Survivor: Guatemala - Episode 7 Summary

'Have We Merged Yet?' By Jims02

Last week on Survivor: Palau II

• Jiffy surprises the tribes by sending both to Tribal Council.
• Nakum wins the "Pushing a Ball" reward challenge and Rafe wins the "Obligatory Jumble Puzzle" immunity challenge.
• At Tribal Council, Judd shoots off his mouth, Jiffy looks a little dumbstruck, and Margaret is voted out.
• Gary and Amy decide “Survivor” is not a numbers game and decisively vote out Brian.

Part One - The Lesser of Two Evils?

This week's episode picks up right where we left off: A belligerent tirade by Judd. Arriving back at camp, Judd thanks the rest of the tribe for sticking with him. Margaret just "pushed his button." She was just mad because she was the mom of Nakum before the switch and now she's just the bitter old hag who likes to push buttons. But since Judd only has one, she has to push it repeatedly.

Jamie's a big fan of Judd's sandpapery personality. Even though there's still eleven castaways left, Jamie thinks it would be a great idea to take Judd with him to the Final Two. This kind of Kelly Wigglesworth reasoning is sure to pay off eventually.

ADVERTISEMENT

Meanwhile, at the Yaxha tribe, Bobby Jon is having trouble with his shirt. You see, he has these really attractive-looking sores on his shoulder and his clothes are starting to stick to them. Charming. Daytime rolls around and we get an even better look at his sores! They're vile, disgusting, and generally make me want to gouge my eyes out.

...Eh. It's still better than another Judd segment.

Bobby Jon, in a confessional, points out that getting hurt is just a part of the game and that he's focused on the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. If you ask me, this guy's eaten a few too many bowls of Lucky Charms.

Brandon's got sores too. They make him look tough, says he. No, Brandon. They make you look like a patient in a medical journal. Put a shirt on, farm boy. Brandon also points out that he doesn't even notice them during challenges.

What's that? Challenges? Sure. It's time for the ever-intoxicating Reward Challenge.

Part Two - Tie a Yellow Yaxha 'Round the Old Oak Tree

Jeff welcomes the tribes and explains the rules of the game. To be honest, I don't know where to begin to describe this challenge. It's got spinning and winding and hooking and running. It's a big mess, but I'll try my best.

Four members from each tribe must wrap themselves around 30 feet of material, unspool themselves (no, that's not code) and then run to the finish. This is done in five, easy-to-master stages:

1. The first member of the tribe must wrap the material around his/her body.

2. When all the material is off the post, that person can unhook themselves, run to the next post where a second person is waiting, and hook in.

3. Then, those two castaways must wrap the material around both of them. Then they do the same process with three and four castaways bundled together.

4. When all 30 feet of material is wrapped around all four castaways, they can begin unwinding. When each member is free, they can unhook themselves and run to the finish.

5. First tribe with all five members across the finish wins reward.

Jeff explains that the Mayan empire made a lot of amazing discoveries, such as astronomy and stuff. However, their most famous discovery is chocolate. Hence, the winning tribe will win oodles and oodles of chocolate. Oodles and oodles and oodles and oodles. In addition, they will each get to glide through the jungle via zipline. But only once.

One final rule: The fifth member of each tribe is know as the Hooker Winder. It's their job help their team in any way possible. In other words, it's their job to stay out of the way. Amy and Jamie, who both fear physical intimacy, opt to be the Winders. Judd, who is too fat for this challenge, sits out.

Steph and Brandon are at the first posts for Nakum and Yaxha. Steph gets the job done first, but is having trouble hugging Lydia, so Gary/Brandon pull ahead. They add Bobby Jon to their Yaxha Wrap and keep going. Steph/Lydia/Rafe make up a lot of ground at the fourth post, as Danni slows down the Yaxha Wrap. Eventually, Steph/Lydia/Rafe/Cindy finish their wrap and begin unwinding.

As Jamie crosses the finish line for Nakum, Yaxha finishes their wrap and sends Amy. The Yaxha tribe are the best unwrappers ever. They quickly condemn Danni and Bobby Jon to the finish line. Nakum, on the other hand, looks kind of like a drunken merry-go-round. They keep awkwardly spinning slowly until they all fall down. But it doesn't matter. Yaxha unwraps easily and wins reward. Jeff congratulates the winners and then scornfully demoralizes Nakum.

Part 3 - 'Cause We'll Have Fun, Fun, Fun Until Daddy Takes the Zipline Away

After the informative and well-meaning commercial break, Yaxha goes off to their reward. In a confessional, Bobby Jon tells us that their tribe is starting to get some momentum going by winning this challenge. Whohoo. They've won one challenge in a row! I smell a trend.

The statistically-challenged Amy describes the emotions of ziplining. She's already afraid of heights, so it is difficult for her to trust in a single cable. Despite her worries about getting stuck in the middle of the zipline, Bobby Jon's misguided belief in momentum carries Amy across the line. She says, via confessional, that the zipline was a once in a lifetime experience. Unless, of course, you're on The Amazing Race or part of any other summary written by Jims02. No. More. Ziplines. Please.

Anyway, the other four Yaxha peeps perform the zipline Detour, but they're not really as interesting. Bobby Jon describes the experience as "majestic." Brandon uses the word "cool." I prefer the word "meh" to describe the zipline experience.

Meh.

Time for chocolate, which surprisingly is devoid of product placement. While the Yaxha Tribe stuffs their faces full of unmarked, generic chocolate, Bobby Jon insightfully notes that it was the most chocolate he'd ever seen. If he had to give the experience a name, he'd name it "Chocolate Fest." Clever. Brandon, who always confessionals after Bobby Jon, says he will remember this day specifically as the day he ziplined, the day he ate the most chocolate in his life, and the day he was sandwiched between Gary and Bobby Jon.

Nakum, surprisingly, is having even more fun than Yaxha. Rafe made an Uno deck out of leaves. They sit around, playing Uno, having a gay old time when Nakum paddles up to the beach and wrecks their party. Steph and Rafe put their game on pause and go down to greet their visitors. Sigh. This better be important.

It wasn't. Stupid Yaxha has paddled their stupid boat over just to invite them to some stupid birthday pool party for stupid Danni. They just expect Nakum to drop their Uno game completely and go swimming and lounging and partying. Nakum doesn't want to go because “60 Minutes” is on tonight, but Judd pushes them all into the boat.

Jamie's got the "Old, Crabby Man" syndrome the worst. He says he doesn't want to have fun with these young'uns and their pool parties. He doesn't see why they should associate with their enemies. Cindy's in the same boat, literally and figuratively. She didn't want to go either, but decides to feign happiness in the interest of the majority of her tribe.

Anyway, Nakum eventually arrives as they begin their 1960s Beach Party. Danni brings the leftover coconut chocolates and people start jumping and splashing around in the pool. All we're missing now is Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello. Bobby Jon gives us a trying-to-sound-smart-but-failing-miserably confessional, about how, Mayan Tribal leaders would meet, hang out, smoke some chocolate, and later go to war against each other.

Amidst all this, Old Man Jamie is sitting in a lawn chair, glaring at the fun sullenly. This game is business, not pleasure. He's going to like these people after the game is over, dang it, but not now. That would be a conflict on interest. Jamie blows his whistle, the kids get out of the pool, and head back to camp. Steph, like any stubborn child, is annoyed at Jamie's overall grumpiness.

Page Index: 1 2

Continue Reading >>>