Previously on Last Comic Standing… 10 little comics checked into the house…Bonnie started to whine, and then there were nine. 9 little comics rode on a bus…Todd did nothing but irritate, and then there were eight. 8 little comics went to a roast…Ant’s departure was heaven, and then there were seven. 7 little comics acted like clowns…Jay was thrown out of the mix, and then there were six. Now 6 little comics will soon become 5, and the losers are back in a twist so contrived.
Alright, enough bad poetry. Gary returns from the showdown where he bested house fave JayLo, winning for the second consecutive week. Everyone, including the ones who nominated him, are happy to see him. (Could these people be any phonier?) Corey is proud of Gary, telling him that winning twice is huge, just like his waist size. Gary says it wasn’t any fun beating Jay, not that he didn’t hop right the hell on that rickety school bus back to the pimp castle. Tammy retorts by saying, “but it was fun beating Ant, right?” “Hell, yeah,” Gary and 90% of the home audience say simultaneously.
But just when it was about to get interesting, Jay Mohr shows up to tell the comics that The Peacock has been pressuring LCS to meet its twist quota. So he marches out 3 Speedo-clad chuckleheads from Average Joe long enough to let Corey get off 2 or 3 more homophobic blasts. He then says, psyche, Average Joe is the next castle over, HAR-DEE-HAR-HAR, and sends them on their way, getting a nice ass-grab on the last guy out. As for the real “surprise”…
Enter the losers. Who didn’t see this coming? Really? The comics act shocked, and probably they are. I mean we’re not talking about the most analytical lot, here. Ant goes from Zero to Raging Queen in about 3.2 seconds after Jay tells them that they will have a hand in the next Showdown vote. He says, well I know someone who voted for me after they swore they wouldn’t who’s in BIG trouble, and exits. No one misses him. John, however, is rattled by this turn. He knows that Ant is referring to him, not that he needed to guess. He all but pulls out a megaphone to announce how John did him wrong. As if A) he wasn’t a conniving little hobgoblin while in the house, and B) anyone cares at this point what he thinks.
Amidst all the acrimony from the returning looo-zers, Gary is so excited to see his long-lost buddy Todd, that he immediately begins to hump his leg. Kathleen makes an apt comparison to her relationship with Rusty, although I’m hoping it’s much more platonic.
Outside the pimp castle, a visibly upset John throws the Travelocity gnome into the moat, mistaking it for Ant. While, as we head for commercial, Jay tells them to expect another twist. Watching at home, I expect to be completely unmoved by this revelation.
Back from commercial, the looo-zers are in the kitchen eating their weight in Count Chocula, having subsisted on the Comedian Diet (Ramen and Kool-Aid) in their time away from the house. Ant tells us that they are the lucky ones, since they don’t have to do any more challenges. I find myself wondering where it all started to unravel for Ant, because he’s seriously 2 days away from being that shopping cart guy who mutters all day about how he’s free of society’s shackles. That’s how loose his grip on reality is.
The Fortune Teller spits forth the following: “But does it play in Peoria?” Fortunately, Jay doesn’t give the comics much time to ruminate on this, for fear their tiny brains will implode, by telling them that they will be required to give a pitch about a sit-com starring themselves to a focus group. “Focus Group”, of course, meaning “group of clueless idiots who can’t get a job at the Wendy’s drive-through, and thus spend their whole day watching pirated cable”. The Focus Group will pick the winner, who will get immunity for the upcoming Showdown. Cut to both John and Corey talking about how this is the biggest challenge yet, as it guarantees a spot in the finals. This, of course, means that neither will win the contest, both will be in the Showdown, and one will go home. That is how transparent the editing is on this horrendous Emmy-nominated show. Next, Gary tells us that after his experience where he got raked over the coals by 2 has-beens in the industry, there is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, anyone could say that would upset him. The foreshadowing in this show has gone from transparent to farcical.