Welcome to this week’s summary of Average Joe; the show that asks the question “Can 18 average looking guys be fooled into thinking they really stand a chance of developing a long-term love connection with a beautiful, caring, sensitive, young supermodel beauty pageant princess?”
Today’s title was suggested to me by none other than Brian Worth, one of the AJ’s, who is affectionately known as “Brian with no ‘R’s” in the house.
Tonight’s episode features two new beautiful faces – Brooke Burns and Michael Bergin. They are stars of Baywatch, and Baywatch Hawaii, but having never seen either show, I don’t recognize either one of them. Apparently, we’re going with a whole Baywatch theme tonight, which explains their appearance on the show. The Baywatch theme also explains the opening credits, which have been changed this week and are apparently very Baywatch-esque, with each remaining character appearing in a split-screen, slow motion action shot with a name credit. Again, having never seen Baywatch, it takes me a while to catch on, but I think it’s pretty funny. Snaps to NBC for the nice subtle gag.
Since there’s nothing like watching grown men be humiliated on national TV, the producers have cleverly devised three very physical contests between the AJs and the Himbos. The AJs saving grace is that they are blessed with the lovely Brooke Burns as their coach. She is indeed inspiring, I must say. The first competition involves a surfboard relay race. The contestants must each paddle to a buoy in the ocean and back, first team to finish wins. Brooke advises the guys that the secret is in the butt cheeks and proceeds to demonstrate. Every guy on the beach as well as in the audience agrees with her on this point.
Brooke chides the Himbos for their lack of team spirit, and the Himbos respond with a chorus of “We’ve got spirit, yes we do; we’ve got spirit, how about you?” Sadly, the AJs are unfamiliar with this common high school cheerleader’s chant as none of them has ever been close enough to a cheerleader to have heard it before. The event is set to begin, but not before Michael Klein comments that he can’t see them losing this event to the AJs. (Foreshadow alert is RED).
The screen caption tells us that 25-year-old Michael Klein is a “Marketing VP”. This brings back childhood memories of running a lemonade stand with three neighborhood friends who were a little older than I. One was the “mixer”, one was the “pourer”, one was the “money taker”, but I always had to be the “Marketing VP”. Sigh!
Back to the event. Thomas Grande, by far the smallest competitor is flying across the surf, easily overtaking Michael Klein, who started with a big lead. Thomas single handedly leads the AJs to victory in the relay. Brooke notes that after the first water event, their opponent’s egos are suffering from a shrinkage factor. The Himbos, confused by the term “ego”, look down at their shorts and make the necessary adjustments.
Event #2 is a dummy rescue, a task for which the Himbos are well suited. They win easily, but Brooke and Larissa are proud of Brian with no ‘R’s for facing his fear of the water and completing the task. After Brooke throws herself on Brian when he crosses the finish line, Michael Cardamone wants to comment, but thinks better of it, saying “I’m not going to say anything stupid.” Good thinking Mike – there’s plenty of time to show Larissa you’re a man of action by DOING something stupid (more foreshadowing, as we will see later).
Event #3 – Tug of War, and SURPRISE, SURPRISE! No the AJs don’t win! The surprise is that there is no reward for winning the competition! Instead, Brooke and Michael choose one guy from each group to go on a three-way date with Larissa. Brooke chooses Thom, and Michael chooses Jim.
Larissa’s date with Thom and Jim is a study in contrasts. Thom is wearing a really funky Hawaiian shirt that does NOT look good on him. By way of contrast, Jim looks very well put together. Even I don’t need Queer Eye for the Straight Guy to figure this out! Jim smoothly announces he has to go to the “bathroom” so that Thom can have some alone time with Larissa. Thom tells Larissa he’s having a great time, but must ask her “Why am I still here?” To me it’s a touching moment, as his look tells us that he is both puzzled and pained. Larissa sweetly replies that he is real, warm, glowing, and open. In my mind, she has come a long way since the night she met the Joes, and is at least treating them with tenderness and sincerity, even if she can’t develop the lust that the Himbo’s bring out in her. Thom appreciates Larissa’s openness as well.
Jim returns from the bathroom and spares us the details of his experience there. (Thankfully, Jim never attended the “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé” Charm School.) “Tommy” pours Jim and Larissa some champagne before he leaves, and I’m grateful that Jim doesn’t pat “Tommy” on the head and call him a good little boy. Jim and Larissa jump into the pool. They make out; they wrestle, and then make out some more. Jim wasn’t going to make out with her, but she started it so he’s happy to accommodate her.
It’s time for a commercial break, and we get more scenes form later in the episode. We also get commercials. I’m looking for the Quizno’s commercial that seems to be causing quite a commotion these days, but the closest thing I see is Taco Bell’s Club Chalupa, which apparently is a big crispy taco and not a popular spring break destination in Los Cabos.