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The Bachelor 3 - Episode 2 Summary

'15 Cats And 1 Saucer Of Milk' By greeneyes
Original Airdate: April 9, 2003

We open the second episode of the Bachelor with the 15 cats (sorry, couldn't resist, with all of the "catty" comments, I thought I was watching animals), err, ladies, moving into their new home. The fifteen are: Kirsten, Amber, Rachel, Liz, Elizabeth, Amy, Cristina from NJ(CristinaN), Audree, Heather, Anne-Michele, Jen, Tina from WI (TinaW), Christina from FL (ChistinaF), Tina from TN (TinaT), and Shannon.(If you have trouble telling them apart, especially with so many with the same or similar names, don't worry, so do the rest of us, just refer to ABC's website or last week's summary for pictures.)

Slinging Mud in Ojai
The first date consisted of ChristinaF, Kirsten, TinaT, Liz, and Amber. They travelled to a spa in Ojai, CA. The first bit of cattiness came out as soon as the date was announced. TinaT begins showing her claws when she realized who she was going to be with, and said that she didn't want to be with them because they are all really little, and have good bodies. (Meeeow! Jealous much? Tina, sweetie, you knew you were going to be on The Bachelor, and that most of the girls would be very pretty, what were you expecting? Not to mention the fact, that I certainly can't begin to count how many times in the two previous seasons, they used absolutely any excuse possible to show the ladies in their bikinis and hot tubs.)

At the spa, they wasted no time time covering each other in mud. Andrew, our Bachelor, definitely had no problem helping to smear the mud all the girls' little bikini-clad bodies. They jumped into some conversation. One topic covered was infidelity. And Andrew admitted that he has never cheated or been cheated on. (That just tells me that he has either dated some great women, or he hasn't dated much, or they didn't want to cheat on him and risk messing up and not getting in to the family money of the Firestones ... make your own interpretation on that one ...)

Andrew abruptly singled out Kirsten for some private time. He took her in to get a massage. As her bikini top came off, he go a little embarrassed and flushed. As this happened, TinaT was watching as closely as she could, and tried to figure out how to break it up, and suggested they all go in there with them. She can't get any one to go along, so they sat and licked their wounds. When Andrew & Kirsten returned the group went into a very large bath tub together. The subject of conversation turned to the future and what you look for in a mate. TinaT trying to make herself look better, said "we are all going to sag and have wrinkles. It all comes down to who can you still talk to in 50 years. (Meeow! Honey, look at the girls around you. Do you honestly think any of them are going to let those things happen to their bodies? They probably have appointments made for the next 50 years with their plastic surgeons for breast implants, liposuction, botox, and whatever else they can think of.)

Again TinaT worked on her claws, and said (in a confessional) that in order for her to get a rose, others would have to mess up. On cue, we saw a stumbling Amber being helped out of the tub. She has obviously had a little too much of the free-flowing champagne. Tina was then heard saying "I don't think she has a drinking problem, but ...". Then Amber was led into the bathroom, and instructed to throw up by TinaT. Amber said that she hadn't had any food, and that she really doesn't drink, so that was why it effected her so much. (If you say so, we'll believe you this time, NOT!)

After all of that excitement, they decided to go back to the ladies' home (or were they asked to leave because of Amber's drunkenness? Who knows.) As soon as they walked in the door, Andrew did not even get to say good night to his dates before
he was assaulted and taken away by Agent Sidney Bristow (oops, sorry that's the wrong ABC show), actually it was CristinaN who took him away. CristinaN said that the girls were probably thinking "what a bi*ch." (Well, at least you got that right, but I bet they had a few other words to describe you as well such as w*ore, etc.) And not just based on this incident.) After Andrew finally got himself out of her ball of yarn, Amber, our favorite lush, apologized for her behavior, and Andrew said it was fine, and kissed her cheek. (Awwww, isn't he just so sweet!)

Hooping it up
The next group consisted of Audree, Elizabeth, Amy, Heather and Rachel. They were treated to a Lakers basketball game. They travelled by bus, but no just any bus, according to Amy, it was a "rock star bus." (Something tells me Amy watched just a little too much of the Bachelorette or she's a close friend of Trista's. I included a quote from Buckeyegirl's summary of the 2nd episode, see what you think ...
<<<< " ... they have to go in a bus! A bus? Did ABC only
have one free “use of a limo” coupon? Ahh…but as Trista
says: “it’s like a rock star bus ... ”

The cattiness comes out again, as they waited for the game to start, they couldn't wait to do a litle bashing on our favorite lush (Amber) and remind him how sick she was. As they watch the Laker girls warm up the dance number, Andrew out of the blue excuses himself. The girls then begin to dish on Andrew. Things to the effect of him having a wondering eye, and being a boob man (Oh, so he really isn't that different from other men, after all ) It turned out that Andrew took off from the group not to ditch the women, as we all hoped, but to meet up with Derek Fisher. While waiting for Derek, he ran into Shaquille O'Neal, who apparently went to high school with Andrew. Finally, Derek arrived, and is then taken to meet the girls. He spoke with them for a few minutes, and then handed out purple jerseys to 4 and 1 white jersey to Audree (to match Andrew's) because Derek liked her the best. During the game Audree got to sit next to Andrew. Elizabeth sharpened her claws, and said that she was not used to being around all of these pretty girls and she is usually the center of attention. (Meeeow! All I will say about that is, if I was one of her female friends, I would be insulted by that comment. But then again, with that attitude, maybe she doesn't have any female friends.)

After the Lakers won the game, the group went on to the court and shot some hoops of their own. Anybody who shot a 3-pointer got a kiss from Andrew -- no one got it, even though Andrew desperately tried to help Heather's shot go in.

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