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Joe Millionaire - Episode 2 Summary

'The “Getting Dirty” Dozen' By Bucky Katt
Original Airdate: January 13, 2003

The producers must think the audience is as stupid as the people on the show are as we have to endure a 4 minute introduction. Evan is a dirt digger (wannabe model, wannabe actor) who makes $19,000 a year but the 20 women (wannabe gold diggers) invited to France to meet him all think he is worth $50 million. Its one man trying to figure out who he wants to bag while pretending he is interested in their personalities, and 20 women pretending they are interested in his personality instead of his money. What fun! This is like Elimidate on steroids. All the woman are gushing about Evan(‘s wallet) while he is struggling with having to lie to all these women. And like all men, I am sure that Evan has never before lied to a woman before to get her to try and sleep with him.

So after the introduction we get an additional recap of the first episode. More clips of “I’m not a gold digger but I really like the fact that he has money!” Evan has met the 20 women and already tossed aside 8. He gave the remaining 12 pearl necklaces *snicker* to signify that they have made it to the next round. The 12 remaining are:

Melissa M
Melissa Jo(Mojo)

Their pictures can be found here:

Now we finally come to the best part of the show: Paul Hogan the Butler sitting by the fireplace. I refuse to take the easy Crocodile Dundee jokes - however I will say that with that hairline he must be related to this guy:

Next is a totally contrived scene of Evan having to trade in his ratty plaid work clothes for his millionaire duds. As if last week’s dancing lessons and wine quiz (salmon is a fish?) didn’t make Evan look dumb enough! Just remember kids, good looks fade with time but stupidity lasts forever. So after we find out that Evan can’t dress himself, Paul the Butler informs the ladies over breakfast that they will be going on a group date with Evan - there will be 4 women going on each date.

The Vineyard Date

The first flock of 4 consists of Dana, Melissa, Sarah and Brandy and the five of them are off. Evan tells us in a voiceover that he has some work for them as he wants to see who can handle a situation where the going gets tough as his life isn’t full of many comforts. Translation: I have no furniture.

It is a cold and rainy morning, and once they arrive at the vineyard the women are instructed to pick grapes that are used to make wine. Is this something you really need to know if they can do Evan? Or are you simply trying to determine which one of them can handle small round objects the best. Too bad there aren’t any banana trees in France.

Brandy does her best to make the best of the situation by remaining upbeat. Sarah states that she is trying to portray an image of being not high maintenance which Evan reacts to by saying she is like Martha Stewart and too uptight and not the kind of girl he would normally go out with. He describes Melissa as spunky and teases her about her Princess Leia hairdo. Let me tell you, Melissa is no Princess Leia! She admitted that she isn’t an outdoorsy person and it shows. If anyone is being the princess it is Dana who seems to do more sauntering then grape picking. There must have been some dirty looks tossed her way as Evan tells us that the others appeared to be jealous of her looks.

I sure hope these four got to drink some wine because if not they got ripped off! At least the others got some leisure time on their dates which we find out about after the.....

Commercial Break

The Train Ride Date

Time for the second date with this one including Katie, Mojo, Amanda and Mandy. This date involves a train ride through the French countryside on a steam locomotive and apparently the women needed to shovel some coal into the engine to get the train started. I guess tossing a few briquettes into the fire on a train is the equivalent of turning the key on a car. Who knew? The women don’t look too impressed and Evan goes on again about his non-glamorous life. Translation: I use plastic cutlery.

So one-by-one the women get up on the train and shovel a few bricks of coal at a time into the engine while the others touch up their make-up on the platform. They all comment on how dirty and hot and sweaty it was. Only the show’s editors know what activity they were really referring to with those comments.

So now we get an actual train ride where the five of them can talk. Actually, it is more like Mojo talking to Evan and the other three watching. Katie, Amanda and Mandy complain in their confessions that Mojo talked too much - but c’mon ladies jump in there! This isn’t Monopoly where you each take turns! Evan does what he does best, smiles and nods his head without saying much.

Commercial Break

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