Once again, ABC (“All Bozos Compete”) has decided to subject its viewing audience to the only reality show that doubles as a mystery – well, now that “Murder in a Small Town X” has run, it isn’t the only such show … and it certainly isn’t the best such show … but it was still the first. Big deal. So, now we have the “new, improved” Mole, with 14 contestants instead of 10, making it easier for the producers to fail to develop ANY of them as individuals
Right away, we know that this is supposed to be a serious show because the host, Anderson “Super” Cooper has two last names. He’s a newsman, not a game show host, and we should be impressed. SuperCooper tells us that we’re going to be given hidden clues to the identity of the Mole during the show. Well, if last time is anything to judge by, the clues will be very hidden and very lame, so I’m not going to worry about them here.
When we first meet the contestants, they have been transported to a castle in Switzerland for no apparent reason. There is no attempt by the show to introduce the Mole-aroids individually, so ----- if the show doesn’t think it matters who these losers are, well, neither do I.
Suffice it to say that two of them (Darwin and Lisa-X) are lawyers, although Darwin’s “suave” glasses and mustache make him look more like the missing link. Lisa-X doubles as a vendor at Comiskey Park, which lets you know just how much money an Assistant US Attorney makes. Considering the high class of people that are Chicago White Sox fans, this second job gives her a chance to see many of the lowlifes that she prosecutes up close and personal. She probably needs her own police escort through the park. Bet that helps her sell lots of beer.
Another Mole-aroid, Bill, is a retired rear admiral. I guess the producers were thinking that it worked for Rudy.… Bill is also an MD, though, not a lovable jughead like the Rudeman.
One of the supposed clues from last year regarding Kathryn’s identity as the Mole (hey, if you don’t know that Kathryn was the Mole in the first go-round, how did you ever get so hooked on this show that you’re reading this summary?) was that she was introduced fourth and Mole has four letters. Apparently the producer’s third-grade daughter was making up the clues last time. This time, Bill is introduced fourth. Meanwhile, Patrick is seated fourth from the door and Lisa (who could be Kathryn’s clone – a young, single, female Chicago attorney) is seated seventh (and there are seven letters in T-h-e-M-o-l-e). But I don’t know who was seated twelfth, and there are 12 letters in T-h-e-M-o-l-e-S-u-c-k-s.
Some of the other contestants include Bribs, a ski instructor from Austin, Texas (great skiing there, I’m sure), Elavia (what kind of a name is Elavia? It’s even less coherent than Bribs, fercryinoutloud!), Rob, a “magician/videographer” (two jobs that nobody can make a living at, even doing them together, so he must be here for the bucks – the friggin’ Mole isn’t going to be an irresponsible “bleach boy”), Patrick, the city manager of Plainsboro, NJ (note to businesses in Plainsboro: relocate while you still can!), Heather, another Texan who is the beauty of the bunch, and a bunch of other people who just can be lumped together into “generic contestant type B”: media whore.
The idea of this show is that each contestant must try to figure out who is the Mole while trying to deceive the others about who the Mole is. The Mole is supposed to sabotage the group’s attempt to win money … yet, in the first show, Kathryn was one of the best players, showing just how dimwitted the others were in their feeble attempts at deception. “The Next Betrayal”? Heck, the first pack of contestants would have probably paid money out of their own pockets just to stay alive, so they could gain the fame of the winner of the first show … uh … who was that again? sleeeve? Oh, right – Steve something-or-other.
To start things rolling, SuperCooper asks the mini-Moles to pick two “natural-born morons” … uh, leaders. They pick Admiral Bill and Darwin. A doctor and a lawyer, and both men. Even at a distance, you can just feel the pulses of the people from NOW race as they contemplate the sexual discrimination implications. “Teachers (Katie) and nurses (Ali) aren’t valued by this show. The finalists last time were two men. Sue!”
The Mole-wannabes are instructed to pack some warm clothing for an overnight trip. The packing scenes rank right up there with Citizen Kane for viewing interest. Bribs brings a studio prop: a can of "Mole Killer". Does that make him the Mole, or just a flaming bozo?