That's right, folks, eighteen. Eight-frickin-teen. How many more episodes do we have to suffer through before the fix is in and Janelle is finally crowned the winner of BB All-Stars? Hopefully, we'll find out soon, but first... Last time, somebody got vetoed and somebody put somebody on the block in somebody's place. Oh! It was Marci. Marci got nominated. Will he survive the vote on tonight's live show? We'll find out soon. But first...
Mrs. Les-is-More is a vision in sparkly black as she tries to rouse excitement about this season's big twist, which promises to go over like a lead balloon much heavier than the lead-balloon twists of BB's past. Will Booger use the Coup d'Etat to overthrow the HoH? We'll find out later, and there will be a big surprise for the HoH. But first...
Janelle has wielded great power, which we see in a flashback as Janelle says "it's been discussed and I have to put Marci on the block." Oh, yeah. Way to wield that power. Way to take responsibility for your decisions. Of course, this is lost on the Janelle-luvin population as Marci steals the scene by flopping dramatically into the Chair of Doom. Erika feels her chances are better against Marci, and even Marci knows better than to feel safe. He is especially suspicious of himself. After he evicted himself from BB3, he wouldn't put anything past himself.
See Marci campaign. See Danielle look Marci in the eye and tell Marci she isn't going to vote him out. See the Legion of Doom decide to send Marci home. Of course, this wouldn't be BB without a little misdirection. Will says Yoko needs to pack her bags so Booger will stop making weird music about plums floating in perfume served in hats.
This is really, really hard on some of these hamsters, having to choose between Yoko and Mr. Fart. But first...
Oh.My.Gawd. My eyes. There are the HG's sitting on the couch, and they're dressed like the friggin Brady Bunch. Howie looks like a fat Burt Reynolds in a black tux with a red carnation. His reddish brown hair is hideous. Boogie looks a lot like Owen Wilson in a light blue tux with black piping, red running shoes and an Andy Capp cap. Danielle, on the other hand, is stunning in a shimmery white dress. George is just stunned. He looks like Elton John going through a mid-life crisis and trying to recapture his youth. James looks like a dork. Will looks pretty damn hot for a guy in a pink ruffled shirt. Janelle is wearing a non-seventies dress, but that's okay, because she's Janelle. She does look lovely, even I have to admit that, even though I am having evil thoughts about the feathery boa that is wrapped loosely around her neck.
Filler, filler, filler. Howie rambles about Busto. He loves her, and Julie says that's a load of crap. (Actually, I think it was something about spools and lies and stuff, but that was the gist of it.)
More filler. Janelle's mom and Danielle mom do a comparison of Janelle and Danielle. You say Janelle, I say Danielle, Janelle, Danielle, Danielle, Janelle, let's call the whole thing off. Gawd, how I wish we could just call the whole thing off! Once we're done pretending that these two are in any way comparable, we'll find out who's leaving. But first...
Janelle is interviewed in the HoH. Julie asks about James, and Janelle says she thinks James is faking his way through competitions. She's trying to patch things up with Marci after they got in a fight in the schoolyard about him not speaking much to her and so she stopped speaking to him, but now they're going to be friends again! She doesn't trust him, though.
Filler about the Coup d'Etat. Sheep with bow followed by some dumb guesses, giant needle and thread followed by more dumb guesses including the winning one by Mike Boogie, and then the grim reaper followed by a brilliant guess by the smart, brilliant, intelligent Janelle. "Sow what you reap." Dayum, she smart.
Mike learns that he has won the power. He can do it only once, and it's only valid for the next three evictions. He can overthrow the HoH by replacing the nominations with his own selections. BB won't tell and he can't tell either. Boogie spends the next five minutes of my life telling us how speechless he is.
Back to the live show, and we watch the lead balloon sail across the screen as Booger does not use his power. Erika, wearing the classic little black dress, says she's honored, she loves them all, and she's honored. Marci, wearing a tasteful mocha tux with a tasteful 10-foot-tall afro wig, starts his ten-minute diatribe with the words "no big speeches." He goes on to call them all scumbags, and tells them how wonderful and honest he has been.
Voting starts. Mike votes for Marci. Howie grabs Booger's butt and votes for James, no, Margellus. Julie tells Howie to f*ck off and vote. He votes for Marcellas. James votes to evict Marci while faking being choked up. Will votes to evict Marci. George votes to evict Marci, but who cares what he thinks. Danielle votes to evict Marci. In keeping with tradition, Marci votes to evict himself.
So now it's time to break the news to Marci. By a vote of 6-0, Marci has been evicted. He hugs Erika, kisses Danielle and stomps past the others. Howie says "see you next week." Marci stomps over to Julie, and she tells him it's a good thing he wore the wig for protection from her S&M whip.
As Danielle fake-weeps, Marci b*tches about Janelle, using the word "scumbag" as a verb numerous times. Julie quotes Marci on some of the nasty things he's said about Janelle, because it is very important that he is called on this so that the viewing audience isn't swayed in their opinions about Janelle. They talk more about Janelle. Then, we get the videos.
Inexplicably, George is smiling and says "Hey, Marcellas, have a good day. Thanks." I am certain now that George does not have a clue where he is or why he is there. James says Janelle screwed him over. Janelle feels bad about him being the pond. Will hits on Marci. Danielle fake-cries.
Marci says that he has hated Danielle and himself for four years and he has let that go. It's still not worth a sun-kissed sequesterville in the topics, though, and he throws a live hissyfit to demonstrate this. Julie tells him too damn bad, he's going to spend the next four weeks adrift on a raft on the mosquito-laden Amazon, but first...
At the HoH competition, Julie announces it's double eviction week. She also announces that the producers America voted Janelle as prom queen. There are high school pictures of the HG's, except for Janelle. There's also a picture of a flat-chested mystery brunette. Will looks hot even with a geeky haircut. George looks surprisingly normal, if not geeky.
Now we get to hear questions that were asked on the web about the houseguests, and we get to hear what the fans think of the HG's. Of course, the fans are on drugs and the answers are way off base, either that or some of the hamsters are throwing the competition, but no one would do that, would they? *cough* James *cough*
It's a tie between Chicken George and Danielle. They are asked to calculate (immediately we know George is toast) how many minutes the house went without hot water. George answers quickly. Danielle is doing long division and has to be microphone-whipped by Julie to write down her answer. Both write somewhere in the 300's. Id.i.ots. The correct answer was, oh, six thousand or something. Tools.
Back in the livingroom, Julie tells George that he has to give his two nominations now. He exclaims OH NO! and then stands up and quickly but calmly nominates James and Erika. As usual, we get to eavesdrop on the HG's, but I don't notice a damn thing they're saying because Will just looks so yummy in that pink shirt and black tux! *drool*
So, who will win the veto? And will they take James or Erika off the block? And will Booger use the lead balloon of power? We'll find out on the next Big Brother All-Stars! "But first," says Julie, "my boss wants me to steal Marci's wig for later. For my, um, performance review."