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The Joe Schmo Show 1 - Episode 3 Summary

'Schmo Can’t Rap, Schmo Can Cry' By Bucky Katt
Original Airdate: September 16, 2003


After a pep talk we learn that the goal of the day is to make sure that Schmo doesn’t believe that Ashleigh has a crush on him – instead she is supposed to have a crush on Ralph. Schmo or Swarm? Ashleigh dear, you really can do better. And poor Schmo - the first babe to ever give him a smile and all his fantasies will come crashing down in 12 hours.


Ashleigh quickly goes to Schmo to tell him about her crush on Ralph and we get to see Schmo’s heart get crushed on camera. Schmo rationalizes it by saying that it is because Ralph is older and more successful. I am not sure what he is talking about - I know lots of rich beautiful women who date pizza delivery guys living with their parents.

Ashleigh gives Schmo the “I like you like a brother speech” (which I am sure Schmo can recite word for word at this point in his life) and bad mouths Molly about her being phony and how she throws herself at Ralph. This is all to promote the Molly-Ralph-Ashleigh love triangle.

Ashleigh conveniently leaves the kitchen to touch up her makeup so Schmo instantly starts recruiting others to vote her off. Rejection is a bitch! He gets agreements to do just that from Brian, Hutch and Earl and gets maybes from Molly and Dr Pat. In his interview, he says he wants to vote her off because he wants to keep the “positive, realistic and fun people”. I guess Ashleigh isn’t fun now that he knows he will never get to see her naked – poor Schmo.


I’m not sure “talent” is the right word to describe this but that is what they called it and it rolls off the tongue better then “Phony Rigged Display of Ineptitude”. The first order of business is to introduce Jerri Manthey from Survivor. I am sure she has already met the rest of the cast of this show while in line for bit parts in movies, TV shows and commercials around LA. Jerri is in on the gag and has been cast as the bitch. I’m not sure this would be considered acting – and of course she complains about typecasting.

The contest involves each houseguest displaying a talent that will be judged by Ralph and Jerri. The winner receives the Immunity Pimp Robe. I will also mark based on talent and entertainment value. My scores were not included when deciding the winner.

Talent: Playing the Lone Ranger theme on the xylophone
Jerri – 3
Ralph – 5
Bucky (talent) – 8 (I am marking on the curve)
Bucky (entertainment) - 3
Reaction: Applause followed by comments on the harsh marking

Dr Pat
Talent: A puppet show displaying the “real-life” abusive marriage of Pat and her ex-husband
Jerri – 1
Ralph – 4
Bucky (talent) – 2 (She was reading from cue cards)
Bucky (entertainment) – 7 (Phony, over the top, domestic violence puppet show – I haven’t seen one before!)
Reaction: Silent shock and awe from Matt, phony shock and awe from the others except Earl who was giggling when he wasn’t supposed to.

Talent: Hula hooping in hot pink shorts
Jerri – 0 (jealous)
Ralph – 9 (horny)
Bucky (talent) – 1 (I could do better)
Bucky (entertainment) – 9 (But she looks much better doing it)
Reaction: Schmo comments on Ralph’s interest in Molly. The others comment that Schmo is a dufus.

Talent: Disassemble and then reassemble an army rifle
Jerri – 5
Ralph – 5
Bucky (talent) – N/A (Is that a talent?)
Bucky (entertainment) – 0 (Is that entertainment?)
Reaction: Fear of Earl’s rifle from Schmo – which is exactly his reaction that first night he spent in bed with Earl and Dr Pat

Talent: Beboxing (It is what rappers do when they create a beat using only sounds from there mouth)
Jerri – 2
Ralph – 7
Bucky (talent) – 0 (Eminem is to Vanilla Ice what Vanilla Ice is to Schmo)
Bucky (entertainment) – 10 (Kudos to the production staff for the slo-mo shot of Schmo dancing in his silver parachute pants - priceless!)
Reaction: The others clap along while he is performing and mock him relentlessly in interviews afterwards

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