Tedious goes off alone in search of a giant target to paint onto his back.
In the IC, Kenny the Kop got routed by a shrimp-sized bankrupt ex-restaurant owner – both physically and mentally. Says a lot about the qualifications needed to become a cop, no? Any hate mail or rebuttals, please send it to Buggy. She’ll take care of it.
Kenny the Kop gets booted and goes off in search of Erin but not before Tedious’s eyebrows get raised in receiving three votes.
On to this week’s show…
Chewy Jay – Day 28:
For a change, we’re treated to a sunrise shot of the beach instead of a sobfest over the bootee immediately after Tribal Council. We see Tedious sulking on the beach all alone straining mightily to try and figure out just why he got the three votes at TC. Don’t sprain your brain, Ted. Not like it had anything to do with the fact there were five of you guys and three of them and the Sook Jais had to vote for somebody? Going off on your own in the canoe without telling the others? Or perhaps, that they saw you as a big IC threat? (scratching head) If you couldn’t figure that one out, then maybe, just maybe, it’s becoming crystal clear why you got three votes – and it’s not because of you being a physical threat.
Tedious executes the first of many exasperated eyerolls – we’ll call it the TED from now on… Ted’s Exasperated eyeroll Demeanor.
Jake the Snake comes over to pat Tedious on the back and feel for any soft spots (never know when he’ll need the knife again) and commiserates about the three votes. Snake informs Tedious that the three SJs asked the Chewies who they should vote for and “they had no idea who to vote for.” TED <ping> I notice Snake left out the part of asking Tedious for his opinion on whom to vote for before TC. Tedious thinks that Snake’s lying and maybe they just don’t like him. TED <ping>
Tedious approaches King Brian and Clay about Snake’s comments and these two think that Jake’s just running scared and is looking for cracks in the armour to exploit. Is that a tear we see in his eyes? King Brian and Clay exchange hand gestures (either that or they were just sniffing their fingers) as they reassure Tedious that Snake’s just off his rocker. TED <ping>. Clay chuckles in confessional that they’re selling Tedious up the river and have no plans to tell him they’re doing so.
Methinks Snake blew it big time. You can’t tell me it wouldn’t have been fun as heck to see Snake serve up Clay and King Brian on a platter to Tedious and then watch the fur fly as Tedious confronts the other two while Snake sits back and work on a new alliance with Helen and Jan.
Meal time at the beach. Tide’s up and a solitary homeless crab (now that Erin’s on the jury) skitters along the beach. Snake reaches into his shorts and pulls out… some snails. Now, do you really want to be eating anything that came from an old man’s shorts that hasn’t been properly laundered for 28 days now? I didn’t think so, either, and it helps explain all these weight-loss spoilers for the CGs.
Cut to a shot of Clay lazing about on the beach and munching on some chicken feed. Clay: “It sure would be nice to have something stocked up for us to win one of these big meals where you sit down and get full. You know what that would do to my energy? I’d climb these cliffs.”
Okay, class, here’s a Survivor 101 editing lesson – what do you think is going to happen next? Go ahead, take a wild guess. Yep, you’ve got it… a RC where the winner gets to enjoy a feast.
At the Reward Challenge, JiffyProbe informs the group that it’s going to be a 4-stage elimination process through an obstacle course and the winner gets to spend a day away from camp on an elephant and enjoy a feast – all paid for on a Visa card. Jiffy evidently learned his lesson as he kept his name and card number covered up as he held the Visa card up. All these Survivor fans calling the 1-800 phone sex lines using your prominently displayed card in S-3 really ran up the bill, huh Jiffy?
As the challenge begins, Snake does his best headless chicken impersonation in getting stuck without a partner and gets eliminated right off the bat. King Brian/Clay and Tedious/Moneypenny make it through the first heat, bouncing Helen/Jan. In the second heat, Tedious grooves a ditch into the sand as he, along with King Brian and Clay qualifies for the third heat during the belly-crawl race and eliminating Moneypenny.
In the third stage, it’s a political/physical heat as Clay gets tossed over the wall and then a farcical scene occurs as both Tedious and King Brian each grab an arm of Clay’s in a tug-of-war attempt to climb up. Imagine the ratings if they decided to do some dwarf tossing or they managed to pull Clay’s arms right out of their sockets, but no, Tedious eventually backed off and pushed King Brian up, thus eliminating himself.
Tedious: “I could have done this by myself!” TED <ping>
So why didn’t you? Just grab Clay and toss him aside or climb up yourself. Actions speak louder than words, buddy.
In the final stage, King Brian strolls his way through to an easy win after Clay fell off while balancing on the bamboo poles. Jiffy informs King Brian that he can take a guest along on the reward, and he picks Clay because, let’s face it, who’s better than Clay to be able to seek out the Thai brothels with the Visa? TED <ping>.
Commercial break. I squeeze in a game of PacMan and make it to the third level. 25,120 points.
Chewy Jay – Day 29:
Tedious sulks again. His act is, shall we say, getting tedious by now. Once again, King Brian works him over to unruffle his feathers. In confessional, King Brian proclaims that he must decide between taking Clay or Tedious to the finals. In Survivor 101, that means we’ll see a different combo than these three in the final two – and Bri, one little problem, you’re not in the final three yet.
A boat comes to pick up King Brian and his court jester, Clay. Clay can barely conceal his excitement at his “date” and announces to the world that he’s “got a hot-looking date and he has a mighty fine ass.” Clay ought to know – you’d need a crowbar to separate his lips from King Brian’s ass. Of course, what Clay doesn’t know yet is that half of the world has already seen King Brian’s ass in such classics as “Virgins of Sherwood Forest.”
In a Thai version of “Planes, Trains and Automobiles,” these two ride in a helicopter, then a van and, finally, board an elephant for a trek through the jungle and seeing some cliffs. Such tedium. A cliff is a cliff, after you’ve seen a couple, you’ve seen them all. The only exciting thing to happen was that Jumbo the elephant farted and throughout the whole elephant ride, Brian held on as if he was riding a bull in a rodeo and had an obsession with making sure the guide stayed within ten feet of the elephant. Oh, and Clay commented that the elephant has a nice ass. I think somebody needs to get laid… pronto.
Cut to the Chewy Jay camp, Snake is working Helen over and proclaims she’ll win the whole thing if she dumps the two cats that are away (King Brian and Clay), plus he stirs the pot further by claiming that Clay outlined the boot order right down to the final two. We hear from Helen in a confessional that she was warned by King Brian to watch out for Snake. Cue the ominous music.
After the elephant ride, King Brian and Clay sits down to enjoy their royal feast and they eat, drink, make love and pass out. Clay stuffs two canteens with leftover shrimp soup and beer in the names of selling his soul to the other tribemates back at camp.
Back at camp, the lost sheep flock to their masters as King Brian and Clay arrive at the beach. King Brian and Clay sing the “Here Comes Santa Claus” song and offer up the shrimp soup and beer as a blessing to the lowly masses. The TED is working overtime <pingpingping> as Tedious stays behind on the beach while everyone else goes up to greet the masters. Clay’s dream come true as Moneypenny manages to hold down the vomit building inside herself to give Clay a kiss on the cheek and Tedious gives him a thundering slap on the ass (there’s that “ass” word again in relation to Clay).
Lush Granny quickly wrests control of the beer canteen and gives what’s sure to be the quote of the year: “OMG <click>, I need a nipple on top of this.” Sounds like Lush Granny’s got a few Freudian issues to resolve with her family when she gets back home. I think I even saw her shed a tear when Moneypenny took a sip from the canteen.
Chewy Jay – Day 30:
With the IC looming, Moneypenny and Snake discuss the various alliances going on. Moneypenny just nods and listen to Snake’s ramblings while thinking in her head (and telling us in confessional) that she’s breaking away from Snake – something about distancing herself away from a train wreck waiting to happen.
Clay works his sure-fire, can’t-fail pick-up line on Moneypenny (“I promise I’ll take you to the final four!”) in yet another sad, desperate attempt to fit in with the cool kids. Then he and Tedious laugh about pulling the rug out from underneath Moneypenny and bitch about Snake’s tactics. Moneypenny says that they’ll boot Snake first before her and she just hopes that Snake won’t win immunity. Uh oh, not looking good all of a sudden.
Immunity went to the person who could best answer questions about Thailand using a cube and snuff out torches belonging to others. On the very first question, Moneypenny set the tone for things by snuffing one of Snake’s torches. Way to distance yourself from the one person in the whole camp who’s on your team… besides Clay who’s still thinking about that kiss you gave him.
King Brian Soprano sent Lush Granny over to ice Moneypenny with a flicker of his eyes. Off with her head!
When they were down to three people, Helen elected to boot Lush Granny over Tedious – no doubt because she’s still got Lush Granny’s request for a nipple in the back of her mind. That, and she also wanted to spare all of us from hearing the ping of the TED once again. Wouldn’t want to give Granny any funny ideas if she kept her around for the final question, you know.
The order of elimination: Moneypenny, Clay, Snake, King Brian, Lush Granny and Tedious, leaving Helen as the immunity winner.
Helen puts on the dog collar/protector necklace – is it just a coincidence that the two winners of the IC necklace thus far (Clay and Helen) have been the ones who are the least huggable in the camp? All the better to keep the masses away and keep from licking themselves.
During the commercial break, I go and make some scrambled eggs. I keep breaking all of the eggs in the Amazing Dare-Dozen Egg game and so far, I haven’t been able to get past the 400 point level.
Back to the show. Snake’s all huffin’ and puffin’ about Moneypenny’s snuffing of his torch in the IC. Gee, Snake, you didn’t pick up on the fact that Moneypenny has been almost completely avoiding you in camp the past few days or that she didn’t even pick her own original tribemate to partner up with in the reward challenge?
The same old yadda yadda yadda… JiffyProbe pushes some buttons by asking about deception, and the same old denials. You notice, of course, that any time Jiffy starts focussing on a certain contestant or two with these questions about deception, their own deception is brought out into the open as they lie through their teeths. Moneypenny said that lying in the game is fine depending on how and when it’s done – as long as people are honest to her. Lush Granny’s worried about all the whispers behind her back about her drinking and her desire for a nipple. TED <ping>. Snake gets on his soapbox and preaches about voting on how a person performs, practically daring the CG Five to diss him.
The Vote: Moneypenny is booted out with 4 votes. Snake gets a couple of votes from Clay and Moneypenny, while Snake votes for Lush Granny.
Moneypenny’s Final Words: “It was a nice compliment to be seen as a threat. I am very proud of myself.” Somebody give her a dose of reality! Unless she defines being a backstabber, turncoat and manipulator as a major ‘threat’.