Each episode starts with a recrap of the prior week's show and this episode was no different. We were treated to a review of Gary's desperate (and borderline pathetic) attempts to save himself. We were given more shots of Lydia pouting. Scenes of Steph running her piehole. Views of Cindy and Rafe enjoying their reward. More shots of Lydia pouting. Gleeful observances of Rafe kicking Gary to the curb in the immunity challenge. Obligatory air time of Judd being a punk. Even more shots of Lydia pouting. (What a freakin’ bunch of whiners. Gosh. Almost makes me wish that Wanda would have been called back this season. At least she sang.) Finally we see the money shot of Gary getting his torch snuffed.
THE DAY AFTER
Danni is the first confessional and she states that she is next on the totem pole and about to have her head chopped off. (Those of us that have been watching for years instantly know that this means she won’t be heading anywhere at tribal council except back to camp for another luxurious, mosquito infested night at camp.) Lydia says she sensed the culinary smells of sausage and eggs when she woke up. Judd pipes in and says it is because Stephanie farted. (Um, ok. Whatever, Judd. Go make yourself useful and hold a door open or something.)
Judd then starts off the first annual Maya Olympics with a cartwheel that, actually, ain’t to shabby. They take their turns at doing various cartwheels and round-offs. During the marvelous display of athleticism we are treated to some Jamacian sounding rhythm and Danni narrating and telling us how things are and are not going to go down. She is not going down without a fight.
REWARD – The Survivor Auction
Pretty much the same as every year. Survivors are given some loot (gen-u-wine, US denomination, $20 greenbacks) to spend on the goods Jiffy is pushing. They can pool money, but only the players that contributed will get the item. Not everyone is guaranteed to get something. The auction can end at anytime so they are cautioned that if they see something that they want they better hook it up ‘cause they might not get another chance.
1st item – Beef jerky. Danni gets it for $20. She was the first and only bidder. LET’S MAKE A DEAL – Jiffy tells Danni that she can keep her jerky or she can trade it for a surprise item. Danni keeps the jerky. Good thing ‘cause the trade would have been for uncooked corn.
2nd item – 3 chocolate chip cookies and a tall glass of milk. Lydia goes $20. Cindy goes $40. Cindy gets it. Lydia starts to put on her pouty face, but manages to hold back which makes her look like a trout. Cindy takes a bite of a cookie and informs them all that it has big chunks of chocolate. Lydia does the trout pout again.
3rd item – Not a food item, but still worthy. A mosquito net. Danni’s face lights up a Christmas tree. Heck, the poor twig looks like she is about to choke on her beef jerky. Rafe bids $20. Danni - $40. Lydia - $60. Rafe tells Danni he will split it with her if they go $80. Lydia - $100. Rafe and Danni - $120. Lydia - $140. Lydia gets it. Ok everyone, pause here for a second. Lets ponder. Lydia (the trout pouting, whining, fish monger) CONTINUALLY talks about how she is starving and wants to eat. Um ok. She won’t bid on beef jerky. Will only go $20 for cookies and milk, but will blow her load on a friggin’ mosquito net? Someone, anyone PLEASE explain this to me. I don’t get it. I think that this chiquita has spent one day too many baking in the sun. Jeff gives her the net and comments that she has a lot of bites on her back. She has that he hasn’t “seen nothin’” and touches her butt. Jiffy asks her is she has them on her “booty” too. Ok. Jiffy better watch it or Julie will spring out from behind the bushes and bum rushing Jiffy to lay the smack down on him for checking out Lydia’s butt. (Hey, hey, hey. This season could be picking up after all!!!!) Sigh. No such luck. They move on to the next item.
4th item – Covered and will stay covered. Jiffy says that it could be the steal of the day. Lydia - $20. Danni - $40. Steph and Judd pool for $60. Rafe and Danni pool for $100. Steph and Judd - $120. Danni and Rafe - $140. Steph and Judd - $160. Rafe and Danni - $180. Danni and Rafe get a philly steak sandwich, fries and ketchup/catsup.
5th item – Non-food. It is an envelope with an “advantage” for the next immunity challenge hidden inside. Jiffy says that it won’t guarantee a win, but if you win it and us it right it can help. Lots of bidding on this one. Danni gets it for $200. Jiffy gives her the envelop and tells her that the wax seal on the envelop needs to stay on it until they get to the next challenge. (My 9 year-old daughter points out, in true child logic, that he didn’t say that the seal couldn’t be broken. He just said that it had to stay on there.)
6th item – Jiffy says it is coming up around the corner. GADZOOKS!!!!! People start filing in and from the faces of the survivors I guess that they are loved ones and that this is the peep visit. Turns out I am right.
Cindy has a twin named Mindy. (Note to self – Slap C/Mindy’s parents silly if you ever meet them.) Rafe apparently got a good portion of his looks from his mom, Loni. When you Danni’s brother, Drew, you realize that she is so scrawny ‘cause he must have gotten to all of the food first. Judd’s wife Kristin really needs him to win in order to keep her wearing tube tops, hair bleached and lip botoxed. Lydia’s brother, Joseph, is pretty easy on the eyes. Steph’s boyfriend, Michael, ain’t too shabby, either. Rafe loses it and says that this is so random. We find out that this is the first time in two years that Lydia has seen her brother. (Bet now she’s wishin’ she would have bid on the jerky or cookies and let someone else have the net…)
Jiffy tells them that only 2 people can pool $, but only 1 person can come back to camp for the night. Steph starts the bidding at $40. The frenzy is crazy. This is the most action we have seen from these people all season. Rafe brings out the big guns and jumps it to $300. Jiffy announces that now they will have to share money. Right away Steph asks Lydia if she will loan her money. (WTF?????? Earlier Steph was pooling with Judd.) Lydia lets Steph have the money. You can tell from Lydia’s eyes that she is going to hit up Steph HARD for a favor later. (You know what they say about paybacks…) Judd gets dough from Cindy. Steph has $750. Judd has $880. Steph looks like she is going to cry. Judd gets his wife for $880. (Bet this isn’t the first time someone has bought her ifyouknowwhatimean.)
Jiffy tells Judd conga-rats and lets him know that he can invite 2 other loved ones to camp as well as his wife. The three survivors that end up having their loved ones stay will go back to camp and hang for the night. The losers that don’t get a visit have to go back to the old Yaxha camp to spend night alone. (Injury, met insult.) And, oh, it gets worse. The 3 losers won’t even get so much as a hug from their loved ones. Cindy and Mindy get to hang. Steph gets to snuggle with her honey. Bad move Judd. Bet that Rafe, Danni and Lydia are going to think up a way o cook your goose while they are slumming it over at the old Yaxha. Rafe loses it and bawls like a sissy. Jiffy tells the losers to leave and head to Yaxha and the others then head to camp.
Judd palys tour guide and shows the loved ones “home, sweet home.” Kristin is shocked at Judd’s new camping skills. Judd says that she thought it was hot and that she thought he was a sexy camper. (Ewwww. I think I just threw up a little. Do you think she rolls over at night and shudders quietly to herself when she sees him next to her? Ewwww.) Ok, the more I see of the Mrs., the less slutty I think she is – especially after they give her a shirt to wear. Judd tells her about his final two plans. Ominous music plays.
We switch over to the others going to the old Yaxha. Rafe is so friggin’ upbeat and happy that it sometimes makes me ill. Instead of harping on what a punk Judd is, he is rradiating in the happiness of the “homecoming” he feels in returning to his old camp. Rafe and Danni are off picking weeds and talking about trust and such. They talk about Judd. Danni points out in confessional that Rafe is a threat. Back to Danni and Rafe and they talk about how Steph really trusts Judd. They decide that they need to have Steph catch Judd in a lie so that the trust will be broken.
Night rolls in and we are back with the winners. Kristin is still amazed at Judd’s skills. (Hey, maybe Napoleon Dynamite was onto something with his whole “chicks like guys with skills” theory…) Kristin tells Steph that it looks like they will really be the final four. We are then treated to Judd discussing who will be going next. The plan is Danni and then Lydia. More ominous music plays. You just get the feeling that Judd is screwed.
In the morning the winners and loved ones are out doing chores. Mrs. Peroxide freaks out over the bugs. Mindy is hanging tough. Michael talks about how it is real work. The losers show up just as the winners are making a yummy meal of – wait for it – are you ready – CORN!!!!!! SURPRISE!!!! Rafe is once again positive and reveals that he is happy that the others loved ones are still there so the he can meet them. Judd gets the sappy sentiment of the episode award. He tells us that he hasn’t been eating, but that having his wife there makes him full. He said it is like eating 25 White Castle cheeseburgers, man. Awwwww. The loved ones then say their good byes. The goodbyes are sweet and sappy. Steph calls it bittersweet and says that she can’t wait to go home.