Last week on Hell’s Kitchen the beautiful and talented Snidget bailed out a chagrined mysticwolf, who somehow managed to forget how her VCR worked – Doh.
Oh, no… That was in real life…
In our fantasy of reality on television Garrett wanted to kill Keith for taking Virginia on a road trip to see the new restaurant in the making while he and the rest acted as fumigators. Prevented from making that kill he compensated by trying to kill a restaurant customer when he decided it was much easier to serve raw chicken than it was to cook it. After that no one else’s performance really mattered. Ramsay is not about to end his career bankrupt after being tied up in court by the actions of some DAW. Garrett had to go, so he did.
In tonight’s continuation our four remaining DAW’s file into the kitchen with Keith in the lead. “Yo… I got my beyotches, now.” Right, Keith... They’re all yours. In your dreams.
Virginia, is upset with the fact that she can cook (she assures us of this in CT), except she can’t cook in a kitchen when actual customers want to eat her food. Yes, you heard that right. Even she has figured out that she svcks at this. She promptly melts onto her bed in tears looking to Sarah for comfort. Yeah, you heard that right, too.
Sarah, for her part, is more than happy to comfort poor, sobbing, Virginia – smirking all the while. See, Sarah isn’t afraid of Virginia. Virginia can’t cook. She’s no threat at all. (Ummm… Sarah, remember who won with big breasts the other day, and came in second on the reward challenge yesterday? It wasn’t you. I think the person’s name began with a “V”.)
Meanwhile Keith and Heather bond, with Keith declaring himself to be a pimp – Ayup, no disagreement from me, dude. He recognizes that Heather is his strongest competition, but he’s certain that he can take her. Heather threatens playfully to punch him in the throat if he wins today. Neither of them are worried about Virginia, either. (Can you hear the editors snickering yet?)
Ramsay says they all must be incredibly proud and asks who thinks they’re the strongest chef. Keith says he is. Heather says she is. Sarah thinks she is (Ramsay: “Thank God you spoke up, missy.”) Virginia stands mute. She doesn’t want to brag after her performance last night. Ramsay doesn’t want someone who doesn’t think they belong there. Duh. “We have 3 strong chefs and 1 * shrug *?” Virginia gulps and says nothing. “Well, go on then. Get out.”
Oops. That shakes her tongue free and she starts to babble as the others roll their eyes. She tells Chef what she told us earlier. She’s a strong chef when it comes to food, but she’s weak when it comes to a kitchen. (Where the heck does she think a chef works? Don’t the two kinda have to go together?)
Chef thinks they’re all strong chefs because they’ve gone to Hell and back and are still standing there. Now, today’s gonna be even tougher. They’re each going to get their own restaurant. (Keith has been planning his since he was a little kid. * boggle *)
They’re reminded how phenomenal the rewards they get have been, but today’s reward is priceless. No, it’s not a credit card. It’s automatic inclusion in the final three. Exemption from elimination, no matter how badly they screw up in the kitchen tonight. The opportunity to screw over and sabotage your fellow contestants with impunity. (No, wait, someone’s already had that one. Oh well, maybe someone else, who’s name is not Sarah, will get a shot at it.)
He’s right. It’s a HUGE reward. Both Virginia (who is determined to win it) and Heather tell us so.
The restaurants will be at different locations and they’re all blindfolded for the trip. (Now, me? I think that putting the blindfold on after I’m in the car would be easier than trying to make my way out of the kitchen and into the car without breaking something – like a leg. But, neither they nor Ramsay seem to remember that they already know where they’re starting from, so they put the blindfolds on in the kitchen.)
And… Awaaayyyyy we go. In CT Heather is just bubbling with excitement. She’s in her manic phase, so we all know a depressive phase is coming up soon. Sarah just loves to lead a team, so this is the time to show her stuff. (Hmm… I don’t remember Chef saying anything about staff, do you?) Virginia is smart enough to realize she has no idea what to expect, but she claims that she will not be intimidated if it’s a high-end restaurant.
Now, stop a minute and think. Unless Ramsay has gone out and purchased 4 buildings, renovated and stocked them as restaurants, hired all the staff, and gotten all of the permits; the only way for this to be a high-end restaurant (or, really, even a low-end restaurant) would be if 4 restaurant owners agreed to hand over their restaurants, along with their reputations to 4 RTV DAWs for an afternoon. What are the odds of that happening, do you suppose?
Anyway, the “restaurants” end up being side-by-side catering trucks, each with a DAW name and HK logo on them. They will be catering lunches for construction workers, who will be deciding who wins. And, no, they don’t get staff to help them.
Sarah is giddy with joy. It’s “awesome”! She’s “alllllwaaaayyyys” wanted one of those. Well, if that’s her hearts desire I sure hope she gets one. That way no one will ever be forced to work alongside her ever again. They’re one-person trucks. Heather’s excited because she loves construction workers.
They have one hr. to prepare to serve their menus to 100 construction workers.
And, the menus are… Virginia: Turkey, Proschiutto , and Feta Cheese Sandwiches Sarah: Seared Quail w. Micro-green salad and fresh berries Keith: Poached Lobster and greens Heather: Grilled Chicken Sandwich and Fries
While Heather, eyes wide and in full-blown manic mode, asks the camera “Who doesn’t like a chicken sandwich? … And French Fries!”, while Chef checks to make sure the construction workers aren’t, any of them, vegetarians. They’re not.
Sarah wants God to be on her side, even while admitting she’s working for the Devil. (I don’t think that’s how it works, Sarah. But, then again, I don’t think God, or the Devil, for that matter, gives a rip about who wins a reality show contest. Any reality show contest.
Our chefs bounce, they run, they chop, they plate. Time’s up. Let’s see what they got. Heather tries to win with quantity, heaping them up with extra fries. Sarah decides that the way to go is to speak to the men in Spanish, trying to win them over and pointing out Ramsay so they’ll say good things about her to him. Virginia knows what works well. Remember those big breasts she won with? She puts them to use again, resorting to outright flirting and flattery.
Oh, in addition to quantity? Heather CT’s her secret ingredient. Looking at the camera, with an expression like one might wear when patiently explaining some simple concept – again - to someone that doesn’t get it, she tells us she put alcohol in the onions. She assures us that “Construction workers LOVE alcohol!” (BTW, did I mention these are iron workers. Working at great heights on girders? Nevermind. Everyone knows any actual alcohol will burn off in the cooking process. I’m sure it’s not Heather’s attempt to get a customer killed or anything.)
What our DAW’s don’t know is that the construction workers are sharing the food. Regardless of what they picked up at the window they are getting to sample each of the four dishes before choosing their favorite. And, we have one vote for Keith’s seafood. Each construction worker gets a ballot where they circle 2 colored blocks – one on each row of the ballot. One to show which food they liked the best, one to signify which they liked least. The winner will be announced back at HK.
Chef reminds them again that whoever wins goes straight through to final three. Somehow, I doubt they needed to be reminded. I know I didn’t. While Sarah and Virginia want to win the reward, Heather simply worries that whoever wins could throw a wrench into the kitchen, and Keith… Well, Keith already knows that he’ll be in the final three. The only reason he wants to win is so he doesn’t have to do the punishment.
The results are in and we’re going to start with the dish the construction workers liked least. Well, yeah… What else would you announce first. If you say what they liked best there’d be no suspense now, would there?
Well, surprise, surprise. It seems that these construction workers weren’t as big fans of chicken sandwiches, fries, and alcohol as Heather thought. Her dish comes in last. Her face drops, her head drops, her voice drops and turns into a whine. And, her depressive phase sets in.
And, the winner? “One-half of the construction workers picked one dish to win and it was cooked by…” (Come on. You know it’s time for a commercial break.)