'The Bachelor' star Ben Higgins: My head was spinning this week, I dealt with a bad rumor and worried my mistakes might cost me love
By Elizabeth Kwiatkowski, 02/09/2016
The Bachelor star Ben Higgins had an extremely "intense" week in The Bahamas, so much so that he was "uncomfortable" watching the dates back on television and the mistakes that he made.
"That week was just filled with so much angst. It was really the first time since this whole thing started that I started to doubt everything... I make mistakes, and I think anyone would when on a journey like this, but this was the week where I thought my mistakes might really cost me the love that I came here to find," Higgins wrote in his People blog.
During the Group Date this week, Leah Block was upset because she had yet to receive a one-on-one date with Higgins when he opted to take Caila Quinn on her second.
"[Leah] was really hurt that I had taken Caila on a second date before I had taken her on a first one. I actually think I was so worried about upsetting [Emily Ferguson] and [Olivia Caridi] for being on the two-on-one without having had a one-on-one date that I thought Leah would understand," Higgins explained.
"But I was wrong, and I really can see where she is coming from. In fact she told me that she would've actually preferred the two-on-one. Like I said, I'm not perfect and this was definitely one of the mistakes I made this week."
Higgins "hated hurting" Block and felt "awful" about the situation.
"But [I] didn't know how I could fix it in this moment... Plus at this point I was so on-edge about spending too much time with any one girl after everyone seemed so upset about me and [Lauren Bushnell] -- I don't know. I guess it's safe to say my mind was spinning at this point, and it really felt like I couldn't do anything right," Higgins admitted.
Higgins said the ride back to the mainland from the island was really awkward.
"Girls were completely avoiding me and whispering to each other most of the way. I actually was worried that many of them might leave once we docked, and I half expected some of them not to come to the after party that night. Maybe more than any other time in this entire journey, I felt like I had possibly ruined everything. I had let these women down and maybe there was no repairing it," Higgins said.
Higgins realized the issue was giving Bushnell too much attention, however, that still confused him because he was very conscious of spending too much time with a particular girl on a Group Date or leaving someone out.
"I decided as I was getting ready for the night that I needed to step up and fix what was wrong. I couldn't risk losing these amazing women, and I needed to take this problem head-on. It's why you saw me come to the party with such a sense of purpose. I didn't want to hide from the problem, I wanted to address it and repair it if there was any way to repair it," he said.
"It wasn't just [Joelle "JoJo" Fletcher] and [Becca Tilley] and Leah either. [Lauren Himle] was obviously upset. [Amanda Stanton] seemed extremely upset too. Really the only person that didn't seem upset was Lauren B... After talking to each one of them things seemed better. I wasn't sure that all the issues were cleared up, but I definitely felt like we were back on track."
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It turned out there was actually a rumor going around that Higgins had told Bushnell she was the only woman he cared about, which sparked all the tension on the date.
"As lovely as Lauren B. is, that was definitely not true... Initially I was baffled. These women that had just been having such a great time suddenly seemed mad at me or at least didn't care about me anymore. It was like someone flipped a switch," he noted.
Another mistake Higgins owned was the fact he dumped Caridi on the two-on-one date with a rose in his hand, which made her think she had won him over Ferguson.
"One thing I feel really badly about was that I picked up the rose when I went to go talk to Olivia. In all honesty, I'm not really sure why I did that," the Bachelor confessed.
"There were so many other things on my mind that it must've just been instinct as I knew I was making my decision and I usually pick up the rose when I do that on other dates. But this wasn't like other dates. Another mistake and one that I regret to this day. Told you, far from perfect."