AyaK: Bebo, you got a package. Me: Whoís it from? AyaK: Thereís no name on the package, but it looks like itís from CBS. Me: How can you tell?
*AyaK points to the Eye symbol on the return label.*
*I open the package and find a thermos. I open it and sniff.*
Me: Smells like Kool-Aid.
*AyaK pulls a note out of the package.*
Dear A.S.S. Episode 6 Summary Writer,
Thought you might enjoy a tasty beverage while you watch the show.
Signed, A Friend
AyaK: All these ďanonymousĒ notes, and they still havenít learned.
Me: So, whose stationery did they use this time Ė Les Moonves or Mark Burnett?
WARNING: This summary contains references to the most boring Survivor ever. Viewer discretion is advised.
Previously on A.S.SÖ ē The most absorbent reward challenge ever! ē One big blurry blob rubs up against another big blurry blob during the immunity challenge.
WARNING: This summary will treat this most boring episode with the same level of taste and compassion that CBS and Mark Burnett did. Viewer discretion is advised.
ē The winner of the first Survivor is voted out. The king is dead, long live the queen.
WARNING: This summary will not include detail on the commercials, since this summary writer cannot do them justice like Landru. Viewer discretion is advised.
Mixiní It Up With Mogo Mogo
Jerri: OhmyGod, what a scramble, and I donít mean eggs, even though I talk about food ALL.THE.TIME. Hatch tried to save that naked blurry blob of a butt. Since Iím Kathyís bitch, I almost didnít know who to vote for.
WARNING: This summary contains references to three women bathing together in a completely non-sexual way. Viewer discretion is advised.
Kathy, Shii-Ann, and Jerri hang out together in the water and discuss the previous nightís vote. Kathy explains that she wanted to save Colby, and she also wanted to make sure she didnít mess things up with Lex. Iíd explain her logic to you, but that would imply I found her conversation interesting enough to have paid attention. Shii-Ann comments that Kathyís the biggest power player. Well, when compared to two players for whom the lights may be on but thereís definitely no one home, that statement doesnít impress me much. Itís kinda like saying Jerri was the best builder on Saboga.
Happy Chappy Food Fest
WARNING: This summary contains innuendo about various wanna-be alpha males. Viewer discretion is advised.
Rupertís playing with his spear. Tom admits a fondness for Rupert and his spear, but Tomís concerned Rupert could take his place. Rupert sees a wide-open role as provider and is eager to jump on it.
WARNING: This summary has gone down a pathetic road that leads to some pretty disgusting mental pictures. Viewer discretion Ė and a barf bag Ė are advised.
Meanwhile, Sue is playing her own game and forming an alliance with the snails on the rock. After all, no one else will ally with her.
See Rupert. See Rupert fish. Fish Rupert, fish.
WARNING: This summary contains pompous boasting by an arrogant buffoon. Viewer derision is encouraged.
Rob: Look at Grizzly Adams out there catching fish for Me. OK, Iíll let him catch fish for Me. Heíll catch fish for Me until I decide itís time for him to go home.
Mogo Mogo and (ahem) Strategy
Shii-Ann: I heard what you said about me not doing anything.
Colby: Of course you did. I said it at Tribal Council.
SA: Why did you say it?
C: Because itís true. And I donít respect that under the radar strategy.
Colby continues talking, but I prefer Shii-Annís version of his speech: ďBlah blah blah, lecture lecture lecture.Ē She then tells the camera that ďweíre equals, but Iím not dumb enough to tell him that.Ē Oh Shii-Ann, get some self-respect Ė you can do better than be equal with that.