A bunch of geeks and fat guys get kicked off the island by the beautiful beauty queen Larissa Meek. Then come the hunks, cruising in on their Love Boat- a scene we were treated to only about a half million times, complete with ETA and distance in nautical miles. The hunks make all sorts of egotistical and insipid comments such as:
“The paradise that these guys have been living in is about to become a nightmare.” Ooooh, I’m shaking in my slippers.
“These guys will not know what hit them” I would wager a guess that at some point it will be your fist.
“We’re just on a higher level than these guys” Just because you’re high doesn’t mean you’re on a higher level.
Larissa is crying and wailing “How am I going to tell these guys that they have to go home?” Boo hoo hunny, I’m sure you’ll find a way. She daintily wipes a tear and tries not to smudge her makeup.
Then we see the Joe’s standing in the elimination line, looking like they’re waiting for a firing squad instead of a former cheerleader. Larissa walks in wearing one of the most interesting color combinations I have ever seen: electric blue and pink eyeshadow and an orange and red dress. A note appears from I’m not sure where and it says……gasp….No one will be sent home tonight! All of the Joe’s prance around like fairies. No manly high 5’s or pats on the butt are exchanged -nope, it’s hugs and kisses all around for these guys. Well, I shouldn’t say all around because no one approaches Larissa for a hug or kiss. Way to play that one guys! As Larissa is handing out champagne in celebration I notice Boston Brian take a rose petal off of the tray. I’m not sure why he does this, but I suspect that he plans to tuck it behind his ear in hopes that Larissa will think he looks wicked pissa. We hear Sean say “And then the hammer came in.” That’s right Sean- you guys are about to get spanked! (And not by any of the other Joe’s because they only hand out kisses, not spankings.) Another note appears and this one says………gasp…….Everything is about to change! Oh my, I’m all atwitter, what could it be? Oh yeah, it’s the hunks that they have been teasing us with ever since the show started.
Enter Jim – he is wearing a purpley-blue colored shirt that is about 2 sizes too big, but it does happen to match Larissa’s eyeshadow perfectly.
Enter Jerry – his hair is pulled back into a ponytail and I can almost picture him & Fredo spending hours french braiding each other’s hair. How precious.
Enter Gil – Blonde Guy #1, he seems to have no personality and I have no comment on him. Yet.
Enter Michael – IMO the best looking of the “hunks.” Love those dimples!!
Enter Pete – Blonde Guy #2, he is the one who is high.
Enter Theo – In one of the lighter moments of this tension filled scene, Jesus Freak Mike notes that he & Theo are wearing the same shirt. Thank goodness they aren’t wearing the same pants! Theo’s pants are so tight he can barely walk.
Todd & Michael part 3 – their entrances must not be noteworthy as they are not replayed.
Mike III tells the Joe’s “Gentlemen, and I use that term loosely, we are your new roommates, and your new competition.” Larissa smirks and giggles and hides behind the note. She is so beside herself with glee, she doesn’t even know what to do.
OK, enough precrap, on with the show!
The Joe’s return home and David Dorksal, being the little cheerleader that he is, tries to raise the guy’s spirits with a little pep talk. No one listens. Brian G is mad, Tony is pissed at how happy Larissa was to see the New Joe’s, and Boston Brian doesn’t believe for a second that Jesus Freak Mike is not upset by the turn of events.
Back at Larissa’s pad, she is grinning ear to ear and says that she has never dated guys as hot as those. She can’t even form a sentence right now so she says (and this is a direct quote) “They’re…they’re …they’re…they’re HOT. And now … it puts the… yeah, twist… big twist.” Well said Larissa, you took the words right out of my mouth. I thought you were supposed to be intelligent. She then comments that she hopes the AJ’s take the twist with a good attitude.
Cut to the guys house where they are swearing up a storm.
Tony is bleeping mad. But if I may steal a line from Larissa here- He looks… umm, yeah… HOT! Tony has got a great body and his tatoos are very sexy, IMHO.
Dorksal states that they are now the underdogs in this situation. Buddy, you were the underdog the second you popped out of the womb. But he is one of the few AJ’s who claim not to be mad about the twist.
Fredo says “F*ck the girl!” You wish! Wow, that one was too easy.
The guys then all sit down and have a roundtable discussion. Well, it’s more of an oblong shape, but who gives a fig, right? I would love to be able to tell you some of the finer points of this discussion, but about 65% is bleeped out. Plus, I became distracted by someone in the background wearing a blue hawaiian shirt whose face was blurred out. Who the phuc is this guy? (We summary writers miss you Phuc!) The only parts of the conversation that caught my attention were of course spoken by Boston – how can you not notice when this guy talks? Boston says that all the guys are fiya’d up now. (Any Stern fans out there? FIYAH! Artie’s the man!) And he says that now the game has been cranked up 10 nawtches. So I figure that now the guys are on about “nawtch” 11.