Previously on ‘The Bachelor: Paris’, 25 beautiful young women traveled to the magical City of Lights to find love and romance with our handsome bachelor, Dr. Travis Stork. Twenty-three of these young women have been rejected, turned away rose-less, and as a result have become bitter harpies, who are reuniting tonight against their will to discuss their journey and amazing connection with Dr. Stork.
Now do you understand why I’ve procrastinated so long to write this recap? Let’s review. Monday, fell asleep before the show aired, confident in the knowledge that the recorder will capture every precious moment. Tuesday, oops, two hours of the ladies on ‘American Idol’, that must be more interesting than recapping the Bachelorettes. Wednesday, hey, I get to watch Ace sing on ‘American Idol’ tonight. The ladies will have to wait. Thursday, what a train wreck of a schedule, ‘Survivor’, ‘DWTS’, ‘AI Results Show’ and Ladies Figure Skating finals. The summary didn’t have a chance.
But the time has come, I can avoid it no longer. There are at least three of you out there who are waiting with baited breath to hear what I have to say. Without further ado, previously on ‘The Bachelor: Paris’….
Will there be catfights? Will there be tears? Will Tara be drunk tonight? Has Ali G found a way to preserve her rotting eggs? Travis will join the ladies and there will be fireworks because Moana is one of the final two.
Chris Harrison joins us and tells us this has been the ‘most talked about season ever’. Yea, and every rose ceremony is the ‘most shocking’. Chris loves the reunion show, because he finally gets to say something more than ‘ladies, there is one rose left’. He begins by introducing the ladies in what appears to be the order they were sent home, which means none of us recognize the first 10 ladies, and few of the other 15. Something is missing, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. There are, of course, stand-outs. Tara, in a hot pink, off-the shoulder blouse that does nothing for her complexion or hair, is still slurring her words. Is that just her natural way of speaking? Susan is sitting down at the end of the line with a very sour look on her face. Has she smiled once tonight? Well, she does muster a pageant smile when she is introduced.
The ladies are asked their initial impressions of our fair Dr. Stork. Jehan tells us he looked like a Greek god (oh, gag me). Tara tells us it was surreal driving up to a castle in a limo, Prince Charming standing there, it felt just like going to Disneyland! Kristen thinks Travis has been the best bachelor yet (best, if you mean ‘most boring’, perhaps).
In a break with tradition, Chris calls Susan to join him in the hot seat. Aren’t the most recently booted ladies interviewed last? Well, Susan is certainly prepared for the last of her 15 minutes of fame, wearing a pair of jeans with a black see-through shirt. Chris calls her out on her intentions on being a part of the show. We see a clip of Susan telling the ladies while sitting around the kitchen that acting allowed her to be a more outgoing person, we see the clip of Susan’s mother telling Travis she didn’t think Susan should date for a year after breaking her engagement, and we see the worst audition in the history of the theatrical arts, when Susan “breaks down” in the limo ride after having not received a rose. She assures us she was being real, had every intention of being open to the idea of love and she was absolutely falling in love with Travis. (Eye rolling among the other ladies.) That’s the worse thing you can say about her, that she isn’t real. She still has strong feelings for Travis now. But wait, the other ladies have a chance to weigh in on Susan’s feelings for Travis. Jehan shares that the way Susan talked about Travis and the way she talked about her ex-fiancé were completely different. Jennifer was shocked Susan was telling Travis she was falling in love with him when Susan was still talking about getting together with her ex-fiancé if it doesn’t work out. Another woman asks Susan that she didn’t see this as a vehicle to get her where she needed to be, and Susan tells us ‘whatever vehicle that brings me to professional happiness’ is what she wants. (Major eye rolling from the other ladies, and they look ready to strike.)
OK, let’s analyze this a minute. Susan didn’t say ‘whatever brings me personal happiness’. She said ‘professional happiness’. Huh? No way she can redeem herself now. She is confronted about the reasons her former fiancé broke up with her, and a few of the ladies that were sent home the first night try to come to Susan’s defense. It isn’t going to work. Jennifer shuts one woman down by saying ‘don’t tell me what to think, I don’t even know your name’. Chris tries to calm things down by telling everyone that Travis will join them later, and while most of the ladies smile and look thrilled, Susan looks mortified.
After a break, we return to talk with Sarah B. (Oh! Canada), who received the first rose of the season. Sarah is also wearing jeans, knee high boots, a white tank top and some crocheted vest her Grandmother probably made her for Christmas. Hey, these women know they are going to appear on national television. Doesn’t anyone know how to dress up anymore? I mean, it’s one thing to be relaxed and comfortable, another to show a little class. Chris talks about the immediate spark between Sarah and Travis. We get to see their initial meeting, many clips of her ‘happy squeal’, a hilarious clip I don’t remember seeing before of Sarah pushing her oobies together and asking ‘hey, how you doin’?’. Sarah TN reminds us that Canada had one-on-one time with Travis and was so drunk she doesn’t remember. Many ladies tell us she’s too young and immature for Travis, and in her final limo ride Sarah tells us that is b*%^#*t. Yea, that’s mature. Chris asks the ladies to offer examples of Sarah’s immaturity, which they are only too happy to provide.
We are shown clips of Sarah B and Jennifer’s camping trip with Travis. Jennifer doesn’t like bugs, she burnt her marshmallows and the hotdogs. What more could she have done to receive a rose? Chris asks Jennifer why that scene upsets her so, and she tells us she just didn’t understand the chemistry between Sarah and Travis. Sarah tells us what ultimately broke them apart was she couldn’t get it out of her head he was dating other women, and the 10-year age difference, but whatever it was she totally respects his decision. Overall, my opinion of her hasn’t really changed, she’s a sweet girl who, let’s face it, is very young but does seem to have a strong self-image.