How does a typical finale start? With a bunch of recap padding almost as think as Melana’s padding.
We met Melana “entering a fairy tale”. She quickly learned that a fairy tale was not to be. First, we see the parade of chests that only are the fantasy of ladies like Sara Lee and Betty Crocker. Oh look, Zach is still as obnoxious in the recap as he was in the episodes. We see the young studs brought in, and the smile on Melana’s face when she saw them. Finally, we’re down to two, Average Joe Adam and Studpuppy Jason.
And thus we face Melana’s dilemma…will she choose looks or charm? Will the Average Joe have a fairy tale ending or heartbreak?
A note from the author: We start the story with Melana not getting the fairy tale she expected. Can we truly expect our average hero to be given what she was denied?
Our latest chapter begins with a view of a vast wasteland. Is this symbolic of Melana's “depth” of character? Meanwhile, the guys look forward to bringing Melana to their homes. Adam proclaims an advantage, since Jason still lives at home with his parents. At least, New York girls would consider it a problem that their potential prince was still a parasite on the king and queen. Not just New York girls, hon.
Don’t Meet My Folks
Melana travels first to Irvine, CA. Jason greets her at the door, having conveniently stowed away his parents where they cannot embarrass him. He plans to take care of that himself. As she shows her around the place that he does not own, she exclaims, “We have those!” Cabinets? Drawers? No, she means the bronze shoes that every family displays once their son has passed puberty. She’s impressed that they both have so much in common, like “we both lived in our parents’ house since we were 3.” So, what happened before they were 3 – were they both raised by wolves?
Jason is delighted to have Miss Missouri in his parents’ home. She keeps talking about the cute pictures. Glad these two are so deep. While in his room, he shows her a map of the United States, with tacks to designate where he’s visited. She puts one in Kansas City as a promise that he’ll visit her. Oh, how tacky (oh, like I wasn’t going to go there.) He then takes her out to the yard to play Frisbee with the dogs, and then they go kayaking. We learn Jason’s philosophy of life as he teaches her how to paddle the kayak. “You don’t have to go fast, we just have to get together.” Now it’s time to go out for drinks, and Melana is surprised to see multiple drinks suddenly appear on the table. Jason declares, “My goal for tonight is to open up… Kind of loosening our inhibitions tonight.” Melana gives Jason some advice on confidence and tells him that he doesn’t need to use drinks to loosen her up. Gee Melana, but it’s worked for him up to this point in his life. Then she starts asking the “tough questions”, like “Are you a player?” Um, weren’t the drinks a hint?
After an annoying commercial break (I’m sorry, that’s redundant) and a quick recap, Melana says that she likes rattling guys she likes. Jason thinks she’s trying to find a major fault. Author’s note: The average viewer has already played Find a Fault with Jason. Average time to find one: 30 seconds. Melana does not appear to be the sharpest knife in the drawer at this point. She admits to being guarded, because she’s trying to “take it serious”. Had to put that one in quotes, since I know I’m not the only viewer who said, “Ly. Serious-ly.” to the television. She thinks that if she can let her guard down, and he can let go of his insecurities, that they have amazing potential. That’s like saying that if NBC got a decent script and a decent cast, they would have the potential to put a decent comedy on the air. Some of us won’t hold our breath on either count.
We have two pretty people who know that they’re a pretty couple on a date together – how will it end? With a long walk on the beach at sunset, of course. Sigh. I’ll bet they like long walks in the rain too, but since it never rains in California, they had to settle for this cliché. I don’t know about you, but the mood was shattered for me when Jason said he’d never done that before. He lives with his parents, and he’s never walked on the beach? What’s next, he hopes to learn how to tie his own shoes in the next 10 years? Then we watch the waves crash on their legs, and Jason hopes they won’t be swept away. Melana says she already has been. Note to self: Read some Harlequin romances. The plot has to be better than this dreck.
Melana won’t say Jason is her boyfriend, but she does bring up the P word again (psst, it’s Potential). Jason tells her that he wants her to have fun in New York and then back it up in a confessional by saying he wants her to have fun in New York. What eloquence. I feel like I’m watching Homer Simpson think out loud.