Previously on Survivor a lot was promised and very little delivered. The "great divide" was apparently about hut sleepers vs. sand sleepers and not about the distance between brain cells in Gonedia’s head. Tanya the Sweetheart blew a kiss and went to get herself a hot bath and a decent meal . Tanya fans, be sure to tune in for the Half-Time Recrap, when we’ll see all the really wonderful footage MB didn’t show while she was there.
Night 6 falls. The moon is half-out, half-hidden behind clouds. This bodes. Trust me, it bodes. Worker ants are scurrying. At Choo Choo Gone, Clay is blathering "Now, thar hev bin 2 immunity challenges and 2 reward challenges. No, wait, thet wuz one reward challenge and 3 immunity challenges. No wait -- waal, innyhow, the tribe, we a family, see, and we clicked right away."
We see the last pleasant moment we’re likely to see between Goondia and Ted. They’re sitting companionably next to one another by the campfire. He asks her if those are her real colour eyes. Yes they are. Ted doesn’t see many crap-coloured eyes, I guess.
Then Groandia has a DR (it’s the shorthand for DiaryRoom, the term they use for confessional in Big Brother. “Confessional” is just such a long word. We need to save time & space in these recaps and this is part of the new program.)
Groandia DRs about how wonderful Ted is, how huggable, and how much he reminds her of her husband. We'll find out just HOW much they mistake each other for their spouses in a jiff! Savor this moment, cuz I reckon this is IT. No more Mademoiselle Petit Pois. From now on every Gonnorhedia DR is likely to be a spew-a-thon of horrible hateful harangues.
Gonnadiet is a legal secretary. She has requested a motion be heard to admit the damning Evidence. "Ladies and gentlemen of the Jury, the evidence will show that on the Night In Question, Ted did put an arm around the Plaintiff, Ghandia."
Court is adjourned to look in on the Sheik Jive hive. Stephanie is still stupidly sleeping by the fire, but I think she just misses her job.
This week's side show attraction at Sheik Jive is physical ickiness. The Sheik himself, Jake, reveals his blistered feet. It's his new approach to wooing women. Some women are really into picking zits and pulling scabs, as the BB3 viewers among us know. Maybe Jake will pull one of the gals with his ugly plodders. What the hell has he been doing anyway? We only seem to see him lazing around testing bamboo bedding.
Shii Ann gets a DR to say what terrible campers and horrible outdoorsmen they all are. She asks us to look at how Ally McBeal she is getting. (Haha MB’s gettin' real creative with his approaches to sponsorship. Now he's scripting in cute off-the-cuff allusions to other tv shows for players to utter. And hahaha - lookit me wit mah Texas accint - all dem pliers are talkin with dere Texas accints - it's startin' to git t' me. But not all the time, jus' sometimes.)
Penny and Jed speak about how useless they are with the fishing net. Jed & Stephanie work the net and catch one teeny tiny fish. Good thing Jed has a Jesus Obsession - do ya'll think he can multiply that one fish and feed his flock? Nope. Everyone gets a fingernail's of it. Robb yaks about how useless he is generally.
Back to Atchoo Gone. Court is ready to reconvene. It's just like an episode of Judge Joe Brown. Let's listen in...
Gonadseeah DRs about being tired cuz she didn’t sleep and she’s depressed and feeling used. She lays out her grievances, first adjusting her facial expression to look, a picture-perfect Victim all weak & helpless. "We were spooning. He pulled me closer. He started to become sexual. He was grinding into me, trying to engage me. You don't do Ghandia that way."
Oh? What way do you do you, G-dog? Do you have some literature on that which you could give interested passersby?
Gonnadiet takes Ted aside for a pre-trial conference. He says he wanted to speak to her later in the day, but uh, er, ah yeah, time uh, huh. He says he wasn't fully awake, he was thinking she was his wife, he was kind of dreaming, he thought she was a pillow, he was sure it was himself he was touching - the list of excuses makes me want to riff like John Belushi in The Blues Brothers - IT WASN'T HIS FAULT. Anyhooo, Ted apologises profusely if he offended her and immediately suggests that they not sleep cuddled up together from now on so that there is no chance it could happen in future.
But Gonedia hasn’t gotten her full point across yet. She isn’t ready to settle. She wants more time in the spotlight. She says she just feels such trash today (so she should, says AMAI, so she should - she's been guilty of hands on thighs, arms, kissing, spooning, cuddling & so on and so forth. where were HER thoughts of the fact they're both married? - why is she bitching about him respecting her?)
He says "I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart." She says she was so glad he apologised cuz she thought he was going to pretend it didn’t happen. But now she has worked herself up to the point where she can start crying. She tells him that maybe she brings it on herself, it’s happened before and before we know it, she’s telling him about this one time she was raped and she felt like it was all happening again.
Rape is horrible. I do not want to make light of whatever experience she endured before.
But Ted has explained what happened. We the audience have witnessed the relationship develop between them. I personally hate Goondia and don't believe her - there is something weird in the way she's handling herself - like she's forcing it. It's crap. She has certainly sent plenty of love signals to him. Why isn't she taking some responsibility for having given him some kind of subconscious permission? He did not force her to have sex. He apologized for what did occur and I buy his explanation. His genuine pain at having stepped over the line is palpable - or maybe that's just his genuine pain at not getting some nookie. Whatever. He is very sorry.
But GrownIdiot hasn’t had enough attention. She must continue until Ted feels like total scum or is crying & begging for forgiveness. She has taken full advantage of his sweet nature by crying about how bad she felt for screwing up the first IC which she insisted she would be a whizz at. Now after sleeping together night after night a little bit of a woody and she goes berserk! WTF!??? She's trying to make out like something extremely ugly happened by saying it felt like rape to her. She is saying that a relatively innocent situation that was going a little bit over the line is for her the same as a brutal act of violence forced upon her regardless of her protestations and pleas to stop.
I don't even buy it. I honestly don't.
I am losing sympathy. Something is not adding up here. Those tears seem forced. I get the gut feeling she is trying to work Ted over, to blackmail him emotionally. I am not buying her story, but are you? Hey speak up if you think I’m way out of line here, readers.
In any event, Ted is profoundly sorry. He never intended to hurt her feelings or cause her grief. He says it over and over, and asks if she can forgive him. She says she does and that he’s a good man. They hug and return to the group area. So she finally got that begging for forgiveness, so that's one little box with a check mark in Groandi's Big Book of Revenge on Ted.
But the viewers think it's all over. Hooray! A successful pre-trial conference! Case settled out of court. We can all move on.
Ted has a DR moment to say that they’re still a family, and he hopes he and Ghandia can get past this situation. For now a bandaid has been put on the sitution that could affect life outside of the game. ChewingAwn are doing their morning limbering exercises. And now it’s time for the Reward Challenge.
Jiff the Probester tells a short story about pirates as a segue into the RC, but it falls a little flat, seems wooden & forced and like, who cares?
The rules of the challenge: Only 2 tribe members are allowed on the naarrow bamboo course at a time. For the Robbs out there, that’s a total of 4 players. Take one item at a time from the designated "other tribe's boat" on the far side of the course and scurry back with it to your tribe's boat. First team to get 10 items, wins Reward. There is a spot on the walkways where opposing tribe members can physically engage each other to try to knock them into the water. It is clearly marked in Black & Gold and is called the Attack Zone.
A player who falls in the water must return to the start. If an item falls or is dropped in the water, that item can’t count toward the final 10 for either tribe. If an attack occurs when either player is not inside the Attack Zone, the attacking player is disqualified from the challenge and an item will be taken from the attacker’s boat and placed in the other tribe's boat.
"Wanna know what you're playing for?" Jiff asks this question every RC. One time I'd like to hear some smartass say, "No Jiff, we don't want to know. We'd rather lose and live in ignorance not having a clue what we gave away to the other team, than hear now what riches we could have if we were smart enough, strong enough, and the cameraman likes us."
The Reward is a 24 hour visit from two Thai Special Forces Red Berets soldiers. They will help the winning tribe with shelter, boat repair and sourcing every bit of food on the island.
Here are my notes for the RC: "Jake and Erin sit out, Steph gets one, CG wins Reward."
What a fizzle, eh?
So I needed to rewatch the tape. Ted fell in without being pushed. Clay fell in holding an item, also without being pushed. Sookie got a hefty early lead. Then the first Attack Zone confrontations - Ted stops Robb, Ken stops Brian. No fouls. It’s 8 items for Sook and 4 for Chew. Then Ken is out of the game for attacking when not in the Zone. Kind of stupid when his tribe only needed 2 more items to win.
Jiff says, “Don’t get too cute - be sure you’re in the Attack Zone.” Then Robb strangles Clay, and gets DQd for not being in the Attack Zone. Now it’s 6 to 6. Steph gets DQd for trying to bring someone down while she was in the water. Hey, she was NEXT to the Attack Zone, Jiff.
Jed gets DQd next for attacking when not in the Zone. Jiff says, “C’mon guys I’m like a broken record. You have to be in the Attack Zone.” HAHA Jiff it’s true. You say the same crappy lines over and over and over, series in, series out.
Then Groandia barks. What a dog. :lol Great foreshadowing! Only Erin and Shii Ann are still in it for Sookie. ChewAway wins their first challenge! Ghandia is shown giving a kiss to Clay and then to Ted. It really looks like all the morning’s troubles are behind us.
After the loss, Sheik Jive is back at their hive. Robb is full tilt whining about everything in general and Clay in particular. He does his impression of the “whiny little punk” calling him a “backwoods hick.” It’s quite hilarious, except that it’s so pot/kettle. And he's playing to a crowd of other Texans. Haha. Robb, in a word, is bitter. Oh, and ‘disappointed’ - Robb in two words is bitter, disappointed and an idiot.
Shii Ann comments. “Robb, idiot that he is, is talking so much...there is no way a logical thought goes through his brain cuz his mouth is always flapping." :lol I’m rolling! No wonder my notes sucked.
Partay! Back at Team Choo Choo Gone, the Red Berets are here! Sure, they speak less English than a big-city cab driver, but they are fluent in hand gestures. Touch leaf, make hand to mouth action, say “Good”. Touch leaf, say “Soup.” What more do you need? Helen speaks fluent Red Beret, and translates for the group. “These leaves can go in a soup. These leaves you can just eat. These are edible critters.”
The RedBerets show them how to hack up bamboo to make spoons, bowls, tables, chairs, dusting mops, clothing, cooking pots. Helen gets to be funny talking about how there is no end to the things they can make with their knives and bamboo :lol Helen is so cute.
The RBs cook up a wicked Thai meal, complete with hot chilis and other yummables. The Chewies would have thought the RBs brought stuff in their pockets, except they saw with their own eyes how all the ingredients came from their little corner of the island. Brian looks like it’s too spicy for him, but he’ll choke it down. “Not bad, good, not bad, very good.” Brian, which is it? Brian gets a further moment to DR about how the tribe has been genuine, and as long as they’re genuine it’s all good. As soon as the “genuinity” goes away, it’s not gonna be good. :lol - the genuinity - oh :lol Helen says if the Red Berets say it's edible, they'll eat it :lol Kleenex here, these Chewies are so funny.
Oh my heck - would you look at that? We’ve just enjoyed five whole minutes without having to look at the Grownidiota moaning, whining, complaining or bitching. Must be time for more Groandia brand “Me” time. Here she is to voice over about how she has had a whole day to think about Ted’s apology and she’s decided the case is NOT closed, she still has issues cuz she’s decided his apology was disingenuos.
I mean, why should the Red Berets have all the attention? :rolleyes
She has decided that everyone needs to know what happened. She will see to it that Ted the Horny Toad gets his goose cooked good. The whole nasty story must be told to everyone and we see her telling Jan & Helen all about her excrutiatingly dreadful ordeal. Everyone needs to know that Ted’s a prick. Or that Ted has a prick? WhatEVER.
Looking shifty-eyed, Grown Idiot DRs that everything she told Helen & Jan was the truth. Then comes the eye-opener: Gonnadiet says that she may have omitted to mention to the gals that Ted had already apologized profusely. She just didn't tell the gals "the whole truth."
After that riveting development, it’s time for a break. Let’s go over to Sheik Jive, the sleepiest tribe ever. Here’s one of them waking up now. It’s Jed! He notices that the entire tribe has been sleeping, and immediately thinks of the fishing net. He and Robb go look for it. Jed DRs that he had delegated the fishing net watching to someone else (no names mentioned, but post-episode we are informed that the true lazy-asses were Penny & Jake). Robb says that they lost the net. So what is the story, Jed - did you lose it or did Jake & Penny lose it?
While Jedd & Robb search for the lost net, the camera angle changes to eagle’s eye view to show us where the net had drifted to. All they had to do was swim out a bit further or take the fishing boat out and there they would have found it. Probably full of fish, too! :lol
But too much effort. So Jake informs the Erin, Penny & Shii Ann of the loss. Penny looks like she knows already. Erin is in a daze and Shii Ann gets to rant in a DR about Jed’s laziness.
The net will probably wash up on shore over at Chuay :lol so that they can enjoy another fabulous breakfast. Wanna bet?
Back to Choo Choo Gone. The Reward is still underway. Or had you forgotten - are you all caught up in the Gonediablo Chronicles? Yeah, we’re in the middle of a freakin’ Reward here - the first Reward this tribe has won. And instead of focusing on the Red Berets, who are now showing how to repair holes in the fishing boat by stuffing some substance or another into the cracks, we’re wondering what’s gonna happen with Gonemadia.
Helen speaks about “playing the game” as in playing the psychological part of Survivor. She says she just started today. Cue scene of Helen approaching Brian to advise him of Gonemadia’s revelations. She tells him that the three gals are planning to boot Ted next TC. Brian says it’s highly depressing. He wants a day to digest this, and he walks off to go have a man-to-man with Ted.
Brian has a DR about his game strategy. Most important skill is listening. Note that is not the same skill as accurately reporting to others what you’ve heard. Brian says he is being a cool character - he is Cool Hand Luking it. I love your genuinity, Bri.
Brian talks with Ted. Ted says it’s a long story. Brian says, “nothing happened, right?” Ted says a mistake happened and it’s been rectified. Brian keeps asking “nothing really happened, right?” I guess he is asking in GuySpeak.
Apparently “Nothing REALLY Happened” in GuySpeak means “I didn’t get a hand job, a blow job. I didn’t cum - all I got is a sore little Ted.” Once Brian has made Ted agree that by GuySpeak standards “nothing happened” back goes Brian to report to Helen.
Brian says he was "surprised" that Helen ran over right away to ghandia. Oh yeah, big shock. :rolleyes .
Helen adds some embellishment of her own in her chat with Goondia - “he says you’re imagining things.” Goondia looks ready to kill - hey Pastor John was SO right - she does have a Killer Smile.
Goondia is throwing rocks in a berserk way. She screams per preview. Everyone can hear her and we’re shown reaction shots. Clay says she’s acting like a two-year old and needs her bottom spanked!
All the while, the Red Berets are chopping, carving, fashioning, working. Those Red Berets must be wondering what the f*ck is wrong with this tribe. The ChewGoonies are busy deciding who is telling the truth, Grown Idiot or Horny Toad. Everyone is thoroughly distracted from absorbing the Red Beret lesson plan.
Isn’t it obvious that Goondi is an attention HOG? One lousy day. Grown Idiot couldn’t hold her lousy tongue for one lousy day. Ted's probably gotten a lot closer night after night, but Goondia waits until the day of the Reward to make an issue of it. Prattle prattle prattle. Me me me. Look at me everyone - Ted came on to me. Flay him!
Gonemadia re-approaches Ted to say that Helen said Brian said you said nothing happened. Ted says, let’s call a meeting. She wants to have the meeting right now - natch, those Red Berets haven’t left yet.
Court reconvenes, this time with a jury. The evidence is presented. Ted explains to the group the same thing he explained to her. Gonemadia is losing ground, so she introduces new evidence - asking doesn’t he remember kissing and biting her shoulder and caressing her hair. Oh yeah, these are major f*cking crimes, somebody needs to string Ted from the highest tree. She whines that she just wants him to be honest.
oh please oh god if this weren’t so sickening I would be laughing my head off.
Toad says why didn’t you say something before? You thanked me for my apology. If you felt there was something wrong, why didn’t you speak up earlier? Then Toad says he doesn’t need to “get with her” he is 150 to 200% in love with his wife. And his kid. That’s where his love is. And get This! He isn’t even attracted to her. Gonemadia shakes her sorry head. She plays with the dirt making a neat little pile and refusing to look anyone in the eye. Clay says, “Let’s go fishing”. Brian declares a new day.
Time to say goodbye to the Red Berets. F*ck. We missed so much of what they were doing, cuz we were watching Gonemadia go insane. That waste of space is sitting looking totally pissed while the others thank the RBs for their time.
Back at Sheik Jive the hive is buzzing. Tree Mail is here, and yet another wonderful poem. Erin gets to tell us they would be happy to lose the IC, cuz there are some folks they are hoping to get rid of. Camera pans over Robb, Stephanie, Jedd. Whoever could she mean??? :rolleyes
The IC is called Temple Transfer. It is a puzzle that probably took at lesat a half hour to complete. Puzzle pieces had to be moved by the whole group piece by piece from one platform to another. No larger piece may sit on a smaller, and only move one piece at a time. It’s one of those Thaimewasters that is supposed to be philosophical in Thailand.
Ken & Penny take a turn sitting out. We watch a tiny portion of the puzzle solving. It’s very boring. Sheik Jive looks kind of lost, cuz Jed is the only one trying. Shii Ann looks like a lump on a log, isn’t she supposed to be smart? ChewAwn wins, there is some rejoicing. We have to look at Gonnadiet saying “We worked together.” Ugh go away you loathesome turd. Go far away.
Then Shii Ann drops a bomb. She DRs that she could have solved this puzzle in her sleep. So could have Jake. But they chose not to.
Back at the Sheik Hive, Robb is talking up a storm about voting out Shii Ann, who he says hasn’t fit in since Day 1. Ken appears to listen intently. Then Ken intently tells Robb about Jeb being lazy. Ken says others are lazy, but Jeb is lazy and hurting us. WTF?
Erin says they’re having enough problems with nature, the elements, food & water. They need harmony among themselves. Haha - like getting rid of Jed is gonna do that?
At Tribal Council, Jiff gets to give his old Fire is Life speech again, cuz these nutbars haven’t heard it yet. Most of the Sheik Jive Harem are happy to be at TC, cuz it gives them a chance to remove the thorn in their side. Shii Ann gets to talk about lack of food and shelter. Jed says he wasn’t expecting to be handed food. Robb was and he says his role is to be happy go lucky and just try to help out generally. I thought you had to be over 18 to be on this show - since when are 12 year olds allowed on? Steph says they need a lot of calories and everyone is grumpy. She's sure it's gonna get bad. She is cute.
Jake is asked how hard it will be to boot someone, since “he picked the tribe himself.” Jiffy's question reveals what he did with his summer. He took notes whle watching Julie Chen do her stuff.
We get to see Ken speak about why he’s voting for Jed as well as Robb’s dumbass comments about why he’s voting for Shii-Ann. When the votes are read, we see all of them, even though the score is 5 to 3 in favour of ousting Jed. In the end, the Sand Sleepers, Stephh Jedd & Robb, all vote to evict Shii Ann, while the Sheik's Harem vote to evict Jed. Nary a vote for Robb, but his day will come.
Next time, the tribes get new Dummies to keep the human Dummies company. Chewy are ripped apart by more Toad in the Hole crap. It doesn’t look exciting, which probably means it will be a really great ep.