This is strange…They’ve finally changed the formula. But I don’t know if I like these changes. That final TC set looks pretty weird. They normally try to keep them in the spirit of the locale, but this podium and microphone motif is boring, boring, boring. Poor Tom, this game really aged him. And why is he telling us about his gas? No wonder they put him in that stupid suit instead of parading him around shirtless. He used to look so good, but now. Oh please, stop telling us about your gas…
Hello? ICB, what are you doing? I know we’re in different time zones, but hon, you KNOW not to call me when Survivor is on…What do you mean, it’s not on yet? I’m watching it right now!...Presidential news conference? Yeah, it does say that at the bottom of my screen. Geez, I knew that Tom was a strong leader, but I can’t believe CBS got him elected President…Bush is still president? Well, I knew he was desperate to get his approval rating up, but having Tom deliver speeches for him?...Oh. Thanks.
*hangs up phone, switches to cartoons for the rest of the hour*
Previously on Survivor…that’s more like it
It’s a Tribal Council of diva moments. As Stephanie sobs that she would do anything, even kill, to stay in the game, Janu has a scary realization that she might be the latest featured guest on CSI: Palau and decides to quit in a diva moment of her own.
What the Hell Was That?
Thank you, Ian, for summarizing the thoughts of many about last night’s Tribal Council. The major impact of Janu’s “I’m going to take my ball and go home” strategy is that the remaining players revert to kindergarten behavior. And, since we’re back to school, it’s time to take a quiz. For each question, choose all that apply.
1. Stephanie tells everyone that they knew she was going to get voted out. How do they respond?
a. They admit she’s right, since after all, she’s not stupid. Why not just be up front about it? She can’t do anything to stop it anyway. b. Deny, deny, deny. c. Give her a present. Make it something that looks valuable, but didn’t cost anything and really doesn’t have that much value.
2. What were Gregg’s thoughts on the previous Tribal Council?
a. We should have voted off Stephanie. That was The Plan. b. We should have voted off Stephanie. That was The Plan. c. We should have voted off Stephanie. That was The Plan.
3. Who’s going to be voted out at the next TC?
a. Stephenie. b. Stephenie. Duh. c. Tom. Naw, I’m just kidding, it’s Steph.
4. What should Stephanie’s strategy be at this point in the game?
a. Talk to Katie. She’ll tell her what’s going on, since she can’t keep her mouth shut. b. Talk to Tom. He’ll respect her strength and look out for her. c. Practice her final words and start thinking about her jury question.
5. Tom says that he’s two votes away from going home himself. What should he do to improve his own standing in the game?
a. Win every damn immunity challenge there is. b. Promise everyone, including Jeff Probst, that he’ll take them to the final 2. c. Remind these folks that if it weren’t for his strength, Koror may have actually lost an immunity challenge, and they shouldn’t penalize him for putting himself out there for their sakes. d. Remind his teammates that the strongest player has never won Survivor, because he’s always been voted out at some point.
6. After Tom makes his speech to his teammates, Gregg and his harem (Jenn, Katie, and Ian) think about Tom’s words. What is the group consensus?
a. Tom’s right. We owe him for doing so much for the tribe. b. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! c. Remind Tom there’s a reason the strongest has never won Survivor – because he’s been voted out, dumbass! d. Let’s consult The Plan and figure out whether or not Tom’s future in this game is foretold.
7. Katie is thinking about switching her alliance right now. What should she do?
a. She should get in an alliance with the women – after all, there are four women and three men. b. See if someone’s caught any fish lately…or gotten a clam…or opened a coconut. c. Just stay the sweet, charming, darling asset to the tribe that she’s shown herself to be, and she’ll get into the final two and charm the jury into giving her a million dollars.