"I'm not looking forward to live shows because I cannot trust myself. Just like if there's a comment being made [by a member on the judging panel] -- I just want it to go well. It's about the contestants," Minaj said during a Tuesday appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, suggesting she hopes drama amongst the judges won't take away from the performers' thunder.
"We've got a lot of great talent. And I don't want anyone on the panel to say something crazy because I don't want to look like a crazy psycho again. I am really not a crazy psycho... I swear! No, I'm serious. I'm really not!"
"I don't know, it was just two big old divas I guess. I was just sitting there and I guess before I went in there [to film the show], I heard all the stuff that was being said, but I didn't believe it. I was hearing them say, 'Mariah doesn't want you on the panel.' But I was like, 'No, I'm friends with Mariah.' And I was arguing people down like, 'Don't believe everything you read! You're crazy!'" Minaj began.
"And so I went there, and I started kind of feeling a little bit of like the shade. And I just kind of like overcompensated by being crazier, and I don't think that really [worked]."
After laughing off the fact Carey definitely didn't like her "crazier" approach, Minaj told host Ellen DeGeneres, "Well if you know that someone maybe doesn't like you, it's kind of like now you're going to really go in and show, 'Hey!' It's really a defense mechanism."
"It's really that your feelings are hurt and you can't believe it, so then you just kind of compensate with being crazy."
However, Minaj insisted there are no hard feelings going forward -- at least from her end -- and they've been getting along for the most part.
"We're fine. I can't hold a grudge against Mariah Carey. What people don't understand is that I've looked up to her for so many years, like since she came out... Me and my mother would sing her songs all day and all night, so I don't know if she's gotten over it, but I have. I mean, I'm already cracking up laughing and having fun, and if she's still holding a grudge, I don't know, I don't care," Minaj explained.
Besides her unexpected confrontations with Carey, the rapper also said she was unprepared for one other thing when she agreed to serve on the Idol judging panel -- the long hours.
"I'm not used to having to stay in one place for such a long time, like even when you go and do a show, you're onstage for like an hour and a half and you meet your fans for a half hour and that's it. But with this, it's like eight hours, nine hours, 10 hour-days sometimes," Minaj told DeGeneres.
"So it's very, very strenuous if you're not ready for it. Like when I did my first taping, I thought we would be in there for like two to three hours, and when the sun started going down and I realized I should've brought like a camping bag and pillows and stuff like that, I was like, 'What did I sign up for?' It was crazy."
Minaj added that while taping Idol auditions, she didn't even like to take breaks because she knew she wouldn't want to come back and continue working after getting the chance to rest.
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