Survivor: Pearl Islands - Episode 10 Summary

'Naked Lies' By IceCat

The Return from Tribal Council:
Deer in the Headlights and Wolves by the Fire

Balboa: Night 27

The tribe trudges home minus Rupert but plus a whole shipload of tension. Sandra (looking royally pissed) lengthens her stride as they approach the camp looking like she wants to put some distance between herself and the others. Christa (in confessional) is looking for all the world exactly like a deer caught in the headlights and she can see Jon at the wheel of the truck careening towards her. Her gift for understatement seems undamaged as she simply states "... Maybe I've been too cocky all along... thinking that I know what's going on...".

By the time they reach the camp, Sandra is already seated and begins to lay into Jon about the Rupert boot screaming "Where's that snake mutha-f&%#er Jon? I tell you whut - can't nobody trust that bitch right there!" Jon's retort cuts right to the heart of the matter as he snaps back "What game are you playing here. Oh, you're not playing any game - you're just riding on Rupert's coat tails. Guess what... that coat just left!" Of course it's important that Jon has a chance to reveal his sensitive side and share with the audience his true feelings on the Rupert boot. In a confessional he reveals that tonight's ouster of Rupert is his "proudest moment".

Just then, Burton (apparently having a wonderful little A.D.D. moment) completely out of the blue says "who threw the fish out?" causing the conversation about the boot to abruptly stop. Constable Burton of Pearl Islands Patrol immediately launches into action and (dispensing with the inconvenience of an investigation) manages to accuse two different people in the time that it took him to utter two rather short sentences. Sandra successfully defends herself with the old use the F-word loudly and often defense (hey... it worked in highschool - why not here?). Christa's tactic of looking weepy and confused does not work nearly as well prompting Judge Jonathon Playfair to bring down the following verdict: "Nobody has done anything in the game to hurt other tribe members... until tonight". Judge Jon elaborates on the sentencing phase in his subsequent confessional: "... That was the most childish thing I've seen this game began and Christa will be penalized."

Now the reader might be asking themselves "where were Darrah and Tijuana during all of this". Well, they were sitting very quietly performing an imitation of the hear-no-evil see-no-evil monkeys that was disturbingly right on the money.

Balboa: Day 28

The morning finds Constable Burton back on the case. Obviously, Burton hasn't taken his morning dose of Ritalin, as his attention span seems to be pretty much nil. He's actually investigating the crime that they convicted Christa of the night before. He makes his way deep into the thick undergrowth of the jungle going in at least 10 paces. Coming across a grisly scene, Constable Burton calls for backup: "Holy f%$k, dude! There's a big fish back here!" Our intrepid investigator seems to have forgotten that they got a conviction on the big fish case last night and calls for a new trial. To Christa's credit she shows John and Burton the hand, tells them that she doesn't want to hear it and walks away. This is followed by an absolutely priceless shot of Sandra looking straight into the camera and smirking sheepishly.

The reason for the smirk is revealed in Sandra's confessional where she confesses to being the fiendish fish flinger. She explains that the reason that she immediately began her tirade against Jon as soon as the others arrived at the camp was to hide the fact she had dumped the fish behind the camp and that she was trying to direct attention away from herself. We finish up the Great Fish Caper with Sandra looking guilty (almost!) and Christa looking weepy and pathetic (definitely!). So much time was wasted over spilled fish that we had no time for treemail leaving us with only Christa's tearful confessional references to "her man" and "real life" as our only segue into the Visit from Home Reward Challenge.

The Reward Challenge:
The Big Lie Cometh

Production Value Alert!
A beautiful helicopter shot brings the viewer over the site of the Reward Challenge which is the rocky cliffs at the foot of the Tribal Council location. Six planks are slung menacingly out over the water churning angrily below.

Jiffy gleefully announces that six people are going to walk the plank and tries to see if he can bait Jon into revealing some strategy by asking him who he would like to see walk the plank. Jon makes it clear that no bait was necessary and calmly states that he "can't wait to see Sandra and Christa go into the ocean". Jiffy gets to be gleeful again as he giddily announces that it will the visiting loved ones that take the plunge. The obligatory hugs and kisses schmaltz-fest occurs as the visitors are introduced one by one: Sandra's husband, T's highschool sweetheart, Burton's mom, Lil's husband, Darrah's boyfriend, Christa's fiance, and Jon's buddy Thunder Dan who rounds the rocky corner doing what appears to be the patented Richard Hatch - I Have Made Fire Dance.

Thunder Dan has brought with him a special gift: The Big Lie which plays out itself in the form of a one act play performed by the Thunder Dan and Jonny Playfair Amateur Repertory Theater Group:

Jonny Playfair: Dude... How's Grand Ma? Thunder Dan: Huh? Jonny Playfair: How's (nudge) Grand (wink) Ma? (Sounds of gears grinding in the Thunder Cranium) Thunder Dan: Uh... She died, dude. Did you get the letter? (End Scene)

Jiffy asks Jon what's wrong and Jon responds that he was expecting either his Grand Ma or his friend Dan and that "she's (choke) not here (sniffle) for a reason... she's (gulp) not around..." Jon says he needs to win this reward competition in order to get more information from Dan.

What follows, in terms of game play, is a twisted version of The Dating Game where the tribe members and their loved ones both answer questions about the tribe member's likes and dislikes. Any tribe member who answers a question correctly gets to tell one of the loved ones to take a step further out on the plank. Predictably, Jon and Dan's attempt at emotional blackmail is entirely successful and the other tribe members ensure that Dan is only visitor left high and dry . Jon looks at his tribe mates and tells them that he loves "each and every one of them".

Jiffy swoops in to tell them about the special prize 'chosen just for them' (OK, he didn't say that - but he should have). While Dan and Jon remain at the sumptuously appointed Balboa camp, the rest of the tribe will be whisked away by boat to the other side of the island where they will enjoy a beautiful night under the stars with nothing but a hatchet and a pack of matches. The tribe leaves happily... each and every one of them enjoying that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing that they did the right thing. It was the poor man's grand mother, after all!

This, of course, conveniently leaves Jon and Dan alone so that they might freely gloat over the success of The Big Lie.

The Visit from Home:
Jonny Playfair and Thunder Dan - Together Again

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Narrator in William S. Burroughs' Naked Lunch

[Editor's Note: It was at this point that your faithful correspondent apparently lapsed into what can only be described as hallucinatory dementia. Some of you may recall a film directed by David Cronenberg loosely based upon a novel written by William S. Burroughs entitled Naked Lunch. Some of the more disturbing scenes in the film involved everyday objects and people turning into giant insects right before the main character's eyes. The next paragraph should be read in a Naked Lunch sort of mode.]

In the insect equivalent of orgiastic joy, the cockroach with the fluffy blonde hair wildly waived its spindly arms while holding each of his pincers in a v-shape. The larger cockroach in the black shirt clicked its mandibles in a rapturous clicking hissing harmony, its mouthparts glinting coldly black in the harsh afternoon sun.

The commercial that suddenly flashed over the screen brought some welcome respite but the feelings of relief were short lived as I realized (with a pulsating knot rapidly forming in my stomach) that a huge amount of screen time is always devoted to the visit from the loved one. Private chats between the friends or family members are used to give insight into the life and lives that the contestant has left back at their home. We are allowed to see a little into the real person - not just the contestant persona. I swear that a cold sweat broke out on my brow when I realized that we were all about to be subjected to Jonny Playfair - Up Close and Personal and (worse) I realized that I was going to have to write down every creepy detail...

... and then a miracle happened.

(With apologies to Dr. Seuss)

And what happened then...? Well...in Blowsville they say That Mark Burnett's heart Grew three sizes that day! And the minute his heart Didn't feel quite so tight, He whizzed through the tape By the monitor's light And he spared us the torture Of Jonny P's gloat. And he ... HE HIMSELF! ... The Producer... Put Thunder Dan... back on the boat!

A true holiday miracle has come early, folks. In the single most meaningful piece of editing in the entire history of Survivor, not a single further frame of Jonny Playfair's visit from home made it to air! Personally, I think the symbolism ranks right up there with Osten's torch lying in the dirt.

Mr. Burnett, I salute you... Now, on with the summary!

Mid Episode Strategies Revealed:
Sandra and T - Sittin' in a Tree

Balboa: Day 29

In confessional, Sandra discusses what she and Christa have to do in order to swing the balance of power. She feels that she needs to plant into Tijuana's mind, some seeds of doubt about Jon and Burton. Sandra first plays the gender card by quietly pointing out to Tijuana that Jon has always seen Christa as one of the strongest females in both tribes and that Jon is sending Christa away in order to reduce the competition from the women. Sandra then makes an odd statement to the effect that Tijuana should be careful or she and Darrah might end up in a final four against Burton and John. Tijuana doesn't seem to find the prospect of reaching the final four to be too displeasing at all and just stares at Sandra with a sort of "um, yeah... so what's yer point?" look on her face.

So Sandra waits until nightfall and then takes Tijuana on a little intelligence gathering mission, sneaking off to eavesdrop on Burton and John as they strategize in the "privacy" of the jungle. Jon's and Burton's discussions reveal their plan to take Lil to final three and for Jon to continue "working Tijuana" by promising a final three of Tijuana/Darrah/Jon. Armed with this new knowledge, Tijuana tells Darrah that Jon is lying about taking them and they begin to form a new strategy.

The Immunity Challenge:
A Total Loss for Words

Balboa: Day 30

Oh goody... a word puzzle...

They have to use the letters from the words "SURVIVOR PEARL ISLANDS" to form twenty new words:

Three 3-letter words, four 4-letter words, five 5-letter words, six 6-letter words, and two 7-letter words. The words must be English and they may not use plurals or proper names. They have one chance to declare that they are finished. If they are correct, they win and if they make even one mistake, they are immediately eliminated.

Christa calls first and is eliminated due to a spelling mistake. Tijuana calls next and is eliminated for the use of a plural word. Jon calls and is eliminated for a spelling error closely followed by Burton who is declared the winner.

With much fan fare, Burton is awarded the immunity sword and the tribe is dispatched back towards the boats... until Jiffy calls them back in a panic. Apparently Jiffy made a mistake and missed a spelling mistake on Burton's board. Now that everyone has seen everyone else's boards, a new time-trial version of the game is played out with the remaining three players: Lil, Darrah, and Sandra. They have to use three new words "OUTWIT OUTPLAY OUTLAST" and form as many 4-letter or more words in one minute. After a minute of furious writing on chalkboards (compelling television, eh?) Jiffy calls time and counts the words. Lil gets 10 words; Sandra gets 12 words; and Darrah wins it with 14 words.

Sandra celebrates Darrah's win by telling her "... anybody but him..." (referring to Burton) and Tijuana is clearly shown making a "hah-hah-hah" face behind Burton's back. Jiffy puts the sword around Darrah's neck and she doesn't say a single, solitary word...

Pre Tribal Council Strategies
Grandma Would be So Proud!

Darrah and Tijuana decide that their position is entirely secure for the current Tribal Council and they decide to try and figure out a way to leverage their position in the post Burton tribe. Evidently, the strategy that they chose came out of the Nicole Handbook for Winning Survivor as they run straight off to Jon to tell them of their plan to vote off Burton and then they try to swing a side deal with Jon to eliminate Sandra and Christa. Jon agrees with the plan, of course.

Meanwhile, Sandra and Christa are sensibly discussing strategy quietly between themselves and coming to the entirely logical decision that Burton must go that night. They are, of course, unaware of Tijuana's and Darrah's side deal with Jon.

(Cue Jon)

Jon comes trotting up the trail behind Sandra and Christa to tell them of Tijuana and Darrah's attempted treachery and works a deal for a Burton/Jon/Sandra/Christa final four. Sandra and Christa fall for it hook, line, and sinker after Jon seals the deal by swearing on his "dead" grandmother.

Well it has to be true, then...

After all, it's the poor man's grand mother!

The Tribal Council:
We Won't Need Her Vote Later Anyway

Jiffy probes the tribe...

To Tijuana: "What's going on with this tribe right now?"
Her answer: "There's chaos... there's a lot going on..."

To Sandra: "Where is this tribe?"
Her answer: She repeats the whole damned fish story all over again!

To Christa: "So, you're still being blamed for this..."
Her answer: She looks weepy and pathetic.

To Christa: Did the visit from your fiance "warm your heart"
Her Answer: "It gave me so much energy and hope right when I needed it..."

To Jon: Did you get the "information that you wanted" from the visit that "the tribe let you win?"
His answer: Jon mumbles some words of thanks to his fellow tribe mates all the while looking absolutely terrified that Jiffy is about to spill the beans on the lie.

To Burton: "who do you trust in this game?"
His answer: He basically says nothing while stating a few truisms about alliances of convenience.

To Jon: "Are you willing to betray anybody who in this game to get what you want?"
His answer: He appears almost giddy as he realizes that Jiffy isn't going to blow his cover on the Grand Ma story and then lies through his teeth about being changed by the events of the last few days.

To Darrah: Is there anyone that you want to give the immunity to?
Her answer: The little chatterbox shakes her head from side to side.

Voting (finally!)

Shown Votes:
Darrah votes for Burton
Burton votes for Tijuana
Tijuana votes for Burton

Vote Count:
Burton
Tijuana
Burton
Tijuana
Tijuana
Tijuana

Votes Revealed During Final Words:
Everyone votes for Tijuana except Darrah and Tijuana.

Excerpt from Tijuana's Final Words

"For the rest of the tribe members in the game,
I have no animosity to any of them.
I made it to the Jury.
I'm proud of myself.
So, with that being said, peace."

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