Anderson Cooper is so dreamy. The other summary writers think I'm paying attention, but I'm really just writing "Mrs. Anderson Cooper" over and over in big loopy letters in my journal. Sigh. I hope Mr. Bebo doesn't find out.
I'll have no problems in this Mole Summary Writers Game. I've already formed an alliance with Femme, and Pagong Rat Eater has already proven his loyalty to me. Jeff Gator and magic_star are easy -- just talk baseball, and they're in line. Maybe we'll even let magic sit at the grownup's table soon. I'm still trying to figure out how to get to dusty and the others, but I'm not worried. Why, I even got survivorscott out of the way before he could figure out my plot to...
What do you mean, pass my journal four people to the left? I need to go to the bathroom and tear some pages out first...uh oh.
Dear New Mole Journal,
While Mr. Bebo is pursuing legal action, I think I'll focus on the show. Don't forget to look for the hidden clue during the show.
Previously on the Mole (actually, less than 2 minutes before this came on, but let's play along, shall we?)...here's the link to the Ep 3 summary:
Dorothy admits in her confessional that she misses her friend Lisa. After all, she promised to sneak her into Cubs games once the game was over if their alliance held. Oh well, there's gonna be a strike anyway.
Rob doesn't like it that the Mole is playing dirty. Boo hoo, Magic Boy. Go pull one of those handkerchiefs out of your sleeve that never ends and cry on the shoulder of someone who really cares. Hate to break it to ya, but I doubt the Mole is suddenly going to walk up to you and say, "Hi, Rob. I'm the Mole. Will you be my friend?" There's a horrible buzzing noise, and it's obvious that Magic Boy is distracted. Hmmm, I thought Survivor was the show where the contestants attracted flies.
Katie confesses that she read Patrick's journal, ha ha. Which was her favorite parts -- the megalomania chapters, or the sexual fantasy chapters?
Patrick says, "I'm still here, and that's all that counts." No Patrick, ratings count...which is why we had to wait nine months to even see this in the first place. Why do I think this guy's favorite country song would be, "Let's talk about me, let's talk about my, let's talk about number one..."
INSTA-POLL! Patrick's comment was: a) Arrogant b) Misdirection because he's the Mole c) A thinly veiled effort at foreshadowing that he's packing his bags for home at the end of this episode. d) a and c
Rob catches the fly. $10,000 is deducted from the pot for animal cruelty. PETA complains about the glorification of cruelty to insects.
Elavia says this is a crazy, surreal experience. You mean you don't normally walk into a closet and talk to a camera while standing under a lightbulb?
Good Morning St. Moritz
The hills are alive, and this show is boring...
Anderson is wearing a dark jacket and pants as he meets the molerons for their first challenge. They are to pick one trusty player and four who just want to hang out. Patrick is immediately instructed to zip up his pants. Al is named Mr. Trusty 2001/2 by the molerons, with Heather, Elavia, Bribs, and Darwin as his hanging minions. Then we're filled in on the details of the dam challenge. They are to repel down the dam wall to a dam question, then they'll repel to the dam ground and do some dam math. They'll give their dam answer to Al.
Bribs bats leadoff. Boing, boing, boing, blue question.
# of molerons were knocked off by Little Jane minus # of molerons knocked up (oops, off) by Little John
After counting on fingers and toes, he decides the answer is blue 4.
Heather is the next dam repellant moleron. Boingy, boingy, boingy, red question.
Day of the month Bribs was born minus day of the month Al was born
Heather: "Check one-two, check...is this thing on? I'll say the answer is red 32, uh, 9."
Elavia boing boings down the dam wall. Because it's, um, dam concave, she, like, can't get her dam footing. Finally she gets tired of swinging around and makes up a dam answer to a dam question she's pretended to read.
For those of you scoring at home, the real question was: # of molerons who jumped off the bridge (and survived, unfortunately) minus # of molerons who hit a bullseye
Elavia to Al: "Yellow 2." Al informs her that she has sunk his battleship.
Darwin is the last dam repellant moleron, and he gets a special dam treat -- he may look at all the dam questions and give Al answers to all of them. Unfortunately, Darwin disproves the theory of evolution by getting his dam finger caught in the dam harness and falling too far dam down to see two of the dam questions. He then radios Al with the answers, "Green 2, Yellow 1".
Al completes a chart and determines that green will advance to the next round. The chart is circulated on the Internet and dissected for a special message on world politics.
Anderson has now zipped up his dark jacket and is calling himself Dieter. After asking Al to pet his monkey, he points out to Al that Darwin and Elavia have given conflicting answers to the yellow question. Which one does Al trust? Since Al doesn't trust Elavia as far as he can throw her, he goes with his bud Darwin on the dam yellow question. We flash to the others standing at the dam ground, speaking highly of Al and wondering which one of them screwed up the dam challenge.
While rigging Al up to look like a dam idiot on national television, Anderson throws a dam wrench into the dam challenge. (Don't worry, Al - only 12 people are watching the show anyway, so it doesn't matter how stupid you look....and you do look stupid.) Anderson offers to read all of the dam questions to Al, so that he can determine his own dam answers and overrule any of their dam answers. Al overrides Bribs on his dam answer, but sticks with Heather and with Darwin's green dam answer. Since this takes a bit of time, the others at the dam bottom show just how much they trust Al and start whining that he's getting a chance at a dam exemption.
Now it's time for Al to walk down the dam wall face-first to the dam treasure chest with the dam combination. In case we viewers didn't remember Al's freak-out during the heart rate monitor challenge, Al reminds us that he doesn't like heights with comments like, "I hope I don't throw up on the way down" and "You'll know I'm ready when I scream like a girl". He then starts talking about that incredible view being the last thing he ever sees and sends his love to his woman. Sissy.
He finally gets down to the dam treasure chest and tries the dam combination. Turns out Heather and Darwin were wrong, so they have nothing to show for the dam challenge. Al is devastated. "I peed my pants on national television for this?" Like I said, only 12 people are watching, so it's OK. Anderson has now shed his jacket and is looking quite sharp in a short-sleeved grey t-shirt as he shows them the dam money in the dam chest and says "Neener neener neener" a few times.