Among the viewing public, it is a truth universally established that a talent less and desperate attention whore in possession of a place on a reality TV show will do anything for a million dollars. So when news reached the outside world that eighteen such people were to be marooned in Guatemala, near some historic pagan ruins, the whole populace were excited with indifference. “Only think!” exclaimed Sally Sixpack to her friend, Jane Doe. “Soon there will be DAWs a-plenty on our TVs, not so soon as the last lot were got rid off.” Jane Doe could only agree that it was indeed all rather provoking.
However, as is the nature of such things, the DAWs arrived on TV on Thursday's at eight o' clock, and within weeks many of the most irksome - and many of the most winsome - had been voted off.
The day after one of these voting-offs occurred found Miss Stephanie LaGrossa in low spirits. For, though she was bright, intelligent, and fair, one of her particular beaus - a Mr Bobby John Drinkard - had been exiled from the group. And though she had delivered him to the jury, as he had asked her, and stopt the others from voting him off in place the tenth, she could not but repine over her loss.
“Oh Bobby John,” she sighed to herself. “If only you could have comported yourself with more decorum, perhaps the other ladies could have borne your presence better.” Yet even in the midst of these reflections, she had to admit to herself that even a self-proclaimed 'Southern Gentleman' who blew his nose on the ground, and whose accent made him sound like his mouth was permanently full of grits, was an unlikely target for womanly affection other than her own.
Still, Stephanie was not made for despondency and long self-reflection. She was soon attending to the goings-on of the others around her as they all returned from tribal council after voting the unfortunate Mr Drinkard off, and was taking a lively interest in the statements of two others in the group, Miss Cindy Hall and Mr Jamie Newton. Mr Newton had taken a dislike to Mr Gary Hogeboom, another of their party, because he had had the audacity to produce an immunity idol at Tribal Council, and thus saved himself from the ignominy of being voted off. This provoked Mr. Jamie exceedingly, and he sought to persuade Cindy and the others of his group of the desirability of disliking Mr Hogeboom.
“Depend upon it,” quoth he. “Mr Gary Hogeboom attempted as best he could to confuse our little group, by voting for you, Miss Hall.”
“I do not believe that, necessarily,” responded the lady. She was saved from having to explain her belief by the intemperate rejoinder from the gentleman.
“Not necessarily?” he cried, his face growing flushed. “Whatever can you mean by that? For if you will but reflect, you will recollect there is no other reason for such a vote!”
In the face of such ill-usage, however, Cindy continued to maintain her perfect indifference not just to Mr Hogeboom's vote, but all such single votes that were thrown her way. “So I received one vote,” she said. “I am but little excited by it.”
Mr Jamie Newton was much disappointed by this reception of his first overtures, and was silent, for the moment.
Soon after, Miss Hall sought out Stephanie, in order to discuss Mr Jamie Newton’s bothersome attentions. “It seems that every time he returns from Tribal Council, he wishes to enter into some dispute or other,” said Cindy. “Today, it was over the vote that came to me. And then it appeared that he became infuriated with me because I refused to join with his infuriation.” Stephanie could only commiserate this turn of events with her friend, and agree that it was all very strange. Yet a part of her that heartily rejoiced over the dispute that could only forward her own object of earning the million dollars.
It was but a short time later when a great agitation in the underbrush was heard by Stephanie and her companion. Both ladies looked towards the source of the noise in some alarum.
“Gracious,” cried Cindy. “What can this be that approaches?”
Stephanie was spared the necessity of responding by the sudden appearance of Lydia, the eldest and most rotund woman of their group. She burst into the clearing and instantly burst out: “Miss Stephanie! Cindy! Come quick! You are needed at camp!”
“Whatever is the meaning of this, Lydia?” asked Stephanie doubtfully, not yet willing to charge into the jungle on the whim of a woman who may have been fairly said to be deranged.
“Oh, it is awful!” exclaimed Lydia. “For Mr Newton has taken such a dislike to Mr Hogeboom, it is as like that he will punch the poor man!”
Now the two ladies comprehended the urgency! They instantly quitted the clearing of their tete-a-tete, and flew down the hill to the camp.