For Love Or Money 4 - Episode 2 Summary

'Going Once, Going Twice, Gone' By Mon Cherie

This week’s episode begins with Mike ($250,000) and Josh ($500,000) revealing how much their checks are worth to each other. This would be nothing more than a pissing match if it weren’t foreshadowing for the episode’s first event: an auction for a dream date with Rachel, using the money from their checks. Bidding starts at $25,000 dollars. Too bad, you guys with the dollar checks. Don’t lose hope, there’s a lady named Bunny in my neighborhood who will love you for a long time for a dollar. And some crack, or Krispy Kremes, same thing. Our loverly host tells the men that on this date, they will present Rachel with a $500,000 dollar diamond necklace. How wonderful to throw diamonds at swine.

The auction begins. With the dollar store gang ineligible for the auction, Josh and Chris start the battle, with Chris almost winning until Mikey bids $150,000. Mikey starts to feel confident, until Alex outbids him. Mike’s not going down so fast. He bids $200,000. Josh bids $225,000. Mikey looks at Josh. Et tu, Josh? Mike bids his entire check. Will Josh out bid him? The suspense is killing me. Until I realize that these guys are bidding enormous amounts of cash for a date with… Rachel. Yeah, I understand all about strategy and what-not, but now I’m scared. Somebody hold me. I’m actually thankful for the commercial break.

The suspense is over- Josh bids $275,000 and Mike is out. Mike says if he had a million dollar check he would bet the whole thing. I would bet a million that he has several restraining orders against him. The guy is creepy and obsessed. Now, this is entertainment!

The next super exciting event is a group date with Mike, Alex, Chris, and Rachel’s flat hair. They play volleyball at the beach, as Rachel tries to make each one feel special so she can be rich, rich in love of course (weak!). Rachel has some one on one time with Alex, both of them trying to act genuine is like watching Courtney Love trying to act like she’s sane. Then it’s Mike’s turn, as he and Rachel attempt to delve into the kiddie pools of each other’s psyche. So Chris gets no alone time either? He probably put the cameramen to sleep.

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Back at the house after the date, Mike tries to cool off in the hot tub. He calls Josh a ##### cause he knew how much money they each had, and by golly Josh should have given up his strategy and let Mikey win. At this point Mike is reminding me of a real-life version of Bryce’s stalker act on Joe Schmo. Whiny crybaby who will stick you with a lawn dart to get what he wants. Josh tries to play off that he doesn’t remember how much money Mike had, too bad he doesn’t get the flashback to the episode’s opening scene like we do.

I have never been so happy for commercials. I’m not even fast-forwarding my tape. I’m considering pause or stop to drink some shots cause I am bored as shizznit.

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