It’s Joe night, and all I can say is I’m glad Joe Schmo is over; otherwise it would just be too hard to keep track of what’s what. Anyway, after a two episode Joe Millionaire mini-marathon, it’s time for the second installment of Average Joe, the reality dating show that seeks to answer the question of whether beauty queen Melana Scantlin can find the man of her dreams within the nightmare of flesh and bone that awaits her. I’m here to give you a male point of view on the Average Joe concept, and as an Average Joe myself, I’m more than qualified to reflect on this subject.
First, I want you to understand my take on this show. I don’t buy the basic premise, which seems to be that Melana can’t have it all, she must choose between strikingly handsome and good personality because men with both qualities don’t exist. You only have to look as far back as NBC’s For Love or Money 2 to find evidence to the contrary. How would either Wade or Vic compare to any of these men? From what I saw last week, Melana would be smart to leave this desert wasteland, find either one of these two men, and stalk them until she has a ring on her finger.
My theory is that people judge potential mates on a sliding scale that I’ve narrowed down to five categories – looks, personality, wealth or prospects for wealth, intelligence, and intangibles. Most people match up with someone who’s in their “looks” category. Sometimes, there is a 2-3 point swing, but other qualities must make up the difference.
As the episode begins, last week’s bootees say goodbye. John is broken up because its like his best friends (of two days) are leaving. Unlike most manly men, John has no problem showing his sensitive side, as we are going to see more than once this episode.
Life must go on, and the Joes are showing off and recreating with each other for a while until Tony Gonzalez, a football player for the Kansas City Chiefs walks in. He’s there to shape the guys up, and maybe let them display their athletic ability. Tony says that overall it’s an “interesting” group, as we see shots of Adam dumping food on his head (I can’t tell if it’s the main course or a dessert); Joe treading water in the pool while guzzling adult beverages straight from the pitcher; Craig cannonballing into the swimming pool (why don’t heavy guys ever DIVE into a pool?), and Brad doing a standing quadruple spin. Actually, this is pretty impressive. Have you ever tried to do this? One spin is hard enough; four spins means he’s done this before. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a figure skater, dancer, or gymnast in a previous life. It would explain a LOT of things actually.
Tony alerts them that Melana is coming over, and recommends they tidy up the house, which has turned into quite a pigsty. Apparently our Average Joe’s are below average housekeepers. Next, they head to the lawn. Melana bounces onto the lawn ready for football, complete with her crop-top style KC Chiefs jersey. I’m pretty sure the guys are all thinking how they’d love to play a game of touch (football, of course). The guys show off their blocking skills and their touchdown dances, then have a friendly scrimmage. All I see is a pile of bodies, with the ball holder at the bottom. Is that Craig or Joe diving on to the top of the pile? Ouch! When I was a kid, they used to call this game “Smear the Queer”. I wonder what they call it now? The football game is over and it’s time for Tony to leave. Melana gives him a goodbye hug. Is it my imagination, or does Melana whisper that Tony should call her later for some full-contact activity?
John is talking about his high school football days, which is an invitation for Zach to pick on him. They exchange words and John asks Zach to leave the show like Zach kept threatening to do before the first elimination ceremony. Zach isn’t intimidated. Dennis pulls John away and they go into the kitchen to discuss things. John is quite distraught and is crying for the second time this episode, and we’re only 10 minutes in! The scene cuts to a Zack confessional where Zach says “it’s a myth to me why John is still here.” Okay, that sounded really intelligent. Did you mean it’s a mystery, or were you lisping? As John and Dennis are talking in the kitchen, I notice a few things. First, the slogan on John’s T-shirt is “Question Reality”. Wow, he’s on a reality show wearing a T-shirt that commands viewers to question reality. After looking at the “which ones are actors” thread on this forum, I begin to wonder if there is a hidden meaning in John’s textile message. Second, several product logos are blurred out so they can’t be identified. A few clicks of my TiVO remote and I’ve figured out that these are a six-pack of C*rona beer, and 12-paks of C*ca-C*la and M*untain Dew. Since M*untain Dew and C*ke are competing brand names, it looks to me like they couldn’t get a beverage sponsor at all. However, I also notice that the Dixie cups are NOT blurred out. Should Dixie be insulted, or did the Dixie company fork over some product placement cash?
The men gather by the pool, and the lovely, funny Kathy Griffin makes her first appearance this episode, explaining that Melana will take the guys on three group dates. At the end of each, she’ll pick one guy from the group to share dinner with that evening. She wishes the men good luck and makes her exit while all the men applaud – except for Tareq– he IS a PhD, and clapping is beneath him!