The Next Joe Millionaire - Episode 5 Summary

'Springfest' By buckeyegirl

Today we will be discussing why the women are jealous of each other, and what Joe could have done better to stop all of the bwawawwawing that went on during the filming of the show. To give us the background of the show, here is Paul, the most famous butler in America.
Jerry: “So, Paul, tell us about the show.”
Paul: “Well, the show is all about how we transformed a cowboy who makes $11,000 a year into someone who has class. The girls think he has $80 Million dollars.
Jerry: Very interesting. What is our problem today?
Paul: (Sipping Cognac) Well, Jerry, you see the girls all had individual dates with David and became jealous of each other….fights broke out all over the place. I was hoping that you would be able to get some of the anger they have toward one another out of their system. I’m tired of getting yelled at all of the time. All those girls do is drink, drink and drink some more. Those Eurotrash girls are nothing like my sweet Zora from last season.
Jerry: I see, well, folks, let’s get this show on the road. Without further ado, please welcome our first Eurotrash girl: Petra.

{Cue Applause} Petra enters the stage….

Jerry: Welcome to our show! Tell us what happened on your date…
Petra: I had a wonderful date…we went to Florence, Italy.

My mission of the day was to make sure that David had FUN! He was broken hearted about Linda being all weak and asking him to eliminate her. We went to the Ponte Vechhico Bridge where we made a wish on a lock, and if the lock locked, our wishes will come true. David said it was like wishing upon a star. The wishing upon a star line is what we girls call a Davidism.
Jerry and Paul: A what??
Petra: You know, the phrases that David says that would sound stupid and ignorant on any one else, but because he’s so gosh darn cute, they sound kinda cool when he says them.
Jerry and Paul: “ohhh…we get it now.” continue.
Petra: Well, we walked around this plaza and saw a statue of David by Michelangelo. He actually thought it was the real one. I tried to laugh it off by telling him that was only a copy, and the original was a museum somewhere. Can you imagine?
Jerry: Well, Petra, I can see how an American might make that mistake…they really have cut back on art classes in the schools you know. But, now we have a surprise for you. David, will you please come out and tell us your side of the date?
{cue applause} David enters the stage
Jerry: Welcome David!
David: Thanks for having me on Jerry! You know, I really thought that statue looked like real deal. Well, I took Petra shopping and she bought this necklace with a purple stone.
Jerry: Petra is this true?
Petra: Yes, it was wonderful…the only thing is that the other girls didn’t like it very much.
Jerry: really? Let’s bring out Olinda and see what she has to say. {cue applause} Olinda enters. Welcome Olinda!
Olinda: I don’t need your stupid show. I just wanted to say that if it was me, I would have bought diamonds.
David to Petra: The purple stone is beautiful, and I know you would’ve been happy with a sno-cone.
Petra: I don’t know what you mean David, I felt like a Princess, and everything I like is super expensive. Remember that next time.
Jerry: Ok, Ok, I’m sensing some tension here….Petra continue, what was dinner like?
Petra: {standing up and pointing at David, crying} He told me, th-th-that he drank wine out of a box:
something called Franzia. Can you believe the tragedy of it all?
I told him that from now on he should only drink Toscano White Wine.
Jerry: You only drink Franzia, David?
David: Yes, gosh darn it I do. There’s nothing wrong it! But I have to tell you, Petra really cheered me up. She made it her mission of the day, and boy did she succeed.
Jerry: Petra and David I think that your date went really well. Petra, you just need to work on not caring what the other girls think of your necklace. And David, please don’t ever tell a girl that you only have drank Franzia before until at least your second or third date. {David and Petra leave}
Jerry: Now everyone, please give a warm welcome to Cat!! She went on the next individual date with David. {cue Appalause}

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