then Stacy is next on the pecking order. Dre is very happy.
STOP! SURVIVOR UPDATE - Dre hates Stacy and is "looking forward to voting Stacy off."
Stacy and Michelle reveal the new tribe banner. This is the part of the season I always look forward too--Admiring the originality of the banner's design. So how original were Stacy & Michelle?? Other than the obvious "Bula Bula" in the center, "Survivor Fiji" took up most of the space. Maybe because the season svcks they wanted to remind us which Survivor it is? And what other original idea did they come up with to fill the rest of the banner? AHHHH...Howabout everyone's name??? Now figuring they don't teach too much originality in fifth grade arts and crafts I understand Michelle's lack of creativity, but what was Stacy's excuse?
Stacy & Alex talk and also target Boo
Dre, Alex & Mookie confirm a Boo boot. Dre and Mookie figure Stacy's next.
STOP! SURVIVOR UPDATE - Dre hates Stacy and is"looking forward to voting Stacy off."
Mookie drops a bomb and tells Dre he has the HII. Alex is crestfallen. Dre is slighted that he wasn't told right away.
SURVIVOR TIP >>>>>> If it's inevitable that a two-faced hypocrite will flip, why give them an out or reason to do what is already in their deceitful nature?
Alex lets Edgardo know that Mookie spilled the beans. Edgardo says if Dre tells anyone he'll have to KILL Mookie.
Earl and Cassandra talk strategy...Well actually Earl does all the talking while Cassandra displays her best "social skills". Their transcript goes something like this:
Earl: No one knows who has who Cass: Ah-Huh Earl: Isn't that great Cass: Ah-Huh Earl: You've got to be the most popular Cass: Ah-Huh Earl: Well actually you and Michelle Cass: Ah-Huh Earl: No one pays attention to Dreamz Cass: Ah-Huh Earl: I don't trust Mookie Cass: Ah-Huh
Alrighty folks...even money if Cassandra makes it to the finals we'll have to hear the same old rubbish about how she played such a "good social game." Think I'd win that bet? Ah-Huh!
Alex asks who wants to go for a group swim? Michelle asks if she should bring her shoes?? Brillant! Doesn't everyone wear a pair of shoes when they go swimming??? Perhaps she's afraid if she runs barefoot she might fall down...AGAIN. (Not to be mistaken with Boo's definition of "AGAIN").
Jeff instructs the 10 Survivors to draw colored stones. They put out their hands and reveal. Boo, Cassandra, Earl, Edgardo, and Yau Man have orange stones. Alex, Dre, Michelle, Mookie and Stacy have green stones.
Jeff reinforces that the merge is still official but this challenge will be team oriented. Both colored teams must memorize an arrangement of symbols on a Fijian mask. They paddle down a river to three stations where someone must use a long pole to remove a bag of puzzle pieces off a squiggly pigtail like hook. When all three bags are retrieved they paddle back to shore and two members must assemble the pieces to create six symbols. First team to place the symbols in correct order on their Fijian mask wins.
For the winning team - A big feast and no TC. For the losers - TC tonight with a note to be read after the challenge.
Both teams head out to the first station. Stacy struggles mightily to take the bag off the squiggly hook with the long pole. Yau Man makes easy work of his...He's such a STUD!
Jeff announces that there's a learning curve to this.
SURVIVOR TIP >>>>>>> When Jeff gives advice during his play by play it's usually a clue to help the losing team close the gap.
"Learning curve" means you need to use your brain more than your body; so what does Team Green do? They relace Stacy with Dre...you heard right, Dre. Well Dre handled the "learning curve" about as well as pronouncing so-lil-o-quy, while Yau Man removes his second bag...He's such a STUD!
Finally soemone calls Alex's name and he's able to retrieve his bag Yau Man-like fashion but not until Team Orange approaches their third and final station. You'd swear Team Orange's hooks were lubricated with KY Jelly as Yau Man is able to quickly slide the bag off...He's such a STUD! (No double meaning intended)
Not only does Team Green have much time to make up thanks to Stacy and Dre's ineptness, but they lose even more precious time having to play musical chairs so weak Michelle doesn't have to row.
Team Orange gets back to shore first and Earl & Yau Man are the puzzle solvers. Boo wanting to "assume his leadership role...AGAIN" shouts instructions over their shoulders. Our Cabbagehead Doll would probably have the same success shouting over Einstein's shoulder to solve E=MC2. Earl and Yau Man smartly ignore Boo as they assemble the symbol pieces.
Meanwhile Team Green gets back with Alex & Michelle starting to assemble their puzzle pieces, but they have too much time to make up. Their only hope is that Team Orange's mask will have the symbols out of order. Earl puts in the last pieces, but Yau Man steps in and makes a couple last second changes. Were those changes correct? Jeff says YES! Team Orange Wins. Yau Man you're a STUD...You ROCK Little Man!
The note is now read to Team Green. They must go to TC immediately and vote. They cannot go back to camp and strategize.
Team Orange goes back to camp to prepare their feast. Edgardo is afraid to cook for fear he may ruin their reward.
Boo takes charge (I guess to assume his leadership role...AGAIN) which makes Earl very happy since in Earl's words, "it's what Boo does for a living."
This is immediately followed by a Boo confessional where his occupation "Construction Worker" appears next to his name. NICE CALL, EARL! Boo correctly predicts that had it not been for the Survivor twist and Team Orange's victory he would have been a goner.
With full bellies Team Orange sits around and has a campfire discussion of what they think might occur at TC.
As Team Green sits down they first talk about the merge. Then Jeff asks each one in succession why or why not they would vote for each other. HUH?? Isn't this suppose to be a secret ballot? NOW is the time for Dre to say "Jeff, let's just vote!"
Alex, ever the strategist, makes up for not having prior deliberaton and seiges the opportunity to say he has no reason to vote Stacy, Mookie or Dre. But he'll vote for Michelle because he doesn't know her that well. Even Dre (who's simple mind couldn't handle the "learning curve" of taking a bag off a hook) picks up on what Alex did.
Why even waste time by walking up to the parchment and writing down a name? But tradition must be kept and Jiffy needs something to pull out of his cookie jar.
1st Vote Stacy - Michelle votes for Stacy 2nd Vote Michelle - Alex votes for Michelle 3rd Vote Stacy - Mookie votes for Stacy 4th Vote Michelle - Stacy votes for Michelle
STOP! SURVIVOR UPDATE - Dre hates Stacy and is "looking forward to voting off Sta..."
Wait a minute. Dre votes Michelle. Well this is far from the first time Dre says one thing then does another at TC. Actually we should all be used to it by now.
By a 3-2 vote Michelle becomes the 3rd Jury Member. Mookie sinks his face into his hands.
In her parting words Michelle says she always knew she was "strong". Yeah...OK...Whatever. At least she'll be able to go to class on Monday with her purple merge buff for Show & Tell.
NEXT TIME ON SURVIVOR...
Mookie gets pissed off...which is followed by...Mookie getting pissed off.
First at Dre for not voting off Stacy at TC. Then at Cassandra for some unknown reason which Mookie says "was the worse mistake of her life." Pretty bold statement since he's only known of her existence for a grand total of 22 days.
Finally we listen to Dre tell Earl and Cassandra that Mookie has the HII. No surpise to this Summary writer.
The real Survival question inquiring minds will want to know is if Edgardo will now KILL Mookie?
Sorry I was long-winded, but IMO I must admit this was the best episode of this otherwise subpar season.