What? That’s what happened, right? Now THAT’s a summary. Precise, accurate, and easy to read.
I’m just messing with you. Here goes:
Rupert whines about something. I wasn’t really paying attention. It was probably something about being thirsty, because that’s all we hear about for the first 30 minutes of this episode.
Then we’re treated to *drum roll* unintentional sexual innuendo!
Jerri: Last night, (moan) I didn’t sleep at.all. I was up allll night. Rocking in the shelter, back and forth and back and forth. (sigh) I was soaking wet.
Yay for sex!
Rudy’s been drinking brain parasite water so he keeps telling these delusional stories about some crazy made up war he calls, “Vietnam”. Feh.
Jerri: He sleeps on the ground and drinks contaminated water. He’s talking out of his head. Any day now I expect him to accuse Iraq of having Weapons of Mass Destruction.
But seriously, everyone worries about Rudy drinking the parasite water until he tells another one of his loony old man stories saying, “We didn’t have fresh water in my day. You whippersnappers with your Brita filters and your Ev-i-an. We got our water out of the reservoir and at any given time you’d see a dead body floating in it. Six dead bodies! We called it ‘Dead Man Soup’. We drank it and we liked it! We loved it!”
Colby: We’re thirsty.
Shii Ann: We’re thirsty.
We get it already. You’re thirsty. Move on.
Everybody drinks the rain. Yay rain! Maybe we can talk about something more interesting like the lack of fire. Ugh.
Lex comments on Rich’s nudity. He says it doesn’t bother him, but as all of America can tell, it’s killing him inside. All that man out there just waiting to be plundered and way, way too many cameras to ever deny his lust.
Naked Rich: You all are huddled under there trying to stay warm. It’s not cold out here.
Colby (looking down): You could’ve fooled me.
Colby admits that he’s starting to become comfortable with Rich’s nakidity. But really, is this such a big surprise coming from a guy who sleeps with his mom?
Finally! A tribe that isn’t bitching about thirst. Instead, they drink the rain and sing the lovely “Water Song” which goes something like this:
We got some waaaater We got some waaaaaater *mumble, mumble* Yeah We got some waaaaater
Clearly, with the exception of Big Tom’s Dance of the Inbred, none of this tribe have any hopes of winning immunity if it comes down to a talent competition.
Saboga finds a crate! Mogo Mogo finds a crate! Chapera….yes! They also find a crate!
Only highlights here are when Rob suggests smashing it and Jenna thinks aloud, “maybe it’s an animal”. An animal? Yes. Hurry and smash it open so that the poor duck billed platypus that Probst locked away may be free to roam. Moron.
The most exciting thing about this challenge is that exclamation point I put up there after the words, “Reward Challenge”.
We’re building a staircase to the stars! Which, unbeknownst to NASA, are apparently only like 15 feet off the Earth. Who knew?!
The object is to swim out, get a log, bring it back, put it on the ladder, do it again, then again, then again, then again, and then finally, again. If you do all this without having cardiac arrest you win, are you ready? Blankets! Wow! That is soooo worth the trouble.
Big Tom and Jenna sit out, obviously because of their convictions about the slaughter of all the poor little polyesters that had to be sacrificed to make said blankets.
Rich gets naked. Probst yells out, “Stay with your log!” Which makes me think to myself, “is Rich’s log detachable?” Rudy struggles out of fear of all the ‘Charlie’ attacking him from all sides. Jerri hits her head. And then:
Saboga wins! Yay!
Jeff offers Saboga some pot. They all pass it around and then start giggling and saying, “dude” a lot. No, wait. It’s a real pot. And on the pot? A clue and some flint. But? And this is a big old Oprah sized but, if Saboga takes it, everyone gets it. So, they do because Rupert is a big soft sap that is going to lose the whole thing because of his enlarged heart gland.