Last time on The Amazing Race: We discover that the Olympic stadium in Helsinki, Finland is not a pit stop. To quote Tyler or was it James? (Why after 10 episodes can I still not tell anyone apart?) who said “I was not a happy camper.” They open their clue to discover that they must go to the capital city in the county where Chernobyl is.” Raise your hand if a.)you thought we were going to spend the 30 minutes in the airport with teams trying to figure out what country Chernobyl is.” or b.) if you thought were going to have at least one team forget that they were going to the capital city and end up in Chernobyl instead of Kiev?Luckily for those of us who geographically challenged, Phil tells us that teams have to use some smarts to figure out that Chernobyl is in the Ukraine, (which is really asking a lot of these teams, considering Kimberly didn’t know that the rental car had to go back to the rental car agency at the airport back in episode 1.) and that Kiev is the capital of Ukraine, and once the teams land in Kiev, they must find their pieces of carp Russian made marked cars, where their next clue will be waiting for them.
We go back to the Tyler/James who mumble: Chernobyl? Isn’t that like, um dangerous? I don’t want to get a third high.” Raise your hand if you thinking: a.) you morons read the freakin’ clue, you’re going to the capital, not the actual site of the accident. b.) you’re bigger idiots then I thought you were before or c.) all of the above. We then go back to the Olympic Tower where the other teams are preparing to do the angel dive…Kandice and Dustin are first up, then we see The Bamas who say their quote of the evening: “Follow those Chos!” to find out where to go to rappel…The Chos meanwhile see Dustin or was it Kandice rappelling down, and figure out where to go faster then you can say “road block.” The Dustin/Kandice finally finish and for what will become their motto of the evening: “Where are the boys? How much further ahead are they? We must beat those boys. if we don’t they’re going to beat us in the end…” We see Kimberly and Lyn flying down the tower, well, Kimberly is flying down, while Lyn is taking her sweet time coming down…at least according to Karlyn, who is mumbling to herself about how she should be down by now…at this point raise your hand if a.) For once you want Rob to yell at someone to shut up..that someone being Karlyn b.) Karlyn’s voice is beginning to sound like fingernails scraping the blackboard c.) you’re actually waiting for them all to be in the plane already so you don’t have to hear Karlyn’s voice anymore? or d.) all of the above?
By the grace of BVM, we cut to the airport so we get our wish of not hearing Karlyn screaming at Lyn anymore, and discover that Tyler and James have <gasp> actually thought to ask someone what country Chernobyl is in, and what that capital city is. Although in typical model style they act like dumb American tourists and actually, yes, actually ask the women at the travel agency if she has heard of the Chernobyl, the site of a nuclear accident. She, being much nicer then I would’ve been says “Yes, I’ve heard of it.” They tell her that they want to go there…then James I think remembers that they want to go to the capital city, and that it might not actually be Chernobyl. Wanting to get rid of these morons, she tells them that they want to go to Kiev. Then upon hearing the news that the next flight out isn’t until the next morning, channeling Lake of Michelle/Lake from last season thanks Cyg they cry out “Dagnabbit!” There goes our blasted lead! ok, so they didn’t really say Dagnabbit, but admit it, weren’t you secretly hoping to hear that phrase again? Come on, it’s ok you can tell me, I won’t tell anyone…
To spare you more agonizing moments at the airport, all the teams discover that they want to go to Kiev. The Dustin/Kandice and Tyler/James get on the first flight out, and go to Kiev via Vienna. Rob/Kimberly, The Bamas and The Chos discover that the ticket agent lady has had enough of geographically challenged Americans for one day and tells them that they are closed and won’t be open until 6:00am the next morning, where some other poor sap will have to deal with them. The trailing teams get a flight out that’s just 30 minutes behind the first one, but they connect through Warsaw instead of Vienna…We hear The Dustin/Kandice hope: “There could be a delay on the other flight that puts them so far behind us that there’s no way they can catch up to us. If only those stupid boys were on that flight.”) Ok, that wasn’t an exact quote….but close enough. Flash to Warsaw where Lyn looks ready to strangle some one when they hear that indeed, as was prophesied by the Beauty Queens, their plane was delayed 30 minutes.
The RoadblockDriving Miss Daisy Driving The Bamas
The Dustin/Kandice and Tyler/James arrive in Kiev and without any problems, find their marked cars and make the wise decision to hire a taxi to take them to the school...as the clue is in Russian…then before you can say hmm, I wonder what that says in English Phil tells to us that the teams must go the Oster Tank School which is a military training facility 58 miles away, once there they must pass an obstacle course driving the tank and get their next clue from an officer. On the way to the school, we learn that the only thing that the Dustin/Kandice know about the Ukraine is the Ukrainian Bell Carol song that they painfully hum the song to us.
Rob/Kimberly also wisely decide to hire a taxi driver to take them to the school, but for some reason The Chos and The Bamas don’t do this…One of the Chos asks for directions, and for what will be the last time tells the Bamas that, yes, they do know where they are going…The Chos seem to immediately forget the directions they were given, because they seem to stop at every.single.gas.station they could find and ask for directions. For the entire 58 miles The Bamas follow the Chos, complaining every single mile…first the Chos are driving too slow…then too fast….then they want to know why they keep asking everyone for directions. Raise your hand if during this segment you were: a.) screaming at the top of your lungs to the Bamas to please, please, please, for the love of God stop following the Chos b.) Hoping that the Chos would say to the Bamas: Shut up already-if you don’t like the way we’re driving get your own damn map or c.) all of the above
Meanwhile while The Bamas are harping on how the Chos are driving Rob/Kimberly aren’t having much luck with their car…Rob can’t get the clutch to work and tells Kimberly to please shut up so he can concentrate… In the middle of all this we see Dustin/Kandice, Tyler/James actually finding their way to the roadblock without any fighting or getting lost…There is lots mud flying around, but it all seems to land on James…Dustin eventually kicks James’ butt while Tyler yells at James for driving like a girl. Rob and Kimberly beat the Chos and Bamas to the course, and get there just as the other teams were leaving..As Tyler/James tell them where to go Dustin/Kandice complain that “they have no friends on this race, and why did those stupid boys tell them where to go? Once at the course Kimberly drives like a mad woman through the course. We get this gem from Rob on Kimberly driving the tank: I think she’ll be able to get some aggression out…she’s finding out that she’s super robo-tank girl. The Bamas and Chos finally make it to the roadblock where Godwin and Lynn do the roadblock…Godwin finishes first, and hoping not to get lost again, The Chos decide to wait for The Bamas to finish the roadblock…the teams are on their way to Apt. #33 in Kiev to get their next clue. On the way back into the city, the first two teams who by now we’ve completely forgotten about are Dustin/Kandice and Tyler/James. The girls try to lose the boys, and run a red light hoping that will stop them…No such luck as the little lawbreakers ran the red light with them. The Chos are praying for a miracle to happen, and miraculously it seems that Rob/Kimberly’s car can’t seem to take any more of their bickering and decides enough is enough and breaks down on them…will this give the Chos the break that they need?
The Detour American Idol for the Geographically Challenged
As The teams race toward Apt. 33 Phil tells us that the detour will be a choice between: Make the Music and Find the Music. In Make the Music, Teams needed to travel three miles to a hip hop club and join Kiev's underground rap movement. Working together, they had to write and perform a rap song that incorporated the names of the countries they have visited on the Race. Their judge would be Kiev's top rap artist, and once he approved their show, he would give them the next clue. In Find the Music, Teams traveled 2.5 miles to The National Musical academy of Ukraine. Once here, they had to search among thousand of pieces of sheet music for the piano part to Tchaikovsky's Concert Fantasy for Piano and Orchestra. When they had the music in hand, they needed to search the conservatory's 120 practice rooms for one of six pianists waiting for sheet music. Once the pianist completed playing the piece, they would then give the teams their next clue.
First to arrive at Apt. 33 are Dustin/Kandice who choose to do Make the Music, as their rendition of the Ukrainian Bell Choir was such a joy to listen to, they wanted us to hear more of their singing ability. Tyler/James who were right behind them in second place chose to do Find the Music.
Both teams arrive at what seems like the same time at their detour, and we as we hear musicians playing classical music Tyler/James ask if this is the place they should be..and discover that it is indeed the right building. They have to change into tuxes, in which I might add they looked very fine while they searched for the right music. Dustin/Kandice meanwhile were attempting to remember all the countries they had visited to make their rap song with and decided that the USA was the first country they were in and began with that…we then switch to Rob/Kimberly who have finally gotten their clue and decided to do the Make the Music detour…meanwhile the Chos and Bamas are still lost…Bama decides that while the love the Chos, enough is enough and they take off and get lost on their own. Back to Tyler/James..they have found their sheet music and have their clue…Dustin/Kandice have finished their song and give what can only be described in the words of Simon Cowell of American Idol fame: Dreadful. Absolutely dreadful. Dustin/Kandice, Tyler/James are now off to the pit stop which is driving two miles to the Great Patriotic War Museum, a tribute to victory in World War II. As the first two teams are asking for directions to the pit stop, Rob/Kimberly find the rap studio and in the words of Randy of AI: “Dawgs. You can do better then that.” Chos and Bamas finally make it to Apt. 33, and the Chos ask: Should we follow them or ask for directions? Raise your hand if at this point you were a.) muttering to yourself: Oh my Heck!!! Enough already with the directions…this is a race Cho brothers! Are you trying to get philmated??? b.) thinking you were watching Groundhog’s day with Phil Murray where you keep seeing the same scene over and over again thinking that you’ll never see Phil or the pit stop in this lifetime…
Cue to Dustin/Kandice and Tyler/James arriving at the pit stop…and hear Dustin or was it Kandice? say “this is amazing” when they reach the memorial, and you know in that moment that they won’t be team #1, because it’s never a good sign when teams exclaim on the beauty of something….then cue to Phil telling Tyler/James that they are Team #1 where they have one a trip to somewhere by Travelocity…at this point I was so grateful that a team actually made it to Phil that I wasn’t paying attention to what they won…cue to The Bamas where Karlyn says that she’s an excellent composer and they can do the rap thing in 5 minutes and the Chos? Need you ask? They are still asking for directions....cue to Dustin/Kandice finally reaching the pit stop where Phil tells them: “No female team has ever won The Amazing Race before…” and before he can ask them if they think they can do it, Kandice or was it Dustin? (I swear I can not tell them apart!) says that Nothing will stop them, not rain, nor sleet or snow…” cue to the Chos who are still wandering around the city of Kiev looking for the National Musical Academy of Kiev. While the Chos are hopelessly lost, Rob/Kimberly are team #3. Cue to The Chos, who by the grace of editing, have finally found the Music Academy. The Bamas? Their rap performance was, well in the words of Paula from AI: “You guys couldn’ve showed a little more heart out there…you made this guy: (William Hung) look good. At least he had heart. That’s what we’re looking for.” The Chos find the piece of music that they were looking for, and actually found the pianist they were looking for. The Chos and Bamas race toward the pit stop, and hope for that the Chos are lost so they don’t arrive last…cue to the Chos who are going down an empty street, and get stopped by the police who have closed the street because of a parade and have to show all of their documents to the police. Lyn/Karlyn arrive at the pit stop screaming “Phil, Phil, Phillllllll.” where he tells them that they are team #4. Raise your hand if you were hoping that they would: a.) get a 30 minute penalty for such a bad rap song, b.) get a 30 minute penalty for using Phil’s name in vain. c.) just get a 30 minute penalty so that the Cho’s wouldn’t get Philmated? Meanwhile, the police finally let the Chos go, and they arrive at the pit stop, where Phil tells them that they have unfortunately been Philmated. In a good bye speech that almost made me cry, they said that they just wanted to run a different kind a race. One where they could be nice, and that they made amazing friendships with David/Mary and Lyn/Karlyn and wanted to see all of them do well in the race.
Whew! That was long...thanks for reading all of this, and I'm sorry it was up so late! I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!