The Next Joe Millionaire - Episode 9 Summary

'Would You Like Some Filler To Go With That Tasty Filler?' By DebCapsFan

I am sitting here wondering how in the heck they are going to drag this out to two hours.

We open the episode with a teaser trailer, showing David looking forlornly at the door. No one is coming for the ring, the show is over. Sadly, the show is going to go on. And on... and on...

Some of you may know from my posts on OT that I am really dense when it comes to signals sent from the opposite sex. So to watch the episode, I am enlisting the help of my good friend from work who has the hots for me, hereafter known as Sexy Work Guy, or SWG.

(As the episode opens, Deb and SWG are sitting on a blanket in front of her big screen tv. They are drinking a nice Riesling, sans box, and have some of finger food munchies.)

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SWG: So tell me again why we aren't watching the Caps-Detwah game?
Deb: I volunteered to recap this episode of Joe Millionaire for a bunch of very nice people I've never met in my life.
SWG: Okay. So this is one of those shows where I can get perfectly caught up in the first ten minutes, right?
Deb: Well, I have this sinking feeling the entire episode is going to be recap.

We see Cat and Linda sitting and chatting. Cat tells Linda she cheated by coming back. She tells her if it was just herself and Petra, she would have won by now. Linda admits she has a good point.

SWG: This is further enforcing that Linda is the sweet one.
Deb: Yep

We are then treated to a timeline montage. Some highlights: Joe cried when Linda left and Petra cheered him up. Poor Petra, she could have been the sweet one. Olinda with her late night party ways and the behind smacking. All reality shows should have a little behind smacking.
Olinda attempting to slay her gladiator. Come to think of it, most of the highlight worthy moments came from Olinda. She's like Baby Spice on some evil substance kids should just say no to. David has a breakdown about making a choice. That is done to show how sweet and kind he is and how he is meant to be with a nice, sweet girl. It happens that he has been lying to said girl for awhile now. Oh, the irony.

And we're back to Linda and Cat. Linda admits she's jealous, and has doubts he loves her. Cat feels pretty good about her chances. Take this scene, rinse, and repeat.

My tv boyfriend, Paul, comes on and says Linda is sweet, ladylike and pleasant.

SWG: Sounds like great characteristics for a pet.
Deb: But not a girlfriend. You have to have a little spice with your sugar or things get dull.

Linda and David have an uncomfortable conversation where he looks ready to spill his guts. Linda says he's honest and pure, just to HAMMER home how many times he's lied to her. This exchange is interrupted with Cat talking about how honest David is and how much fun they have together.

Deb: I hope David never plays anyone at cards. I could take him for a buck or two.
SWG: Would you like to play now? We could play a game of strip poker.
Deb: I have to concentrate on this show for a little while longer. So quit distracting me.

Cat has very cute feet. The closeup on her feet is also enforcing, as tig_ger pointed out, that Cat is this season's Sarah. Linda continues to be nervous. Thank you, Fox execs for hammering home how sweet and pure and frelling nervous Linda is.

My tv boyfriend reveals that Cat is sophisticated, with the elegance of a fox. Okay, so she's the opposite of sweet and pure. I think I'm catching on.

Cat and David have an uncomfortable exchange where they toast to the great times they have had. David states the obvious that he and Cat have been more intimate. In the best moment of the hour, Cat reveals she has been dreaming about horse riding.

Deb: Even I get that she's not talking about riding the horse.
SWG: (just grins at her)

Now we have the weird moment of the episode, where Linda is shown watching Cat and David out the window. This is screaming potential stalker to me. She tells us she can read David's thoughts. Honey, he's thinking about horse riding. But you aren't the horse.
Cat gets David a CD. She tells him the music means a lot to her. I thought this was very cool, but it threw me a little. I guess Cat is more attached to David than I thought. Cat senses David is unhappy. He admits he's very stressed. She offers to ease his suffering. Yep, I get that one too.

We see David tossing and turning, and looking generally anguished. The fact that I am sitting next to someone who could easily match David in the bod department minimizes my drool.

Linda comes to the shocking revelation that David likes both ladies. We get a teaser of David saying he has no money, and a woman gasping.

(Deb flips over to the hockey game.)
Deb: Oh my goodness, they are actually winning. By a lot!
(SWG goes to kiss her, but hits her cheek when she turns her head to look at the tv screen.)
SWG: Better change back, or you'll miss the thrilling conclusion.
Deb: (rolls her eyes)
SWG: (drops a kiss in her hair) I would really like to kiss you at some point.
Deb: I don't know. I've got a lot of bread baggage from my last relationship that ended recently. I can't just go from one to the next with no time to myself.

My tv boyfriend wakes David. He tells us he's worried about being rejected. He says he could be heartbroken. Linda's still confused. I resist the urge to throw my remote at the tv. Paul tells the ladies they have a half an hour. Linda tries to say that this is a fairytale.
Cat tells her there are no happy endings.

SWG: For her anyway.
Deb: What, you think they are going with the fairytale ending again? Didn't they try that already?
SWG: I guess they think that's what people want to see.

The most useless reality show host ever comes in and tells them they will be spoken to individually. And he will offer one of them a promise ring.

Linda asks Cat what a promise ring is. Cat thinks it's like an engagement ring. The two ladies wait. I have to admit that at this point I am rooting for Cat. I have a friend (who coincidentally is named Kat) just like her. She's got this confidence that is very sexy. I hate cigarette smoke, but on her... it looks pretty good. I'm hoping Cat is okay with whatever happens to her. I admired how tough she was when all the ladies were picking on her. I would have been a blubbering mess.

There are random fountain filler shots. Oh my goodness. Filler in the filler episode. Linda tells us she realizes now she can fall in love on second sight, or something. I didn't quite get it. She tells us love can grow. She's making me want to expel my tasty finger foods.

Paul seems nervous as he goes to get Cat. I think that's pretty cool. Cat keeps Paul waiting again doing her hair. We fade out as Cat is waiting on the bench of reality decision making.

Will Cat get the kiss off from David? Find out in the summary provided by the lovely and talented Swami. Will Sexy Work Guy finally kiss Deb? If you ask me nicely, I'll let you know.

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