Survivor: All Stars - Episode 10 Summary

'That’s What Friends Are For' By shakes the clown

The show starts out with our usual post-tribal council fall out. Over at Mogo Mogo, the gang is really down cause there is a good chance Lamber went and got herself voted out last night. Actually, isn’t this group Chapera? Or weren’t they Chapera like two episodes ago, and then aren’t they going to be Chapera again in probably like 10 minutes. And which one is green and which one is red? And does it matter cause aren’t all the colors in this game digitally altered anyway? Its gotten so bad that I’m pretty sure we’re going to see a scene where Nemo evades Rupert and the Hawaiian sling sometime in the next couple episodes. You know, since I can’t tell which tribe is which from episode to episode we’re just gonna come up with some new names that will make it easy simple and easy for everyone. Okay, we’ll call the tribe with Rob, “Team Rob” and we’ll call the other tribe “Team not with Rob but still listens to Rob”. There we go, that ought to make it easier.

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, the first two minutes of the show. So, Team Rob is all upset about the fact that Lamber might’ve stopped screaming last night. Get it? C’mon, that one was easy. Don’t make me make you swallow your own tongue...cause I can do it.

Okay, back again.....so Jenna sums it up for her tribe in confessional...”We think that Lamber’s gone and it’s a somber mood at camp. Rob’s really sad. That was not only a strong alliance, but I’m like the only other girl out here and in case you haven’t noticed, ever since I popped out the twins my @ss ain’t exactly slammin no more.” Then Tom talks which is great for us summary writers cause it’s a universally understood rule that summary writers are excused from ever having to decipher what that idiot is saying, or more likely, trying to say.

Then Chyna decides to make an alliance with Rob and promises to never write down his name. Hey Chyna, just because you’re like only on the show as 12th alternate because Lis decided to not show up doesn’t mean you need to steal her lines as well. Now go fetch Rob a heart shaped rock. And another thing Chyna, have you ever heard that old adage about how if you’re playing poker and you can’t tell who the mark is then its probably you? Well, let me make that analogous to your situation.....if your playing Survivor and you find yourself making your first alliance on Day 25 there’s a pretty good chance you’re fvcked.

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Next up, the tribes gather for a reward challenge and Team Rob sees that Lamber did in fact make it through the last tribal council. I guess we can credit Rob for making a deal with Less, but the real credit goes to Lamber who decided to go against her somewhat ineffective Survivor Australia strategy of braiding everyone’s hair till you get voted out in favor of actually trying to make deals to save your sorry, albeit slammin, @ss.

For the Reward Challenge, the tribes will compete as individuals, but everyone is still wearing their tribal buffs. Huh? Don’t ask me, I just write down what I read off the telestrator. Anyway, its yet another jump in the water, grab stuff and carry it to the beach challenge. Who cares? And guess what, the winner gets to take two people to a paradise location somewhere nearby. No, not one of the other 12 paradise locations we’ve already seen in previous episodes, but an entirely different paradise location. I thought this show was Survivor? Every week, like 5 of them end up gorging themselves at some 5 star location. This might be the first Survivor ever where people come back gaining weight. Anyway, Rupert wins and he takes Jenna and Lamber with him.

On the helicopter a tearful Jenna asks probably the most self delusional obvious question in the history of Survivor when she says, “How come I get so emotional?” Gee, I don’t know Jenna, might it be cause you’re fvcking retarded? You probably cried when they cancelled Alf, that’s how deep the rabbit hole goes. Then Rupert, who probably learned how to tune out Jenna about 3 weeks ago responds, “my baby is gonna say that’s my daddy, he is the toughest daddy in the world.” Actually, Rupert, considering you went straight from Survivor 7 to this show and haven’t been home in about five months I would bet good money that your baby doesn’t even remember who you are. What you ought to be more concerned with is that new guy who’s been over at the house a lot these last few months and, more importantly, why your baby is now calling him daddy. I’ll skip the reward part cause after three years of not writing summaries I still haven’t discovered a way to make 75 rapid “Oh my gods!” interlaced with chewing noises sound even remotely interesting.

Day 26

The next morning the tribes gather at old Saboga beach where Jiffy has them drop their buffs and pick new buffs...again. Only this time all the buffs are blue and the tribes finally and for real this time merge. Whoopie. So, anyway, the new tribe gets down to the business of building a new shelter, which hopefully, will be done without the architectural “vision” of Rupert.

Right away, Lamber and Chyna try to come up with a new name for the merged tribe which is kind of the equivalent of having Corky from Life Goes On and Dustin Hoffman from Rainman get together to author a series of college textbooks. So, you kind of know going in the creative boundaries we are dealing with here on Saboga. Anyway, they settle on a name and form now on the tribe will be known as Team Soon To Be Pagonged By Rob.

Everyone is clearly excited about the merge. Say Less, in a confessional, “I’m thrilled to be merged if for no other reason then just because now the game is changed up. This is where it gets exciting for a game player like me who just enjoys playing the game of Survivor.” In case you’re having a hard time assessing the value of that statement, here’s a list of ten other “game players like Less”

1. Bill Buckner
2. The Detroit Tigers
3. Columbia University football team
4. Michael Dukakis
5. The cast of Forever Eden
6. Any patient of Dr. Kevorkian
7. The Los Angeles Clippers
8. Neville Chamberlain
9. The Buffalo Bills
10. Enron executives

Gameplayer extraordinare Less immediately corners Rob to plead for his life. Rob basically tells him to go fvck himself and then in a confessional laughs at Less for being stupid enough to believe he would actually save him in exchange for sparing Lamber last episode. Nothing to really summarize here cause Rob does a pretty good job making Less look like an idiot without my help.

Later on, Rob and Lamber get together to discuss their position in the game, and they actually make a lot of sense so there’s really nothing to summarize here. Later, Lamber laments in a confessional, “We have so many deals going along with so many people. We have deals with Less and Catty, deals with Big Tom, deals with Rupert and Jenna. Its insane, my mind is like freaking out right now.” Uh Lamber darling, that’s cause this is the most work your mind’s had to do since that one customer asked you if he could get Butterfingers AND Oreos in the same Blizzard.

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