Hello everyone, and welcome to The Second Biggest Loser. I mean, The Biggest Loser 2.
It’s a show about fat people and their struggle for acceptance in a world that is hostile to people with a little excess baggage. Not really! It’s actually about the struggle to eliminate the excess weight by eliminating excess intake and adding excess exercise. This season promises to be even bigger than the last, a fact which is borne out by one look at the huge cast. And by huge, I don’t mean there ARE more of them, I mean there IS more of them. We learn quickly that this season the teams are separated into men vs. women, with percentage weight loss the truck scale yardstick by which they will be measured.
Meet The Contestants
Matt - he is a former college wrestler who had aspirations of Olympic proportions. Now he’s justof Olympic proportions, as he’s really let himself go. Okay, I’m trying to be nice here and refrain from snarking too much about each contestant’s weight, but I never promised not to comment about hair - his hairstyle is just plain ridiculous.
Jeff - is a doctor finding it hard to give medical advice to patients he can barely examine without rubbing his gigantic belly up against them.
Seth is a 24 year old man who wants to be able to run around and play with his one year oldson. He wants to be the ultimate dad. His son is a cutie.
Mark is a police officer from California. He’s beat cancer, quit smoking, and now is ready to tackle the weight loss. He looks just like a tree trunk. Tree trunks don’t have necks, do they? How come every time I see him on screen, I want to ask if he lives in a "van down by the river"? (semi-obscure Saturday Night Live reference there, folks.)
Ruben – Fat? I’m not fat! Isn’t this Survivor?
Pete – in so many words blames a love/hate relationship for his weight predicament. He loves food and hates exercise. His goal is to be able to slam-dunk a basketball. Well, maybe on the kiddie hoops Pete.
Nick – he’s a comedian from Southern California who would rather have chips and dip than sex. My guess is that every female watching feels the same way about you, Nick.
Suzanne is an NYPD police officer who realizes how dangerous her weight problem is for her and everyone else.
Jen is a medical student who isn’t focusing on her health. She is looking to make a permanent lifestyle change.
Suzy got the fat gene in her family as her mom and sister are both skinny. Did she get the ugly glasses gene too? Seriously, new eyewear would make a huge difference. Sorry, I didn’t mean to say HUGE. Plus, she’s 29. From what I understand, nearing a 30th birthday can have extreme effects on some women.
Ryan - would love her husband to see her gorgeous and healthy like shes always dreamed of being. Indeed, there is quite a beautiful young women in there. Too bad Ryan ate her!
Shannon – is a self-proclaimed diva who claims she wants to set a good example for her daughter by learning how to “eat to live” instead of “live to eat”.
– thinks she’s a princess but wants to feel like one too. She was thin most of her life, but having kids and giving up sports has not been a good combination for her body.
Kathryn – wants a more powerful body to match her powerful mind. As an attorney, she is used to crushing her opposition, but would prefer to accomplish this solely with her intellect.