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The Joe Schmo Show 1 - Episode 5 Summary

'Is There a Fetishist in the House?' By I_AM_HE
Original Airdate: September 30, 2003

Last (last) time on The Joe Schmo Show…

Schmo cries like a baby when Earl leaves.

Matt nearly kills Dr. Pat because she liked Hutch better than him (you think he’d get the hint by now…)

Matt wins the Pimp Robe but gives Dr. Head Trauma his “reward” from the Sumo Slam, which leads to…

Dr. Pat being offered $25,000 to leave the game, and she takes the money and runs. Matt admits this shocked him, as he was sure she was The Mole. The poor boy is so confused, he confesses that he thinks he might be The Mole now. Oh come on Matt, don’t you think you’d know? Don’t you think the producers casting you as The Mole and not telling you is about as likely as them casting you in a fake reality show and not telling you it’s fake? Oh, wait.

Finally, before we get to this week’s show, and far be it for me to criticize Pooh’s excellent summary, but I don’t think she employed full rigorous journalistic scrutiny (at least the type employed in the National Enquirer), as she missed Matt repeatedly making reference to events that raised his antennae (no, there’s no double entendre here, there will be plenty of that to come, I’m sure). These are clear hints that, contrary to what some may believe, The Joe Schmo Show in fact did not leave out the character type “Alien.”

As Matt is giving his morning confessional, the rest of the cast assembles in the production trailer. They are congratulated for their handling of the increased schedule and adapting to the “spontaneous moment,” which sounds kind of dirty, but then what doesn’t on this show? They are instructed to “keep it in the realm of reality” – I’m not sure if this means reality reality, reality tv reality, or fake reality tv reality, but i’m not sure the actors know which reality they’re in either, so it all balances out I guess.

As the houseguests dig into the sumptuous spread at lunch, we get a brief glimpse of Brian, who then disappears. This is a common occurrence throughout this episode (Matt – he’s the mole!!!). The remaining five discuss Hutch’s lack of repect for Dr. Pat, who tells the girls he’s open for business today, those lucky ladies! Matt tells Hutch he’s an asshole, then high fives him (well, not exactly, but I’m not sure what you call that thing where you punch each others’ fists, so yeah, anyway). Ashleigh takes exception to this chumminess, but Matt counters that he’s not going to alienate him, because you’ve gotta accept who he is. So open-minded, Schmo is. He then tries his damnedest to allay any apparent fears that he is in an alliance with Hutch, making sure everyone knows that Hutch knows that Matt thinks Hutch is disgusting, and Kip says that as long as they all know that they know that he knows that he’s disgusting, then well, everyone knows, and that’s just peachy. Or something like that.

Hutch informs them that he voted for “D.P.” at Tribal Council…errr, the Riches to Rag Eviction Ceremony, to which everyone expresses disgust. Hutch says he don’t need no baggage, no fleet of slappy, sammy, samsonite – he was WAY off! Hutch has just two words to the objection that he might hurt D.P.’s feelings: Multiple. Orgasms. Wooeee, it’s easy to see why Dr. Pat fell for this charmer. Matt whispers to the camera “Can you f—ing believe this guy?!?” or so the subtitle would have us believe. Hutch says he wouldn’t have taken the 25 Gs, but Matt says he would have been so gone. Yeah right Matt, you’re stuck here until they tire of their sadistic experiment.

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