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Survivor: Panama - Episode 12 Summary

'Terry Thinks He's God' By zipperhead
Original Airdate: May 4, 2006

Previously on Survivor:

• Terry says that maybe he should start making nice with the kids who eliminated the rest of his old tribe. Bah, who needs nice when you have the secret immunity idol?
• Courtney channels evil energies without trying.
• The cameramen zoom in on Danielle’s fake oobies a few times.
• Terry wins a car, and nobody who ever won a car went on to blah blah blah.
• Cirie gets everybody all confused - Terry and Courtney think they’re getting rid of Aras, Shane thinks they’re getting rid of Danielle, and Cirie, Aras and Danielle vote for Courtney.
• Courtney goes bye-bye.

For more detail,
read this. There are now two younger guys (Shane was in the younger guys group at the beginning, wasn‘t he? Ah, who cares,) one older guy, one older woman, and one younger woman left.

Night 30 (immediately after Tribal Council)

Shane comes back from tribal council wondering why nobody filled him in on the plan to vote out Courtney. Maybe it’s because Cirie is calling the shots and you’re not, dumbass. Should have double-checked your Blackberry, Shane, it’s all in there. Cirie concocts a story to make Shane feel better. Cirie is a liar, yes she is. Which is one of the reasons she’s gotten this far. She also backstabs (doesn‘t she Courtney), and she is in no shape to win any immunity challenges. This means she has an excellent chance to win the whole thing. Gosh, isn’t it exciting to watch people who are out of shape and say whatever they need to say to people’s faces to make those people like them? Can you tell I’m a Paula Abdul fan?

Shane privately admits that he wanted to take Courtney to the final two because he thinks the jury would like him better. At this point Shane, it doesn’t matter if you dug up a corpse and brought it with you to the final two. No one on the jury is going to give a million dollars to a headcase like you.

Feel free to daydream about what a corpse would do with a million dollars. I’m thinking a tanning bed would be near the top of the list.

Day 31

Shane thinks everything is calm at camp. That’s because he’s an idiot. However, Mr. Is-that-an-immunity-idol-in-your-pocket-or-are-you-just-happy-to-see-me feels betrayed by Danielle. Seems they had made an agreement at the last RC barbecue to go into the final three with Courtney. Then Danielle flipped her vote after Cirie hip-motized her. Poor little fighter pilot got lied to and now he’s gonna cry. Or, he’s gonna go kick ass in some more challenges.

Reward Challenge

Another stinking obstacle course where someone gets dropped after each obstacle. These obstacle courses are unimaginative and boring. And surely I’m not the only one who tunes out Jiffy’s five minute lecture on how the course is supposed to be run. We’ll see them run it, so we don’t need to know what they’re doing. I already know what they have to do - it’s an obstacle course. Keep the instructions short and let the action take center stage. Let’s see them wrestle crocodiles blindfolded, dammit! How many times do we have to suggest that before you people listen to us?

What they have to do here is dig up a bag, untie a wooden snake, get a fish, climb around on some poles and race to the finish. Told you it was boring. Anyway, the reward is “love”. That’s right, Jiffy said the reward is “love”. For a moment, it sounds as if Probst is going to get all religious. Then he goes on to explain that the love is face-to-face time with a loved one. Again, this kind of thing is boring and repetitive. We’ve seen this kind of reward every season. The reward should be something like, “We are going to sell your guts to Chinese organ thieves….” Okay, I don’t know where I was going with that.

Danielle, Terry and Aras are the first three to uncover bags in the sand and they move on. Somehow, Cirie gets her bag before Shane does. Then we are given a close-up of Shane’s tattoo on his chest which reads “Boston”. I’m not sure what Shane may have been saying at that time, but it sure was an odd close-up.

After five more minutes of Danielle’s oobies being shoved in our faces, she gets her snake unraveled first. Terry and Aras get their snake untied. As men, they are just naturally more cautious when it comes to handling their penises. Oops, sorry - I meant to be a little more clever about comparing a fake snake to their sexual organs. Cirie has gone back to camp again (why does she even try?). Next, Terry and Aras get their fish off the line, leaving Danielle with her fish still dangling. In the final leg of the contest, Aras drops his stuff while going through the wooden pipes and Terry wins the reward. Bastard.

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