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Mad Mad House - Episode 6 Summary

'Fasten Your Psychic Seatbelts' By I_AM_HE
Original Airdate: March 8, 2004

Previously on Mad Mad House:

Dude hangs in living room.
Rainbow makes Alts happy.
Everyone hates Nichole.
Loana wins immunity.
Tim goes bye-bye.
Five little monkeys are left.

(What? I can’t go free verse this time?)

We Hate You, Redux

After Tim’s elimination, Nichole wonders what Don meant by a ‘psychological cat fight.’ Loana deduces that it must have meant her feeling that Nichole wasn’t genuine. Noel says that when she was in the kitchen with Avocado and he and Eric came in, she wouldn’t shift her attention to them. Now we see the problem, she has been spending too much time with her lips locked on the Alts’ collective a$$ and not enough on Noel and Eric’s! I mean it’s not like her mouth’s not big enough to provide ample coverage to them all, right? Loana says the way Nichole is talking is so shallow that she doesn’t even need floaties to have a conversation with her.

Eric confesses that in a perfect world Nichole would have left in the last Elimination Ceremony and not Tim, proving that his idea of a perfect world is as far out of the mainstream as the Alts’ lifestyles.

To her face he tells her that she puts herself on a pedestal above everybody else and that being an actress/singer who was in a beauty pageant she definitely fits the demographics of a reality show contestant and that she’s just treating it as a beauty pageant. Nichole says she’s sorry he feels that way and that she doesn’t feel like she’s been mean to him at all. He says various Alts have brought it up and they’ve brought it up and there’s a pattern here, not just him. Nichole says she doesn’t think Eric wants to get to know her and that she got to know Jamie really well today. Eric asks her, “It took you ten days to finally have a conversation with somebody that was meaningful? But when it comes to the Alts, it’s like this: <blabbermouth finger motions> everything’s meaningful!” Ziiing! Eric 1, Nichole 0!

Eric confesses that he wants to kick Nichole while she’s down, spit in her eyes and rub her face in the dirt. She has a pulse right now, and it’s time to slit some throats to put an end to that.

Eric: I feel like you have it planned; when you’re happy you have this story to say <moving hand as if in a puppet’s mouth>, when you’re sad you have this story to say <same puppet mouth> (dammit Eric, stop making hand motions, don’t you know how hard this is on summary writers?!?)
Nichole: That’s fine, you can think whatever you want.
Eric: Everything’s fine. Ziiing! Eric 2, Nichole 0!
Nichole: What am I going to do, Eric? Pull my hair out because you guys have a different opinion of you than I do of myself?

Good thing nobody asked her what her opinion of herself was since the Alts weren’t there to tell her! Speaking of the Alts, here they come, right into the middle of the storm. Ta’Shia says, “That sounded like an interesting conversation. Don’t stop on my account!” She sits down as the other Alts come in behind her and asks them to share where they are right now and how they’re feeling. Eric says there was a lot going on before they came in, and he’s not sure if they were able to sweep the carpet clean or not. Well of course not Eric, because you keep piling sh!t on it!

Nichole: Basically we were talking about how they didn’t feel like they really knew me and that I didn’t really know them.
Eric: I feel like she doesn’t really want to get to know us, or actually she said she didn’t have the time to get to know us, and all we’ve had here is time. Ziiiing! Eric 3, Nichole 0!
Fiona: Do you want to know them?
Nichole: I do!
Fiona: Why? (uhoh)

Nichole fumbles around for a bit and finally says we all have deeper parts of our personalities that make us intriguing and make up who we are. Fiona says that she didn’t answer the damn question and repeats “Why do you want to know them?” Nichole flails again for an answer other than ‘because that’s what you want me to do’, trying out “Why wouldn’t I?”, repeating the question “Why do I want to know them?” to stall for time, and finally says that maybe she could learn something from them. Loana smirks, confident in Nichole’s inability to learn anything. Fiona, not about to let up with blood in the water, asks her what she thinks she’s lacking that she needs to learn about. Nichole repeats “What am I lacking?” trying to come up with something other than the obvious ‘nothing, I am the perfect Queen of the Universe’ and says maybe being caught up in herself a little bit too much.

Fiona confesses that she’s still not convinced that Nichole’s being sincere, and is testing her to see what she’s made of and if she’s worthy of the prize they’re offering. I guess it is no surprise that Fiona hasn’t been able to tell yet that none of them are worthy.

Ta’Shia breaks the tension and announces that it’s time to select new roommates. She selects Eric. Avocado selects Loana. Don hums a bit and says they already know whom he’s going to pick. No, we don’t! How would we? Whatever the reason, he picks Jamie, who laughs happily. Art winks and tsks at Noel, who rolls his eyes bashfully. Fiona says she enjoyed Noel staying with her so much that she thinks she’s going to pick Nichole. No, the reasoning makes no sense, but consider the source. She confesses that she picked Nichole because she wanted to find out if she was fake. Considering she was the last one left, I guess it was lucky that she got to “pick” her.

Eric says he hopes Nichole digs her own grave while she’s rooming with Fiona, and that if she can win her over, he thinks he’s screwed.

The next morning, Fiona comes out by the pool to sunbathe with a naked Art and Avocado. The latter says Loana told him that the guests really didn’t want Nichole to win because she was the least altruistic and would use the money selfishly. Fiona says that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Avocado agrees and says she can use the money however she wants.

Fiona says if she’s just an L.A. girl and is comfortable and happy with that she doesn’t want to burn her off, but if she’s not comfortable and happy and is trying to hide from that then, as they all agree, someone’s going to walk out with much more than the money. I try to sort through the tortuous reasoning for the Alts’ eliminating Bonnie for growing too much and keeping Nichole if she’s happy being a fake, shallow girl, and fail miserably. I suppose this is just one of those secrets that we uninitiated to the higher realms of enlightenment inhabited by the Alts are just doomed not to understand. Somehow, I survive nonetheless.

If this stimulating philosophical conversation wasn’t your cup of tea, you can watch this chick in a bikini sitting between two naked guys and rubbing herself with suntan oil.

Fiona confesses that they’re down to five guests and it’s a real core group. She says they’re raising the bar higher and higher and higher every time. I have no idea what this had to do with anything, but there it is.

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