The Joe Schmo Show 1 - Episode 1 Summary

'The Best-Laid Scams...' By Draco Malfoy

We start off with introducing the "characters"
Earl- The Veteran
Dr. Pat- The Quack
Hutch- The Asshole
Gina- The Schemer
Ashleigh- The Bitch
Kip- The Gay Guy
Brian- The Buddy (who is also one of the writers)
Molly- The Virgin
Matt- The Patsy (Joe Schmo)

Ralph the host comes up, very Joe Millionaire-esque, in riding gear on a white horse. He tells the "cast" that they will be on a show called "Lap of Luxury", trying to win $100,000. They are sent into the mansion in groups of 3, with Matt, Earl, and Dr. Pat being the last group, getting a bedroom with 1 king size bed. Matt immediately pegs Kip as gay, but apologizes profusely and keep reiterating that "He's an ally" and doesn't have a problem with it.

Challenge 1- Whose underwear is this? Everyone donates 1 piece of underwear for this challenge. The winner gets to sleep alone in the "Master Suite", the loser has to wear the winner's underwear for a day. Kinda silly, but our Patsy gets into it, posing in black speedos. Other high/lowlights: Earl in a leopard print thong, Hutch in crotchless panties, and Kip in NOTHING. The script calls for Matt to lose, but Matt (in what will become a running gag) actually answers more correctly than anyone and the writers have to scramble to switch whose underwear belongs to who, and hope the cast will pick up on it quickly. Kip ends up "winning" and Matt has to wear Kip's gold g-string the rest of the day.

Earl, being all old and stuff almost blows the gag two hours in by forgetting which pair of underwear was "his", but he and Dr. Pat manage to cover it up enough by saying he didn't have his glasses/contacts in so he had trouble making out what was on one of the pairs of boxers and got it confused which was his.

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"Alliances" begin to form. Gina begins making real nice with Matt. Everyone shows off their Luxury "creature comfort" items. Kip has a Polaroid camera and scrapbook, Molly has a picture of her boyfriend (which she promptly leaves behind, confusing Matt), Gina has a dry erase board, Earl has nothing because "his generation never had any comfort", Brian has a 150 dummy named Albee, Dr. Pat has "therapy dolls" (which no one is supposed to touch), and so on and so forth. Gina takes the opportunity to mention how big a fan of Survivor she is... only to moments later totally blank on Dick Hatch's first name, referring to him only as "Mr. Hatch".

At the meal, Hutch begins going into full Asshole mode, discussing masturbation and picking his nose at the table. Later Matt confronts him in the pool and tells him that he's pissing people off. Later Ralphie comes in and tells them that the Tribal Council Riches to Rags Eviction Ceremony will take place the following night. Suitable tension follows.

The next day, while Matt is filming his daily interview, the cast is in the Winnebago of Doom discussing the day's storyline and being told to get more into their characters. Gina gets Matt into the billiard room with the revolver and sets up an alliance with him to the end. We all know how well this will work.

At the pool, Matt and Ashleigh have quality time. Angelique accidentally changes her story from being an only child to having 2 brothers, with suitable backtracking.

Challenge 2- Hands on the Immunity Idol High Priced Hooker. A hooker is brought out. The cast draws dollar bills from her bikini and panties to decide what part of their body will have to remain in contact with what part of her body. The winner becomes Head of Household Lord of the Manor and gets to wear the Pimped Out Immunity Necklace Robe. The loser has to sleep in the laundry room. The hooker removes her bikini top, exposing her breasts, and Matt recognizes her as a porn star. Whoops. The important placements are that Matt must keep his left hand on the hooker's right breast, Molly must keep her right hand on the hooker's left breast, and Hutch must keep his crotch on the hooker's right hand.

Now, according to the story, the last 2 are supposed to be Matt and Hutch. So naturally, Matt pulls away first, saying that he doesn't want to share another night in bed with Earl and Dr. Pat. SCRAMBLE TIME! So now they have to play this out, without Matt. Fairly early in the game, Ashleigh pulls out of the game and goes to her bedroom to "find" Gina's dry erase board. Hutch plays his part to the hilt, and when it is down to Molly, Kip, and Hutch, he harasses both of them into quitting, thereby winning immunity.

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