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Mad Mad House - Episode 2 Summary

'My Big Fat Obnoxious Virgin Strikes Back' By I_AM_HE
Original Airdate: March 11, 2004

Previously on Mad Mad House:

Ten little TOPs in over their heads,
Doing voodoo and in a pool blood red.
Brent won immunity and so he said,
“No more Hamin jumping on the bed.”

This week, nine little TOPs remain. Who will be voted out tonight?

Returning from the Elimination Ceremony, Brent discusses with the other NOP’s how much it sucked having to break the Alts’ tie and choose between Loana and Hamin, two of his best friends in the house. Of course, he’s got the hots for Loana, so it wasn’t that hard.

Kelly comforts Loana, who is upset because she received two necklaces. Loana confesses that the elimination was a wake-up call for her, because she thought she had been open to the Alts. Except for the not participating in anything bit, you know. She says hopefully now she’ll have more time to learn about them and they’ll get a chance to know her.

Meanwhile, Kelly whispers to Eric that if they get rid of Nichole, she can get more attention. She hates how Nichole’s always taking the damn stage and will never shut her fat mouth. Pot, kettle, black. About the fat mouth, and the never shutting it part. Of course, there’s all kinds of other fat jokes I could make, about how it’s not Nichole’s fault Kelly’s so big that she can’t fit on the stage when someone else is on it, but that would be rude, so I won’t.

MBFOV is drunk and getting in an argument with Nichole about how she’s a b!tch and just keeps talking, and talking, and talking, and talking. Kinda like she is right now. In MBFOV’s defense, Nichole does talk. A lot. Jamie stirs the pot…or the kettle…or whichever Kelly is, by saying she talks a lot too. Kelly is shocked that anyone would say such a thing. Jamie says you can’t live in glass houses, and you can’t judge a book by first impressions. And you can’t make a summary without breaking a few aphorisms, but fortunately, DAWs will always comply.

Eric confesses Kelly’s crazy with a few drinks in her, and if her boyfriend wants to wipe the V off MBFOV, he just needs to get her drunk. Kelly says she doesn’t think it makes her any less of a Christian to get drunk every once in a while, and it doesn’t hurt anyone, and it’s no big deal. If you say so, but I’ve always contended that God invented alcohol for the entertainment of those of us who don’t drink. Case in point: your getting down on all fours, barking, and chasing the dog around.

The Alts enter, and Don announces that it’s time to choose new roommates. Basically, everyone that wasn’t chosen last time will have to spend the night with an Alt this time. Don chooses Noel, who looks uncomfortable. Avocado chooses Jamie, because they both like to get naked. Ta’Shia chooses Tim, Fiona chooses Loana because they have most of the same letters in their names, and Art chooses Bonnie, who gives him a hug and kiss. They all retire to their chambers at Don’s word, but this group apparently wasn’t as entertaining as the first, because we see very little of their interactions and sleeping arrangements.

The next day, Tim goes out to the pool to eat his lunch to find not only Art, but also Avocado, lounging around naked. He asks them if tomorrow they’ll have Don out there with them. Avocado says no one wants to see that, but anyway it would have to be under the full moon, which is still a few days away. Tim says when they get Ta’Shia and Fiona out there naked, he’ll join them.

Later, the NOPs are gathered on the lawn, and Fiona, apparently the only Alt allowed to dress normally, hands them each a pen and scroll on which they are to write something that makes them very angry or scared. That night, they bring their scrolls with them to Fiona’s Wiccan ritual. Wearing a white, feathery, low-cut dress with a pentagram inscribed in an open circle baring her midsection, she intones “I conjure thee circle, so that you may be a boundary between the everyday and the eternal flame.” Oh great, now she’s talking to circles.

“The breath that we share, we call on the element of Air in the East. The molten core of our planet, we call on the element of Fire in the South. The rivers, the lakes, the oceans, we call on the element of Water in the West. The mountains, we call on the element of Earth in the North.”

Fiona tells them that if they are prepared, she wants them to join her in a circle within the circle – an inner circle, if you will. I think she’s been listening to too many of Don’s microcosm/macrocosm spiels. But once they enter the inner circle, they cannot leave. Eric looks like he can’t wait to enter her inner circle. She threatens those who enter the inner circle with a sword, which seems counter productive to me, but who am I to question? Brent and Loana are the only ones that decline to enter.

Fiona instructs the seven remaining to place their scrolls in the basket, and she declares that they have to share with the rest of the class. That’ll teach them to pass notes on her watch. She reads the first scroll, “I’m afraid of everyone making fun of me. I’m afraid of being left alone because the whole world is laughing at me.” She asks who would like to step forward and claim this scroll, which is entirely unnecessary, because even the dog knows its Kelly’s.

MBFOV joins Fiona and explains that she feels this way because she was made fun of as a kid, and is afraid people here don’t like her. Perhaps someone should tell her that going on a reality television show is NOT the way to not have people make fun of you? Maybe its just me. Fiona asks Kelly to release her fear, and she begins to shake, contort her face, and finally lets loose three primal harpy shrieks. Fiona hugs her, throws the scroll in the fire, and says her fear is released. Eric says Kelly is trying to win an Academy Award and just wants attention, and that he feels sorry for her.

The next scroll belongs to Eric, and reads “Being able to stand on my own two feet.” Apparently he feels that telling everyone else to F*** off will somehow solve his problem, so he raises his hands to the sky, flips a double bird, and shouts “F*** off!!!” Fiona is not impressed, and tells him to do it with feeling this time. Eric, in confessional, says that he feels this is all ridiculous. But Fiona won’t proceed until he does it. He gathers himself and lets loose a dozen F-bombs. I bet he feels so much better now.

The next scroll reads, “Hypocrisy, cruelty, child abuse, hatred.” Nichole claims it and explains that her parents are divorced, and while they were trying to work things out, people from her church came and counseled them, and that she hated those people. Trying to save a relationship is certainly an ignoble thing to do, isn’t it? How’s this: I hate you because you spell your name with an H. Oh, look, H stands for Hypocrisy. Now shut up and snivel off camera somewhere. Fiona says she needs to forgive those people, even though we still haven’t discovered what they’ve done that needs forgiveness. Anyway, Nichole oh so graciously does so, and her scroll is burned in the fire as she gets her release.

Noel is next. He fears people discovering a six-inch scar on his stomach that resulted from life-saving surgery on his kidneys as a child. Fiona asks him to show everyone his scar, and wow, it’s a serious scar. His stomach looks more like his back, with a deep vertical scar up the middle. Fiona asks, “Wouldn’t we all agree Noel’s scar is beautiful?” I wouldn’t go that far, but I give him major credit for making himself vulnerable like that. The others do a half-convincing job of saying it is beautiful, and we get a creepy (as always) shot of Don nodding enthusiastically. Seriously, it wouldn’t make me shudder any more if he were licking his lips. Noel’s scroll goes into the fire.

Bonnie and Tim’s scrolls, by some mysterious Wiccan magic, wind up on the cutting room floor, and Fiona next addresses Brent and Loana, telling them that they are trapped by their fear, and if they let fear rule their lives they will miss out on all the wonders the house has to offer them. Oooh, see them tremble in fear! See them miss the wonderful wonders!

Ta’Shia confesses that Brent and Loana have historically (since twice makes history) bowed out of rituals when they get too intense, and that one of them should be eliminated.

Fiona then brings the ritual to a close by singing the names of goddesses (which may be legit, but seemed kinda goofy), and leading the NOPs (I guess the SOPs in this case) to throw their hands in the air and shout “Wheeee!”

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