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Average Joe 2: Hawaii - Episode 3 Summary

'The Invasion Of The Jerks' By Howard Dean
Original Airdate: January 19, 2004

If you've been watching NBC’s endless promos for Average Joe 2, you knew like everyone else that Week 3 was when the “hunks” were going to show up.

But now, after finally having had the pleasure of their company this past week, it was hard for us to know what to call them. None of the names we had before seemed to work. Yes, they really charmed us with their “endearing” personalities. Jocks? Himbos? Jackasses? Let’s call them jerks.

But first ... let's go back to the beginning of the episode, to the blissful world that existed before the jerks arrived.

Episode 3 begins with Larissa Meek in tears, at 3:17 in the morning, because she had just sent five Average Joes home.

“I almost lost it when I had to say goodbye to Donato” she says. “I mean it’s just ... like ... it seems kind of mean sending these guys home, but I guess they go into it knowing that ultimately they’re going to be sent home, except for one. I guess I just expected it ... like ... not to be that hard.”

I love Larissa. She’s hot, beautiful, intelligent and knows how to say “like.”

Larissa is a caring soul. Unlike Malena, she actually cries over the Joes. Not in the beginning, but now she’s warmed up to them. I often wonder if she might even pick an average Joe in the end. Either that, or maybe she’ll appear in an episode of Punked.

At the men’s house, the guys have just gotten back from the elimination, and David is all geeky happy. Not just because he avoided elimination, but also because a day or two earlier Larissa let him lean over and give her a quick kiss. As we see a clip of the kiss, we wonder how Larissa manages to keep a straight face. It’s ok, Larissa, go ahead and laugh. David’s an actor.

David can’t hide his enthusiasm from his fellow Joes. “Alls I have to say is this girl is the most special girl I’ve ever met in my life.”

‘Alls’ we have to ask you, David, is how many girls have you known?

“My faith in Larissa’s perception is 110%,” David says later in a cutaway. He then snorts out a nervous machine gun-style laugh: “ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I feel pretty confident we’ve made a strong connection.”

We feel pretty confident we’re going to laugh.

David has the gift of gab, and as usual the other Joes are rolling their eyes as he rambles on and on. But still, these are nice Joes, not like the nasty ones who constantly argued with one another in the original Average Joe.

The Joes all sit down around a table and congratulate one another for not being eliminated. They’re also reticent. “We lost some good men tonight,” says one. The others agree.

Wow! What a group. They lost some good men! You’d think these were soldiers back from a dangerous mission in World War II.

“I’m static that I’m still here,” says Brian Worth, with his usual Boston accent. When they show his name on the screen, we are reminded that Brian works as a Homeland Security adviser. Boy are we static about that! We just hope Brian does better in Homeland Security than he does with girls.

Thomas says, “I have to say, as far as looking around at everybody else, it does seem to be a good, even playing field, because we are all average looking fellows. If I was competing against a playboy, I’d have to use what I could to make sure he’s taken out.”

Oh no, Thomas. You just said the wrong thing.

You see, this week, Thomas has an unusual power. Whenever he comments on the fact that all of them are just regular guys and that there are no studs (jerks) around to make the competition harder, suddenly we are transported to another world.

I’ll bet Thomas never knew he had such power. In fact, it amazes me that the Joes waited until this week to be talking about how level the playing field is. Duh! We knew that already. Why now? Why not the first or second episode?

The producers of Average Joe are so subtle sometimes with their editing ...

Anyway, just as soon as the words leave Thomas’ mouth, we find ourselves being whisked away across the ocean.

We see a boat in the distance, and then a radar-like graphic tells us the boat is approaching the island where the Joes are staying. We’re given a time and distance readout. Oooooh! High tech!

This must be the hunk (jerk) boat that we’ve all been hearing so much about.

The camera moves quickly around the yacht using flybys, sweeps, pans, cross fades, dissolves -- and some “majestic” music that sounds like a ripoff from Survivor. Oh for pete’s sake, just show us who’s on the boat!

Finally, some funky music takes the place of the “majestic” music, the camera comes into focus and we see eight dudes with six pack abs parading like male models around the deck of the boat.

Hmm ... Eight dudes! The exact number of the remaining Joes. The plot thickens...

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