What's this? The regular intro about the average shmo with his $19,000 transforming into a fake multi-millionaire plays again? It feels weird when I've just been watching an hour of Joe Mill-related crap. Must be for the benefit of people who missed the first hour, but still, it's a definite portent of boredom to come. After all that build-up, this next hour is kinda ho-hum.
What will happen when the unlucky winner finds out the truth? Will she still want "Evan" or will she be ready to tear someone a brand new dimple? That's what we're here to ogle. I consider how difficult it has to have been for Evan/Joe to narrow the field down. Will he pick the one with as little personality as him? What will happen when we find out the extra twist? Can we handle it?
Here's a twist - Evan gets arrested for popping those champagne corks back in Paris. Somebody filed assault charges. We need something really bizarre to live up to the hype.
Last week, goes voice-over guy ... and I can't believe they've got the nerve to recap last week's recrapisode. Bebo called her Alex McCloud. Swami dubbed her Ghost of the Show. I thank you both for the inspiration. gHost Cloud re-delivers the unstartling announcement. PepeLePew covered the entire recrapisode brilliantly.
'Last week' ends with Evan drowning his sorrows with beer. He did say he is really really really sick of champagne.
The girls are at a table. Isn't this from last week? Zora desultorily picks at what looked to me like a Kraft Dinner. She's in a cowboy shirt, while Sarah is in dining attire as her foreshadowy voice-over threatens to drive me insane ("My game, I'm in charge, he's all mine.")
Zora says to Sarah, "It's really happening, one of us is leaving," Sarah voices over that "Zora is so trusting. Did she just fall off the turnip truck?" Alright, so LOL. haha. Zzzzz.
Doomsday chimes. Evans says he's made the decision, now he has to look the amazing girl in the eye and tell her who the truth. I'm REALLY GAY!
He's also nervous about dealing with the girl he's not chosen. What kind of fingernails do the girls have. has anyone noticed?
Showdown at Okay Corral music. Shocking Twists Are On Their Way. dunh dunh dunnnn. About bloody time.
Girls Get Ready (again.) We saw this last week. Zora Curls Her Eyelashes is not worth a repeat. Here is Paul coming to collect her to escort her to the Grand Salon. This filler is too much. They've shown this Highly Incredible & Shocking footage how many times now?
Paul gets Evan, who is wearing a shirt with a sweater and gasp: real shoes!! OhMyHeck! Quelle shocking twist!
Another commercial break? That was never 5 minutes just now...
Zora sits alone. Here comes Evan. They have an awkward moment and then she doesn't appear to speak for the whole 9 minute segment. But then those shots of her on camera just speak volumes, don't they? A picture may usually be worth a thousand words, but in Zora's case, not so much.
However, why break a habit of a show-time? She hardly spoke during the entire 6 week show.
Evan is quite well-rehearsed. "It's been one incredible journey. The time I've spent with you has been incredible. However it's been a roller coaster ride." But do roller coaster rides make him pukey sick?
He reviews their dates and how he enjoyed them, but notes that he "got mixed feelings towards the end. This doesn't sound good. I guess where I'm going with this - there are two things I need to express to you. I'm trying to find the right words. He's dumping her. I really think you're an incredible person. For sure, he's dumping her. You're no dummy, you're watching, you're very observant. This looks bad. We really enjoy each other's company. But you won't have sex with me. Something made me feel at ease around you - what a great person. Still, a bl@wjob goes a long way. You have a way and I think you know this: you care about people and you have a passion for life and you make that known. If she knows it already, why are you telling her all this like it's news? It has to be that he's trying to let her down easy I've chosen you.
WHOA!! What kind of weird speech was THAT? I mean, was I the only one who thought she was getting dumped? Spoilers have been wrong before, as we know.
So now it's time to get to the Truth Telling. He says, "It's gonna be somewhat of a relief and it will let you know me better as a person. Cuz I can see how spending 3.4 hours total in 6 weeks might not have accomplished that goal I don't have 50 million dollars. I don't have $50,000. there might be some spare change in the sofa at home
I'm sorry I lied to you but I wanted to find someone who loved me for who I am and not what I may or may not have. Actually, that was well put. Who scripted this speech? If that's something you are happy with and accept then come to the ballroom tonight and give me your answer." And if she's not happy with it, is she just supposed to leave? Is she supposed to show up to tell him to take a hike? And will we be shown him hiking?
Zora looks happy, then thoughtful. I wonder what she's wondering. Is she thinking about her sick aunt? Evan voices-over that he hopes she can forgive him for lying to her. I think some of the viewers are hoping that she can't. We were promised shocks, and I'm not feeling the electricity here.