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Survivor: Palau - Episode 7 Summary

'Three's A Crowd' By I_AM_HE
Original Airdate: March 31, 2005

Previously, on Survivor:

Ulong swam with the fishes, and then slept with the fishes. Again.

After yet another tied vote, Stephanie broke, and then kept, her word, and James got the boot, and that ain’t no lie.

Haven't We Been Here Before?

Day 16 dawns on Ulong, bright sunlight streaming down through the high canopy of trees to meet the camera before it pans to the dark, squalid cave in which Bobby Jon, Ibrehem, and Stephanie have taken refuge. Ibrehem numbly tends the fire, Bobby Jon mutely prepares a coconut for breakfast, and Stephanie gives her little ragamuffin band a confused and uninspiring pep talk.

“We have 3, and they have how many? Like 8? That means, uh…oh, why’d I switch my vote? James was the one that was good at math. He told me so.”

“That’s just ‘cause he was born with 12 fingers, that’s an unfair advantage,” Bobby Jon pouts, “I only got 11.”

“Still, we can do this. Sometimes the best wins are made by the losers, I mean the people in last always turn around, and then they get all dizzy and maybe that’s why they’re in last in the first place. So I propose we don’t move at all. If only James were here, he could tie us to the trees like some wacko environmentalists and they couldn’t make us go to Tribal Council again.”

“If you love James so much, then why don’t you marry him?” Ibrehem asks in annoyance, but Stephanie ignores him.

“We can be like a second half team! It’s March Madness, bay-bee!”

Channeling Dickie V. is certainly mad, and not in a good way. Maybe she doesn’t realize it, but we’re down to the Final 4 now, and that’s always the least exciting part of the tournament. Coincidence? I think not.

“I mean, the odds aren’t in our favor. We’d have a better chance of hitting the lotto. Go team, go.”

Stephanie confesses, “It feels weird. There’s only three of us, and it seems like so long ago that we were nine.” See what happens when you don’t ration properly? Let this be a lesson to you, my little cannibals. She continues, “I’m shocked and appalled! Do you know how hard it is to be the only female here and have to suck so much? I dare them to vote me off. Who’ll do their sucking then? I know I’ve done my best.”

Ibrehem tells the group he’s never spent so much time with people, and that it scares him. The others agree that life outside of their parents’ basements is frightening. Ibrehem confesses that the next time they go to Tribal Council it’ll be tough because they’d have to vote off their only friends in the whole wide world.

I idly wonder what would happen if this fustercluck of a tribe decided to take it to the next level and produced a 3-way tie. Maybe Jiffy would snuff all their torches in disgust. If they had known that was going to happen, they never would have had to do their idiotic pick’em and send Jonathan and Wanda out. And Lord knows after listening to Ian’s singing the past few weeks, I’m missing Wanda.

Stephanie deludes herself into thinking there’s going to be a merge. Ibrehem’s also licking the frogs, and thinks being down to three is an advantage that will help them get farther. He wanders off into the forest to catch more frogs, allowing Steph and Bobby time to collude. She says they made the right decision last night. You know, the one she initially didn’t make, reneging on her promise to Bobby Jon before she reneged on her promise to James. She thinks she can trust Bobby Jon more than Ibrehem, and can go farther with him. They talk about alliances, and Stephanie concludes that they can be beneficial. Gee, ya think?

Bobby Jon, his eyes distant and withdrawn, begins the decent into his own March madness and, apropos of absolutely nothing, says, “You gotta do whatcha gotta do.”

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

Over on Koror, most of the tribe is whiling away a lazy morning in the shelter, but not Tom. He’s out on the beach doing his daily regimen of calisthenics. Coby’s pissed because the old man has better abs than him. That’s really not saying much, because so did that older man, Willard. Heck, Katie has better abs.

The Thorpedo is no slouch either. He’s riding into shore on the half shell upon the sea foam; just so does Katie compare the gigantic clam Ian hauls out of the ocean to the birth of Venus. Tom says it’s probably older than Ian. Jenn adds, “and heavier!” but that’s really only impressive in comparison to saying it weighs more than Janu.

Ian’s psyched about having the role of provider, and estimates everyone had almost half a pound of meat at the clam bake, in the process proving his mathematical prowess to be no greater than Ulong’s, since he guesses that there were 6 or 7 pounds of meat, divided by eight, borrow the one…anyway, they all had a lot of clam, even Coby.

Then, while they’re enjoying the sensation of full bellies, they notice a shark swimming around in the shallows. Ian and Gregg grab their spears and prepare for the hunt, but then remember they have to wait half an hour after eating before they can get in the water. Tom has no place for such sissy rules though, and he runs off down the beach and whacks a shark with a machete.

“AHAHA!” they hear him maniacally laughing.
“How’d you get it?” Gregg asks, running to join him.
“I hit it with a machete! Cut it in half! WOOOOOO!”

Gregg and Tom poke the wriggling shark with sticks and high five while laughing loudly and insanely, and Ian comes and assists them in the poking. The rest of the tribe joins them a few moments later and sees the two foot long beast bleeding out from its mortal wound. Katie exclaims, “Oh my God! He just jumped in the water and stabbed it!” Tom tells his fish tale to an awed audience: how he whacked it and jumped on it, and then worked down to its tail and whipped it out. Of the water. The shark.

Gregg calls him a madman. Tom saws off the head and washes the body clean in the ocean. Ian is jealous of being one upped, and decides he’ll have to bring in a humpback whale next to keep pace. Hungry for this greatness that eclipses that of Skupin and Hatch, he asks Tom, “Is there a way to learn this power?” And the Master, “Not from a Jedi.”

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